Dimi Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I met this great guy at work (last November), he just got out of a painful breakup (last September) during that time he kept communicating with his ex for 3 months until her birthday party in December. We started talking back then and we got Hooked up in January. He is so sensitive with me although I am only 19 and he's 36. I feel so connected with him. He told me he is over his ex although they had a deep emotional bond with long term relationship for 4 years. I had to tell him to remove all their pictures and memories from his Facebook, up to one week ago he was still posting about her to be friends and not to let go. He tells me he's not contacting her since 20 days now. Also, I think he might have Peter Pan syndrome. emotionally immature or Man Child. He still lives with his parents, he doesn't drive, his mom still cuts his hair (sometimes),he plays video games on his free time. He tells me he loves me and he's not missing his ex or thinking of her, he seems very happy with me but I feel he's rushing things between us and wanting to be with me all the time. At the beginning of our communication he was telling how much she hurt him and dumped him for another man, then when it didn't work out with the other guy she wants him back but the wounds cut deep and he can't forgive or forget. He still cry sometimes when I ask him he say its for no reason. I fear he cries because of her? Does he miss her? is he really in love with me? Can a man with emotional immaturity (peter pan) fall in love too soon with a complete stranger? I know for him she was more like a (Wendy & Tinker bell) because she is pretty & petite and highly motivated. Is he with me because he really loves me or because of need? 6 weeks and going.. I feel so insecure and we just started. I really love this man, how can I know for sure if I'm doing the right thing by being with him and giving him love and healing without the shadow of his ex hunting us? Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Firstly, that is a huge age difference, especially for a 19 year old. It's quite different if you were 29 and he was 46. At such a young age, this is too much drama for you IMHO. He is not over his ex wife. for most people especially with painful breakups, this can take years to get over, especially as you have already seen him in tears and distraught. I won't even get into his man-child syndrome. There are many men out there for you. This man.... even though you love him after 6 weeks seems to be a tough road to go down. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Why would you get involved with this guy? He is clearly in love with this woman, and using you as a rebound. Wake up! He does not love you. he does not know you, and is in love with her. His mother cuts his hair at 36! LOL! Dump this guy. There is NO future, and he is waaaaaaaaay too old for you. Link to comment
Dahl Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Hello, Dimi, and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're in such a tumultuous situation. I can't even think what could be added to the above poster's bang on analysis. I imagine it is not what you want to hear, but I sincerely hope that you are willing and able to hear it, because it prescribes the best thing for you, your future, and this chap's, as well. I'm sorry, Dimi. This is a run far, run fast scenario. Don't allow it to become seven weeks.. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you luck. Link to comment
Dimi Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 I feel we are connected because we are on the same level of emotional immaturity. to me he is a 17 year old boy trapped in a 36 year old man body. So why it won't work? He won't lie to me. Everyone who knows him they say he used to be a pessimist. With me he is optimist. He's romantic, sensitive and an artist and the communication with us are so good and flawless.He complains to me that he couldn't express himself with his Ex the same way with me. The sex is so great.. With time and patience it won't work? He won't forget her? why would he be with me if he didn't move on. He is serious in relationships. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Unfortunately, it sounds like you want to nurse him back to health so you can have a relationship with him. But if he's not ready because he's still communicating with her or not over her it won't work except as a distraction for him. You seem to know more about her and their relationship than you do about him. This appears to be a rebound relationship for him to get over her. The sex and company he gets from you helps him try to get over her. Did he live with her and then move back home? If he's not the right guy for you because he lives at home, is a mama's boy, etc. why continue? Maybe that's why this smart ex dumped him? He's clearly not ready for a relationship except a nice warm body to listen to his sorrow and have sex with. We started talking back then and we got Hooked up in January. 19 and he's 36. up to one week ago he was still posting about her to be friends and not to let go. he was telling how much she hurt him and dumped him for another man, then when it didn't work out with the other guy she wants him back but the wounds cut deep and he can't forgive or forget. He still cry sometimes Link to comment
Dahl Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 to me he is a 17 year old boy trapped in a 36 year old man body. So why it won't work Asked.. Answered.. Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 As Hollyj mentioned (and I failed to mention), he is most definitely on the rebound. Girls find comfort in tubs of ice cream after a bad breakup, guys hop in bed with a girl. Link to comment
Dimi Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 So you're saying it won't work? even though we are close in the emotional level? Thank you for your kind words.. i really feel shocked and lost .. Link to comment
Dimi Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 Asked.. Answered.. So you're saying it won't work? even though we are close in the emotional level? Thank you for your kind words.. i really feel shocked and lost .. Link to comment
Dimi Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 As Hollyj mentioned (and I failed to mention), he is most definitely on the rebound. Girls find comfort in tubs of ice cream after a bad breakup, guys hop in bed with a girl. So if it's a rebound..as my friends warned me, there's no future? I can understand him. Link to comment
Dahl Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Dimi, I'm so sorry. You're obviously a sincere woman with a great and gracious heart. This is absolutely no reflection on you. You haven't done anything wrong. You have love to give, a compassionate nature, you feel a connection and you want to be loyal. There's nothing wrong with any of that. Nor does this have to be a personally negative indictment of this fellow. But no, this is a non-starter, at best, Dimi. It's not going to result in anything but bad, badder, worse.. Worser something, everything for you. You have every right - you have the obligation - to retain your generous support for and faithful protection to yourself - and you deserve it. Please don't proceed with this. You're not the bad guy, this chap doesn't have to be, either, but for your well-being, it needs to be done. Walk away now with your head held high and your heart sore, but intact. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the best of luck. Link to comment
Dimi Posted February 17, 2017 Author Share Posted February 17, 2017 He also told me it didn't work because they didn't click and he doesn't want her back because they were not a match.. Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Textbook rebound. I am sorry you have developed strong feelings for him and connect on so many levels, but the odds of this becoming a lasting relationship in the long term are highly stacked against you. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 One of these statements is a lie, which one do you think it is? He told me he is over his ex although they had a deep emotional bond with long term relationship for 4 years. He also told me it didn't work because they didn't click and he doesn't want her back because they were not a match.. Link to comment
Dahl Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 One of these statements is a lie, which one do you think it is? Dimi, this. Again, I'm sorry this is an unpleasant outcome, but: this, this more this. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 As Hollyj mentioned (and I failed to mention), he is most definitely on the rebound. Girls find comfort in tubs of ice cream after a bad breakup, guys hop in bed with a girl. HUH! Not all of us eat when depressed. In fact, I was incapable of eating and lost too much weight. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I feel we are connected because we are on the same level of emotional immaturity. to me he is a 17 year old boy trapped in a 36 year old man body. So why it won't work? He won't lie to me. Everyone who knows him they say he used to be a pessimist. With me he is optimist. He's romantic, sensitive and an artist and the communication with us are so good and flawless.He complains to me that he couldn't express himself with his Ex the same way with me. The sex is so great.. With time and patience it won't work? He won't forget her? why would he be with me if he didn't move on. He is serious in relationships. Good grief! A man child is attractive????? He is lying to you. He is also showing you with his actions that he is still in love with her. What are you missing here! He is using you to move on from the ex. You do not wait for someone to fall for you, when they love another. Want more for yourself. Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 HUH! Not all of us eat when depressed. In fact, I was incapable of eating and lost too much weight. Using it as a pop culture reference nothing more. Still, many men do get distracted and cope in the arms of new women. Dimi: just a note. We are not intending to steamroll you. We are merely answering your request for help/opinion. You will note the comments are well balanced from both female and male perspectives, and we all have varied experience with relationships. Take from it what you may, but if you take heart to posts above, I am sure you can see some concrete advice. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 Using it as a pop culture reference nothing more. Still, many men do get distracted and cope in the arms of new women. Dimi: just a note. We are not intending to steamroll you. We are merely answering your request for help/opinion. You will note the comments are well balanced from both female and male perspectives, and we all have varied experience with relationships. Take from it what you may, but if you take heart to posts above, I am sure you can see some concrete advice. I know, but it is a misconception about women and food. Link to comment
Betterwithout Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I know, but it is a misconception about women and food. True Hollyj....As is the misconception that men are shallow and can jump in bed with the next available body without an emotional connection. Men have been criticized for decades that they have sex without an emotional connection. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 True Hollyj....As is the misconception that men are shallow and can jump in bed with the next available body without an emotional connection. Men have been criticized for decades that they have sex without an emotional connection. I agree with you. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 So you're saying it won't work? even though we are close in the emotional level? Thank you for your kind words.. i really feel shocked and lost .. Being 36 and having the emotional maturity of a 17 is indicative of bigger issues. He is not likely to mature if he is stunted now. His lifestyle reinforces it. I can't help but wonder why he's still home and being taken care to this degree. It suggests he might have other emotional and vocational limitations. You on the other hand will continue to grow and mature. So when your 25 he'll likely still be 17. And as far as the relationship. He's definitely on the rebound. He says one thing, but his actions are telling you otherwise. There are so many reasons that suggest this is NOT a good choice for you. Link to comment
qwaspolk82 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I met this great guy at work (last November), he just got out of a painful breakup (last September) during that time he kept communicating with his ex for 3 months until her birthday party in December. We started talking back then and we got Hooked up in January. He is so sensitive with me although I am only 19 and he's 36. I feel so connected with him. He told me he is over his ex although they had a deep emotional bond with long term relationship for 4 years. I had to tell him to remove all their pictures and memories from his Facebook, up to one week ago he was still posting about her to be friends and not to let go. He tells me he's not contacting her since 20 days now. Also, I think he might have Peter Pan syndrome. emotionally immature or Man Child. He still lives with his parents, he doesn't drive, his mom still cuts his hair (sometimes),he plays video games on his free time. He tells me he loves me and he's not missing his ex or thinking of her, he seems very happy with me but I feel he's rushing things between us and wanting to be with me all the time. At the beginning of our communication he was telling how much she hurt him and dumped him for another man, then when it didn't work out with the other guy she wants him back but the wounds cut deep and he can't forgive or forget. He still cry sometimes when I ask him he say its for no reason. I fear he cries because of her? Does he miss her? is he really in love with me? Can a man with emotional immaturity (peter pan) fall in love too soon with a complete stranger? I know for him she was more like a (Wendy & Tinker bell) because she is pretty & petite and highly motivated. Is he with me because he really loves me or because of need? 6 weeks and going.. I feel so insecure and we just started. I really love this man, how can I know for sure if I'm doing the right thing by being with him and giving him love and healing without the shadow of his ex hunting us? You think he has Peter Pan syndrome and you want to be with him? Why? Why would you want a guy who lives with his parents and depends on them and he's 36? You are 19. You have your whole life ahead of you. Do not get bogged down with this guy. You sound like a rebound. He's not over his ex. He's still talking about her. I would cut my losses on this one. Especially at 19. Link to comment
qwaspolk82 Posted February 17, 2017 Share Posted February 17, 2017 I feel we are connected because we are on the same level of emotional immaturity. to me he is a 17 year old boy trapped in a 36 year old man body. So why it won't work? He won't lie to me. Everyone who knows him they say he used to be a pessimist. With me he is optimist. He's romantic, sensitive and an artist and the communication with us are so good and flawless.He complains to me that he couldn't express himself with his Ex the same way with me. The sex is so great.. With time and patience it won't work? He won't forget her? why would he be with me if he didn't move on. He is serious in relationships. Okay what happens when you get older and he emotionally stays 17? Say in five years he's still acting like a teenager and you're not. You ask why it won't work? Really? You can do what you want but you're wasting your time. You really are. What if you get pregnant with this guy's kid? Do you want to raise a kid with a man who acts like a child? It doesn't work. It won't work. Link to comment
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