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Thread: 5 months post break up. What can i actually do to get him back?

  1. #1
    AbandonedMe
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    5 months post break up. What can i actually do to get him back?

    He broke up 5 months ago. We were together almost 4 years, long distance. I made trouble about nonsense and freaked out because of jeallousy. It drove him away from me. He then found a month later comfort from a coworker and broke up, immediately jumping in a new relationship.

    During these 5 months, I kept NC for the most of the time. First contacted him after 2,5 months and had a call with him for half an hour.
    Second contact again 2,5 months later. He didnt pick up the phone and then I asked him why he doesnt want that and he sayd "Because it hurts! okay?" and that he cant do it emotionally and that it is so hard for him, and that I please should not push him otherwise he panics.

    I asked about a meeting for some answers and he sayd of course, but he needs time to calm down.



    Please no advises that I should move on, concentrate on me etc. I know these things! My concern is not about moving on because that is what I try since five months. My concern is what can I possibly do to raise my chances to get my ex back?

    I love this man and I believe it's worth to do aynthing possible for love. The distance is over by now. And I wonder if my ex still could have residual feelings for me. I wonder if I can dig them out gently, but how.

    I want him to know that I still love him and I understand we both did mistakes. I dont want to play games. Would a meeting make any sense? Or push him further away? I would not force him but gently ask about a meeting in the nearest future.

    Please, anyone?

  2. #2
    rosephase
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    Is he in a relationship?

  3. #3
    AbandonedMe
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    That's what I am not sure about. He is hiding it since the beginning and kept me on FB and everything and I cant see anything of them. There is one picture of them from the beginning (like 1 day after break up) and he didnt accept it on his FB till today.
    During the first contact on phone he told me he misses me. In the end I asked him if he is still in the relationship and he sayd yes.
    There were recently signs that they arent together anymore but nothing for sure. I cant rely on such signs. And as he didnt want to talk on phone, i couldnt ask him directly.

  4. #4
    Wiseman2
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    How old is he? Have you been in contact? How would you set up a meeting in person, would you fly to him if he allows it?
    Originally Posted by AbandonedMe
    He broke up 5 months ago. I dont want to play games. Would a meeting make any sense?

  5. #5
    AbandonedMe
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    We are both 30. We had contact two times during five months. I dont need to fly, we live in the same city by now.

  6. #6
    AbandonedMe
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    I actually thought about asking him to come over for dinner. But dont know if that would be too pushy.

  7. #7
    rosephase
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    He told you he panics when you push him. I think that is a really really good sign you shouldn't push him. Give him space. If he wants to talk or wants to see you he knows how to get a hold of you. What makes you think he would want you back if you drove him away?

  8. #8
    AbandonedMe
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    Because the decision was very very hard for him (he told me) and I know he loved me a lot. I hope his feelings for me were burried because of the heated argument we had. It was by far the worst argument we ever had...and I insulted him badly, which I apologized for of course. I know I dont have any chance at all if his new relationship works out better for him. But I don't just want to give up. I would regret if I'd know I wouldn't have done anything possible to raise my chances get him back.

  9. #9
    AbandonedMe
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    So I should just give him space you think? For me, it is weird that he asked for more time "to calm down", even though 5 months passed already.
    I am maybe too unpatient? But I kind of feel like nothing will ever happen if I dont take any initiative. And I know he feels super guilty.

  10. #10
    AbandonedMe
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    Would it be weird if I'd ask him directly if he still is in the relationship?

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