He has a girlfriend... I am thinking about it.

For the last 9 months or so I have been having this friend. We speak via text almost daily.

We see each other twice or thrice a week.

He has tried to have sex with me a couple of times. I've said no.

He has tried to kiss me so many times. I've said no. Whenever we are out together he holds me, feels me up etc.

He is in a long term relationship. Long distance. He barely talks about her. But I know she exists.

I've tried to cut off our friendship. He calls me, messages me, until I answer.

Recently, I've been thinking of just going for it. Kissing him, sleeping with him when I want to. No strings attached, because I don't want anything serious with him. He is just very hot... and I am curious.

I'm not sure what my question is... I guess I need to be talked out of it/ in to it. Coz I think I'm a little ashamed for even considering it.

Don't do it.

Block him if you have to. He has no boundaries.

He's using you...and cheating. Why allow this? Find a decent guy of your own.

Whenever we are out together he holds me, feels me up etc. He is in a long term relationship. Long distance. I've been thinking of just going for it. Kissing him, sleeping with him when I want to. No strings attached, because I don't want anything serious with him. He is just very hot.

Stop thinking about it.

So you think you'd enjoy being his secret sex piece on the side?

Why do you want this?

Ugh, people like this are the worst. They think only of themselves, because if he's that attracted to you why hold on to someone who isn't even there? He could just be honest and break up with her and pursue you - if honesty was where this guy was at. But nope, he enjoys being dishonest, so why tangle yourself up in that.

Sure, sleep with him if you like. Just don't be surprised when he tosses you under the bus or you get an STD or other unwelcome surprise for him. Don't be surprised if he did break it off with her, only to find out later he cheated on you.

In short, if you're going to take up with people with unsavory morals you won't be able to cry when they turn on you, which yeah he will. They always do.

This is something I am really disappointed that people don't get. What part of "this was not a good person to begin with, so why are you surprised they kicked you in the back when you least expected?" do you not get? This isn't just about him and his girlfriend and you, it's a total red flag indicator of who he is and his level of dishonesty to begin with.

*cough* ..if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.. *cough, cough*

You don't want to settle for less than you deserve.

Follow up adage:

..you get what you settle for..

(sorry for the brevity. I'm wrestling with a hostile cord monster)

Just don't. You're playing with fire. He's in a relationship. The fact that he's propositioned you, etc., shows he has no respect for you or his girlfriend.

Also, put yourself in his girlfriend's shoes and keep in mind that what goes around, comes around.

Why dont you find yourself someone else instead of this guy?

Would you like to be cheated on if you were in her shoes?

You might be attracted to him but if leave him and avoid doing anything with him then you will be sooo thankful once this is over, you will also teach him that cheating isnt right. Do as you wish, karma is a b**** tho.

Curiosity killed the cat. The cat had 9 lives? I'm thinking the cat never learned. You are a human and not a cat. Learn from the above.

Cats are also visually appealing. After sex they have barbs that come out of there genitalia. This hurts the female in the end.

These kinds of posts are the worst, because you know the person behind it is a selfish, self serving arse.

You're considering messing with someone else's boyfriend..pffft. First of all, he is a total d*ck to be doing that and second off, if he thought anything of you, he'd at least lose the girlfriend before bothering with you, as a matter of respect if nothing else. You will be the side piece and trust me, there is no pride in that at all.

But then I also think about what you're thinking...why exactly would you want a jerk like this man? Do you enjoy men who are liars and cheaters and most likely is doing this with other women besides you?

Do you like the fact that you're part of the problem in this world and not part of the solution when it comes to immorality and low lifes?

How about you go get your own man, one who is single and not be effing someone else over?..go have one nighters all you want with whomever, but don't be the woman who effs over another woman and does it with a creep like this man.

Shaking my head. I agree with what everyone else says...karma....you put that kind of crap out in the universe, one day it will come back to you. Maybe you'll fall in love and some woman will have sex with your boyfriend, just cause she can, and you will know what pain feels like.

The guy has given you a front row seat to view his capacity for disloyalty to a GF. So what's so enticing about that? You'd enjoy your 'win' for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that you can't trust him. The minute your back is turned, he also owns the capacity for disloyalty to YOU.

Instead of recognizing that after the fact, why not see it clearly now, and quit your investment in the guy?

You'll thank yourself later for walking away today.

The guy has given you a front row seat to view his capacity for disloyalty to a GF. So what's so enticing about that? You'd enjoy your 'win' for about 5 minutes before it occurs to you that you can't trust him. The minute your back is turned, he also owns the capacity for disloyalty to YOU.

 

Instead of recognizing that after the fact, why not see it clearly now, and quit your investment in the guy?

 

You'll thank yourself later for walking away today.

And then occurs to you that you have an STD. For example. I do share the tragedy of my dear friend who got involved with a married man in her 20s. Wasted 3 years of her life on him. Then she met her adoring husband and shortly before the wedding found out she had late stage cancer. She lived another 2 years. Don't waste time, ok? ( I am not saying she deserved to get sick -NOT AT ALL -just pointing out how life can be cut tragically short and wasting your time with someone else's man doesn't seem like the best way to spend that time)

Don't do it.

 

Block him if you have to.

 

He has no boundaries.

He has no integrity!

Thanks guys!

I feel so bad for even considering it.

I like the guy as a person. He is a cheater but there's a lot of great things about him. So I will not be blocking him.

I've said no to him for the last 10 months. I'll keep at it until he gets it.

do it.

why do you need our permission?

Do it.

Thanks guys!

 

I feel so bad for even considering it.

 

I like the guy as a person. He is a cheater but there's a lot of great things about him. So I will not be blocking him.

 

I've said no to him for the last 10 months. I'll keep at it until he gets it.

He is not going to get it unless you tell him politely but firmly that if he asks again he is disrespecting what you said and you will have to stop being in touch. You teach people how to treat you by what your boundaries are.

Thanks guys!

 

I feel so bad for even considering it.

 

I like the guy as a person. He is a cheater but there's a lot of great things about him. So I will not be blocking him.

 

I've said no to him for the last 10 months. I'll keep at it until he gets it.

you said no. and you allowed him to feel you up and such? that doesn't tell him to stop. that tells him that you can't wait to be coaxed into having sex with him. you have the choice to not respond to texts that exceed friendly behavior, get up and go home when he tries to kiss you, keep enough personal space between you to not be groped like people who don't consider themselves more than friends do. when groped, you can say this isn't how i view you, i'm afraid if you can't accept that we won't be in touch.

so far your no meant yes. no, but yes, you still get to feel me up.

you said no. and you allowed him to feel you up and such? that doesn't tell him to stop. that tells him that you can't wait to be coaxed into having sex with him. you have the choice to not respond to texts that exceed friendly behavior, get up and go home when he tries to kiss you, keep enough personal space between you to not be groped like people who don't consider themselves more than friends do. when groped, you can say this isn't how i view you, i'm afraid if you can't accept that we won't be in touch.

 

so far your no meant yes. no, but yes, you still get to feel me up.

I haven't allowed him to grope me. But I'm not that aggressive at telling him to stop either. I kind of just walk away or move away when he starts trying to hold me and all of that.

You're right. I'm making him think there's a slight chance. I should be more assertive at telling him to no.

That said, this guy is in a relationship, he is in a commitment. What is he even doing looking in my direction? Why is he trying over and over again? He owes his girlfriend loyalty! Maybe I'm naive, it baffles me!

do it.

why do you need our permission?

Do it.

Haha! No, I won't do it!

he's rotten that's why.

yes, unfortunately you have to make boundaries clear beyond doubt. he is counting on you being too submissive to do so. if it's difficult for you to assert yourself, i personally think it's okay to do this kind of thing over text. like text him you will not be in touch if the communication exceeds that among friends, if there are attempts to get physical, or sex proposals. but then you need to follow up on that in person- if he tries any of that, get up, ooops you broke the rue man, bye. then leave and block him.

i don't really think it's even worth keeping this kind of person in your life at all though...

what are his texts like? how does he comment on his girlfriend, if at all?

I'm not sure why you want to hold onto this guy. Despite his "good qualities" he's a liar, a cheater and sexually aggressive that he persists on unwanted physical contact. He's not a good person.

Is it hard to give up the boost his chasing gives you? All that attention is flattering for sure, but is it worth it to your own moral compass to be party to his infidelity?

he's rotten that's why.

 

yes, unfortunately you have to make boundaries clear beyond doubt. he is counting on you being too submissive to do so. if it's difficult for you to assert yourself, i personally think it's okay to do this kind of thing over text. like text him you will not be in touch if the communication exceeds that among friends, if there are attempts to get physical, or sex proposals. but then you need to follow up on that in person- if he tries any of that, get up, ooops you broke the rue man, bye. then leave and block him.

 

i don't really think it's even worth keeping this kind of person in your life at all though...

 

what are his texts like? how does he comment on his girlfriend, if at all?

Thanks Rainy... this is helpful. I'm starting to see how I'm part of his problem. I still believe though, that he needs to own his relationship and be faithful. That part is on him.

His texts are normal. He asks about my day. We talk about our jobs, life, friends...etc. they are never inappropriate or sexual.

When we are together is when he will tell me stuf like 'you look so sexy..., let's just get to it and get together...' or he will lean in for kisses, talk about spending the night with me, try hold me...etc.

He never ever talks about his girlfriend. It's like she doesn't exist, only that she does. The first time I met him he mentioned having a girlfriend and then never spoke of her again. The few times he does, it's to try and make me jealous. One time he said to me 'I want to Stay with you tonight, if you say no, I will leave you and go to my girlfriend.' And I was like 'ok, bye'. He got upset and left.

Do you have a bf? It seems you are inviting the attention you seem to crave and sort of softly brushing it aside but not ending what you crave and enjoy.

He is a cheater but there's a lot of great things about him. So I will not be blocking him. I've said no to him for the last 10 months. I'll keep at it until he gets it.