Thinking about proposing without a ring.

So it's been a bit over three years now that I've been seeing my girlfriend. I'm really not a big-on-marriage guy altogether (certainly not opposed and, for financial and legal reasons, acknowledge it as a sensible inevitability), so I'm not sure if that plays into me being pretty unromantic with this sort of thing. But I've settled on the conclusion that I'd like to marry this lady. The fact she puts up with my **** is on its own enough to pretty much seal the deal. The fact her and I get along pretty alright just makes it better.

In any case, my entire life I've always thought the whole "two to three months pay" rule was stupid, even offensive. So I figure I'll just look for cheap(er) rings. I'm looking for ~$1000ish rings that I can easily afford, but I still found myself unsettled. It's not that I can afford it. It's simply that I don't like it. Now bear in mind I love going all out on gifts, so it's not for a lack of want there. I dropped an inexcusably obscene amount of money on an top notch espresso maker for her birthday just last month.

I guess what I don't like is something that's supposed to be our moment being defined by me gifting her something. Or some sort of weird transaction where I exchange a ring for her acceptance. I don't know. There's not much of a good way to explain it without rambling for several paragraphs. I thought about even doing something along the line of being like, "Hey, we can use the money I'd spend on a ring on a nice vacation" or whatever else would be more practical, but even that... couldn't really rationalize it. I know she probably wouldn't think of it this way, but ring or vacation... I feel like I'm buying her. I couldn't even be happy buying a $50 band. It's the principle.

And I guess I really like the idea of us deciding to get married... and that's kinda it. Seems like cause enough to enjoy a moment. And I think it's important to me that she be the kind of woman who thinks the same (which she's given me nothing to suggest she isn't).

Iunno. Kind of a ramble. I think I'm pretty stuck on what I want, but I'm of course open to thoughts and ideas.

Why not go together to pick out a ring? Set a budget and then look online before you two head to the jewelry store.

You're a smart guy, is there a way you can find out her feelings on e-rings before you attempt a proposal? It would be good to have further confirmation on how she feels about this, especially since this is important to you. Have you guys talked about marriage? I'm wondering if you can start another such discussion and then work e-rings into the discussion casually, maybe even in a comical way, and see what she says. You may be surprised - maybe she DOES like the idea of an e-ring or maybe she is like "nah". Once you find out that information, then and only then, I would move forward.

I would not just cave and "buy a ring cause that's what you're supposed to and all girls want a ring". Times are changing, not everyone feels the same way. I am not really pro-marriage either and honestly, I find the idea of me wearing an e-ring to be distasteful. I think it's tacky and weird. Like "Oh, I was asked formally if I wanted to financially tie myself to this man and potentially have his babies. I said yes so as a token of his gratitude, he gave me a shiny carbon chunk." *gag*

I KNOW there are other women who feel the same as I do, maybe your girlfriend is one of them.

Also, the moment does not have to be about you giving something to her. You can define it for yourselves. Just because lots of girls go magpie over the ring and act like Kay Jeweler models for weeks after the event doesn't mean that you and your GF need to do the same.

That's exiting news jman!

I get your thoughts about the whole exercise and it's a great argument.

I will pose just one question: This is your thought process behind it and what it means to you.

What does it mean to her?

After all this is her once in a life time experience. What would be her expectation of the event because I

promise you she's thought about it.

And I think it's important to me that she be the kind of woman who thinks the same (which she's given me nothing to suggest she isn't).

She hasn't given you the notion that she does not think like you, but has she given the idea she does?

I think you know her best. If you can envision her being okay with that I say go for it. Make it a very unique experience for the both of you As for ideas on how to go about that - I am terribly un-creative, so I can't help you with that part.

My husband proposed without a ring . I was fine with it.

Get this and propose with it. She can always return it or exchange it and decide on the vacation idea instead. She may be a real sport but try to go the romantic route with something this important.

I'm looking for ~$1000ish rings that I can easily afford

Get this and propose with it. She can always return it or exchange it and decide on the vacation idea instead. She may be a real sport but try to go the romantic route with something this important.

Depending on where he got the ring, he may be unable to return it OR he won't get much back if he re-sells. Lots of e-rings, even in great condition, are pawned off when a relationship ends and the return is pretty abysmal.

I would only consider this option if you purchase a ring from a reputable seller who has a 100% guaranteed money back return period. Otherwise, it's potentially a big waste of money.

Ohmygoshohmygosh! Congratulations, j.man!

I second the above sentiments - you know her best, of course you know yourselves the best - I can't imagine that you could go wrong here.

Since you asked for any ideas, I thought I'd share that a friend just got engaged (this week, in fact) and had asked me to make sure her partner was aware that were he to propose, she had her heart set on a watch (I saw pictures from the day she spotted it and I could see the appeal immediately - it has two cunning clockwork figures on the face and at midnight, the dials turn so that they meet in the north on a bridge and exchange a kiss. Right, now that I'm attempting to describe it, it sounds like something that belongs on a thirteen year old's MySpace page, but, trust me, it's elegant and dreamy).

Perhaps a different type of jewelry might be a better fit?

My other notion is - is it possible to find out if either family has a sentimental piece your girl might find especially meaningful to take on as her engagement 'ring (a/o other item)?'

Best and warmest wishes to both of you!

Congratulations jman. I don't really understand the whole marriage thing. Ceremony and all of that. I do understand commitment. I think it's all just rituals that people made up over time. But you aren't the only one you have your partner. You have been together a while so maybe you know how she would feel on such matters? Personally I'd buy a ring. BTW I have one in a drawer that needs a home. Spend what you can no need to go insaine. Again good luck

I know you mentioned the ring is the principle, but if you wanted to propose with some kind of sparkly pretty ring, I recommend Swarovski. You can get a sparkly one for $120 ish.

ETA:

I still reckon you need a ring. Just something to slide on that finger.

Then when she says yes, you can tell her that you'd like to pick out the proper ring together. I bet she'll love that idea. Something like that.

I still reckon you need a ring. Just something to slide on that finger.

 

Then when she says yes, you can tell her that you'd like to pick out the proper ring together. I bet she'll love that idea. Something like that.

I agree with this. I get the principle, I really do - and despite that, I would want a ring (even though I would love to be above something like that).

Getting a low cost ring like the one I shared could get her by until you go together and also serve as ring for traveling (low cost).

But she may not want a ring and may see it as a waste of money. I detest e-rings and have met a couple other women who feel the same. It's best to find out, IMO. My SO knows how I feel about rings and if he got me one anyway, I would be unhappy.

I agree with this. I get the principle, I really do - and despite that, I would want a ring (even though I would love to be above something like that).

 

Getting a low cost ring like the one I shared could get her by until you go together and also serve as ring for traveling (low cost).

Also it makes a great story for her to tell her family and friends. Rather than saying "He didn't get me one"

j.man wouldn't go to a disreputable place...would he? lol.

I would only consider this option if you purchase a ring from a reputable seller who has a 100% guaranteed money back return period.

]

jman wouldn't go to a disreputable place...would he? lol.

]

 

Now that would make a killer story!

I'd buy a ring from that guy if he were a jeweler. Real passion for his job - I like that!

She is the one who has to wear it on her finger every day, so this should be about what she likes, not what you think is dumb or what you're stuck on.

Like you said, she is the one who puts up with your ****. So she has to put up with a ****ty ring too?

She is the one who has to wear it on her finger every day, so this should be about what she likes, not what you think is dumb or what you're stuck on.

 

Like you said, she is the one who puts up with your ****. So she has to put up with a ****ty ring too?

Don't hold back Naomi. . .lol

I sort of feel like.... there does need to be some sort of exchange to "seal the deal". It's not an ordinary answer to an ordinary question - it's a promise to stay committed to each other for the rest of your lives. It's pretty important.

Have you guys talked recently about becoming engaged? If so, you can always tell her that you're digging the idea and you'd like to do it, and go pick out a ring together. You can always use the time and effort one would normally use in the engagement (and wedding) and instead use it for the honeymoon!

Congrats, dude.

Forget the ring and get her a lifetime supply of granola bars.

You know her best. So it's hard to advise.

Personally I'd love what you are suggesting. I'm not big on marriage either. The bf would like to get married at some point, so we've talked about it. I love the idea of old fashioned wedding (more according to his cultural background). There is no ring. There is no big fuss. The two decide to get married and the community takes care of a big meal, and you hold hands and that's it - married. It's the declaration. Then you go away for time together as man and wife with no work for a while!

That's what I want. My one thing I want is for it outdoors in a treed area.

Does she want a ring? Do you? That's all that matters. The rest is paperwork ! Lol

Congrats on finding your keeper. !

Forget the ring and get her a lifetime supply of granola bars.

Nature Valley at the very least, I'd hope.

My youngest son just bought his girlfriend of 6 years an engagement ring.

He'll propose in a couple weeks.

He wanted my opinion and I gave him wholesale websites, recommendations, etc and told him whatever he does, just don't go to retail store!

He didn't listen.

In any event. . he did a great job but he could have gotten so much more for his money had he listened to his mom ;/