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Anxious and depressed about being 32 yo and not married


beast1125

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I could really use some kind and encouraging words right now because I wake up every morning to an intense feeling of pain because I am alone. I'm 32 yo and have dated many women and had many serious relationships in my life but never once did I really consider marrying any of them or having kids. I eventually maxed out each relationship until it became a dead end and ended one way or the other. Only now, after my most recent breakup, do I see the true value of companionship and eventually marriage and a family. I think it's also the fact that my sister now has a baby and I get to see her little beautiful family growing. I want these things in my life in the future, but it feels so distant now. I've pushed away and alienated women that have truly cared about me and wanted those things when they were with me. Now I'm lost and empty inside.

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It's always easy to see what's missing in your life. I'm sure at 32, you have had some great experiences and you have fulfilment in other areas of your life.

Now you are an uncle..what a great opportunity to share with your sister. Children really benefit from close family relationships which include Uncles and Aunts.

As they say "it takes a village to raise a child"

Be an awesome Uncle and take pride in it. Develop on your own interests and don't worry about finding "the one." Many people don't get married or have children till late 30's or 40's

It will come in time.

Keep your head up and enjoy your weekend, Uncle beast1125

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I could really use some kind and encouraging words right now because I wake up every morning to an intense feeling of pain because I am alone. I'm 32 yo and have dated many women and had many serious relationships in my life but never once did I really consider marrying any of them or having kids. I eventually maxed out each relationship until it became a dead end and ended one way or the other. Only now, after my most recent breakup, do I see the true value of companionship and eventually marriage and a family. I think it's also the fact that my sister now has a baby and I get to see her little beautiful family growing. I want these things in my life in the future, but it feels so distant now. I've pushed away and alienated women that have truly cared about me and wanted those things when they were with me. Now I'm lost and empty inside.

 

Marriage is overrated. You don't need marriage to have a committed long term relationship. Plenty of people are together decades and never get married.

 

I got married at 32. Two weeks before we had our daughter. I've known him since we were 18 and he was my first. It was a horrible idea to do it when we did.

 

There's no time limit to get married. At all. You have time to get married and have a family. You don't want to rush it and end up with someone you can't stand or that is forced do you? If it happens it does. If not, there isn't much you can do.

 

The fact you feel lost and empty without those things is a sign and maybe you need to talk to a therapist or someone objective about it. There could be underlying issues to your feelings as well.

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Perhaps now that you know what you want, you can set your sights on the type of women who also want commitment and family. You're at the prime age.

 

Try joining some clubs, groups, lessons, classes, volunteering, etc. Think outside the box, even cooking or dancing classes that attract women. Also use dating apps and mention 'looking for long term relationship' in your profile.

 

Meet some women for a low pressure coffee and get the ball rolling with dating again.

after my most recent breakup, do I see the true value of companionship and eventually marriage and a family.
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The fact that you are now realizing what you really want -- and acknowledging how you've pushed it away in the past -- is a source of pain, but it's also an opportunity. The next time you are with someone you'll look at her differently, treat her differently, and make the most of the gift you've been given.

 

Don't become overly focused on past mistakes. You were a different person then, and the past is unchangeable. Instead, use the knowledge you've gained to create a better life for yourself.

 

It is through our deepest losses that we come to truly know ourselves. The suffering you are now experiencing represents the destruction of the person you once were and the birth of the person you have yet to become. Growth is painful, but stagnation is even worse.

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Marriage is overrated. You don't need marriage to have a committed long term relationship. Plenty of people are together decades and never get married.

 

I got married at 32. Two weeks before we had our daughter. I've known him since we were 18 and he was my first. It was a horrible idea to do it when we did.

 

There's no time limit to get married. At all. You have time to get married and have a family. You don't want to rush it and end up with someone you can't stand or that is forced do you? If it happens it does. If not, there isn't much you can do.

 

The fact you feel lost and empty without those things is a sign and maybe you need to talk to a therapist or someone objective about it. There could be underlying issues to your feelings as well.

 

I feel like the mornings are just terrible, but when I get up and get to work, I always feel much better. I have a 30 min commute where I'm able to listen to some of my favorite podcasts. I don't listen to the radio or music much anymore. These podcasts are centered around Christianity and it's been very uplifting and encouraging. I joined a church recently and I am trying to get involved in community and events through the church so I'm pretty excited about the future there. I'm not really worried about not meeting a potential mate, I'm just worried that my heart is so hardened and cold that I won't be able to properly open up and have that healthy relationship that could lead to marriage someday. I don't know how to love people. I have built my emotional support structure around whomever I am dating at the time and whenever they are gone then I get lost. I am aware of these tendencies now and I am trying to spread that structure out to family and Christian community. It's so painful to lose someone that you are so close to and just takes time to move on emotionally I guess.

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I am new here and I feel like I shiuld give you a hug as we have almost same situation.

I am 32 years old Asian woman. I just broke up with my boyfriend as I realized we could never take the relationship any step further. I really want a family with kids, but this is what he would never give me. All friends and relatives are married with kids. Seeing their joyful family just made me so jealous and sad at the same time. I am so lost after broken up, I am not sure when I will ever meet the one...

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I am new here and I feel like I shiuld give you a hug as we have almost same situation.

I am 32 years old Asian woman. I just broke up with my boyfriend as I realized we could never take the relationship any step further. I really want a family with kids, but this is what he would never give me. All friends and relatives are married with kids. Seeing their joyful family just made me so jealous and sad at the same time. I am so lost after broken up, I am not sure when I will ever meet the one...

 

How ironic. My last gf was Asian. I am white, but I have always been interested in mostly Asian women lol. I think I am just attracted to dark hair, dark eyes, and petite little bodies.

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Don't be. I got married again at the age of 56, after swearing I was not the marrying kind. I also had relationships all through the years before that, some good, some bad, many brief that didn't work out.

 

Love doesn't really decide age matters, nor does it come only at X, Y or Z and not any other time. So don't despair. Also keep in mind the fact many of the people you know now who are married with kids, may well not be married in the future. Or deeply unhappy if they married in haste and wishing they hadn't.

 

Try not to set time tables for yourself, but rather focus on life and what you are doing to have your own accomplishments and a happy life. I know that's hard sometimes, but you are hardly alone in being 32 and not married. And as much as it may not seem like it 32 is still very young and so many other factors besides just youth come into play with relationships.

 

Love is not finite, it cannot be used up or have an expiration date, or only come in one type of quantity.

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How ironic. My last gf was Asian. I am white, but I have always been interested in mostly Asian women lol. I think I am just attracted to dark hair, dark eyes, and petite little bodies.

 

That's rather interesting. You mentioned nothing about core character traits, personality, compatibility or anything beyond a few superficial traits ( colour of hair and eyes, small body and race).

 

For a long term partner , what do you think may be important?

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I wouldn't worry about it to much at 32 hell I'm 40. I'd look at it this way it could be much worse. Having kids with a woman you hate. Or having to deal with a divorce. I see other people they look happy and some really are. Then I'm the ear for some of my friends and a majority are misserable. I'd state what you want when dating. I'd also just try small steps too. I know for me I could be happy just having a partner.

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When I was 32, after having tons of long and short relationships, some very tumultuous at the end. Some that tore my heart apart, and one that brought me to eNotalone, I really accepted and felt that it be totally okay if I never got married or had kids, and I was good and at peace with that. I had just spent the previous three years working on myself. A relationship in between that. The first year, I had a really rough one getting over a relationship. The second year, I dedicated to doing whatever, whenever, wherever I wanted, from traveling to bellydancing to partying. So much fun! The third year, I put my energy in finding a bigger problem in life. I created a non-profit that fundraises for scholarships to send kids to high school in improvished countries.

 

I really found true happiness with myself. I was fulfilled. And I think it's the reason why after learning to really communicate and listen, to express joy, figure out my needs and wants, I was then really ready to really be with someone. Cuz, bam, come September, I reconnected with someone, and we got married a year after that, and now have two boys.

 

I think if you can find a way to make your own happiness, things will fall into place for you.

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That's rather interesting. You mentioned nothing about core character traits, personality, compatibility or anything beyond a few superficial traits ( colour of hair and eyes, small body and race).

 

For a long term partner , what do you think may be important?

 

I thought the exact same thing and honestly gagged out loud when he mentioned "petite little bodies". Seriously? You may know what you like and what you're attracted to but you should keep a little more of an open mind.

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That's rather interesting. You mentioned nothing about core character traits, personality, compatibility or anything beyond a few superficial traits ( colour of hair and eyes, small body and race).

 

For a long term partner , what do you think may be important?

 

Your absolutely right. Most of my relationships have been pretty superficial and ultimately unfulfilling. Mostly based on sex that began early on and created infatuation but eventually faded. Then your left looking up and seeing that you invested all your emotions into the wrong person and it's difficult to separate from that person. In the future, I'd like to think I will look at one's heart and mind more so than one's body.

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I am new here and I feel like I shiuld give you a hug as we have almost same situation.

I am 32 years old Asian woman. I just broke up with my boyfriend as I realized we could never take the relationship any step further. I really want a family with kids, but this is what he would never give me. All friends and relatives are married with kids. Seeing their joyful family just made me so jealous and sad at the same time. I am so lost after broken up, I am not sure when I will ever meet the one...

 

How ironic. My last gf was Asian. I am white, but I have always been interested in mostly Asian women lol. I think I am just attracted to dark hair, dark eyes, and petite little bodies.

 

Maybe you two should get together Stranger things have happened.

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I wouldn't worry about it to much at 32 hell I'm 40. I'd look at it this way it could be much worse. Having kids with a woman you hate. Or having to deal with a divorce. I see other people they look happy and some really are. Then I'm the ear for some of my friends and a majority are misserable. I'd state what you want when dating. I'd also just try small steps too. I know for me I could be happy just having a partner.

 

Things can always be much worse. I am thankful to finally have clarity of mind and actually sit in and process my emotions in a healthy way. In the past, my 20s, I've always just turned to substances to numb out feelings of discomfort only for them to not be properly sorted through. That's one of many reasons why I have not been living a fulfilling life.

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How ironic. My last gf was Asian. I am white, but I have always been interested in mostly Asian women lol. I think I am just attracted to dark hair, dark eyes, and petite little bodies.

 

More ironic is my ex was 32 years old white. I figured out he actually didn't love me as while staying with me, he always flirt with other girls online and in life, I couldn't feel he care me a bit. I tried to broke a lots of time but he always told me he loved me much and I was so afraid the loniness.

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  • 5 months later...
When I was 32, after having tons of long and short relationships, some very tumultuous at the end. Some that tore my heart apart, and one that brought me to eNotalone, I really accepted and felt that it be totally okay if I never got married or had kids, and I was good and at peace with that. I had just spent the previous three years working on myself. A relationship in between that. The first year, I had a really rough one getting over a relationship. The second year, I dedicated to doing whatever, whenever, wherever I wanted, from traveling to bellydancing to partying. So much fun! The third year, I put my energy in finding a bigger problem in life. I created a non-profit that fundraises for scholarships to send kids to high school in improvished countries.

 

I really found true happiness with myself. I was fulfilled. And I think it's the reason why after learning to really communicate and listen, to express joy, figure out my needs and wants, I was then really ready to really be with someone. Cuz, bam, come September, I reconnected with someone, and we got married a year after that, and now have two boys.

 

I think if you can find a way to make your own happiness, things will fall into place for you.

 

I agree.... if you find peace with yourself...and are happy....other good things are gonna happen. That happend to me before..... My heart is broken now because of breakup but I am trying to have hope.

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