Three weeks since breakup and not heard anything from the ex

I started seeing a girl back in November, we were acquaintances from many years ago and she started contacting me on Facebook. We met up and very quickly things developed, after just 2 weeks she told me that she was in love with me and wanted a relationship.

Things seemed great for the first 6 weeks or so but then for no apparent reason she started acting cold and distant towards me. I asked her what was wrong and she said it was nothing I had done wrong but she had realised that she wasn't over the breakup with her ex some 5 months ago who she had a child with about 18 months beforehand.

She told me that things had developed very quickly between us and had become very intense, so I suggested that we slow things down and maybe see each other a little less so she could have some space. After this, I met up with her again a week later and she was being very affectionate again and I thought that things were going to get better... But after this meeting she became distant again and the next time we met up she couldn't have acted less interested in me.

All the while I know that she had been spending a lot of time with a male friend from work and I had my suspicions that something was going on, but I never said anything to her about it.

After another week of getting maybe one message from her a day, just mundane "how was your day" type stuff and her making excuses why she was "too busy" to meet up with me. I decided I couldn't go on like this so I suggested that we shouldn't see each other anymore because she clearly wasn't into it. She agreed and reiterated the whole story about not being over her ex and not ready for a relationship. I simply said "Goodbye" to her and left it at that.

It has now been three weeks and I haven't heard anything from her at all (I haven't tried to contact her either), yesterday I unfriended her on Facebook because she kept popping up on my news feed and it was painful for me to keep being reminded of her.

I'm finding it hard to understand how someone can tell you they love you and act like they love you so intensely and then just change their mind and cut you out of their life altogether. Did she never really love me to begin with? Is there anything I can do to change her mind? Or am I just best accepting that what we had was never real and just try to forget about her?

Sorry to say sounds like it's over. I'd continue NC. She probably liked the idea of you for the short time.

She sounds fickle and fake as heck. Move on from her, she's wasting your time. Some people are like that, they are soooo in "love" but it's not love, it's just them being silly and then suddenly they feel nothing...pffft...phoney.

This is her fault, not yours.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you can find someone more genuine.

So how old are you guys if you don't mind me asking? I think to be honest when someone who is just a distant acquaintance says they're "in love" with you, it does just sound like they're in love with only the idea of being in love and not actually with you. I just think it's really not enough time to be actually "in love" and she was just projecting on you and then realised she didn't love you. Six weeks isn't actually that long and if she just lost feelings for you then I don't think she was really that into you in the first place. I think maybe next time try not to rush it with a girl and just get to know her more first before getting really attached.

Thanks for the replies, we are both in our late twenties. I know it seems silly to be so upset over something that only lasted a couple of months but this was the first time in nearly six years that I have been in a relationship I thought was "real".

I just can't help beating myself up, thinking that I must have done something wrong for her to be so into me to begin with and then completely lose interest. It has really damaged my self-esteem and left me feeling worried that the same thing will happen again with someone else.

Each day with no contact seems to get harder as I realise that she obviously has no feelings for me at all and she has probably already moved on to someone else.

This wasn't your fault.

Absolutely. This not your fault.

At least she showed her true colors early. Mine took 9 months before the "breadcrumbing" and mysterious withdrawing started.

Red flag: Anyone who tells you that they love you within the first three months of a relationship -- don't believe them. Chalk this up to experience, man. We all have stories like this. Life goes on....

Sorry to hear this. Often rebounders cling tightly in an effort to ease their pain, not because the really love you in two weeks. Stay no contact and delete and block her from everything.

It sounds like she's still involved with the ex of course if they just had a child together. She's not ready to date, no less have a relationship.

after just 2 weeks she told me that she was in love with me and wanted a relationship. Things seemed great for the first 6 weeks but she had realised that she wasn't over the breakup with her ex some 5 months ago who she had a child with about 18 months beforehand.

Absolutely. This not your fault.

 

At least she showed her true colors early. Mine took 9 months before the "breadcrumbing" and mysterious withdrawing started.

 

Red flag: Anyone who tells you that they love you within the first three months of a relationship -- don't believe them. Chalk this up to experience, man. We all have stories like this. Life goes on....

I think you're right, to be honest I was suprised by how quickly things progressed. My instincts were telling me to be careful but because I had been on my own for so long I just threw caution to the wind and jumped in feet first. Now I'm left heartbroken while she has already moved on to someone else!

At least I have learnt some lessons, namely to trust my instincts and wait at least 3 months before getting so heavily invested in someone.

Definitely not your fault, and one should always trust their instincts! I disagree on the fact that one cannot genuinely fall in love over the course of 2 months only (that happened to me and my feelings were real and not mistakenly confused with loving the idea of being in love), it all depends on the person's background and potentially unresolved emotional baggage. You have dodged a bullet, she has not moved on to someone else, as she seems totally emotionally unavailable right now.

If she told you she was in love with you after 2 weeks that should have been the first "red flag" hitting you squarely in the face! 2 weeks??? Think about it! She was most likely rebounding entirely, and she is probably crazy as well. Who says after 2 weeks that they are "in love" and "want a relationship"? Crazy emotionally unstable people...people who are not real. Chalk this up as a lesson learned and be more careful next time when someone comes on too strongly right away. Real love, healthy relationships, and deep connections happen over time, gradually and steadily, in small steps. Keep this in mind when the next girl comes along...and there WILL be a next girl, buddy!

We met up and very quickly things developed, after just 2 weeks she told me that she was in love with me and wanted a relationship.

Things seemed great for the first 6 weeks or so but then for no apparent reason she started acting cold and distant towards me. I asked her what was wrong and she said it was nothing I had done wrong but she had realised that she wasn't over the breakup with her ex some 5 months ago who she had a child with about 18 months beforehand.

- Was it 'love'? No.

You were more like a 'Rebound' for her.. and yes, those sting!

She is unavailable, mentally & emotionally. And she'll most likely do the same to the next guy.. until she can 'deal with herself'.. sad, really

So- move on and keep walking. Someone like this is no good to be involved with.

Nothing you can do to change her mind. Her mind is all messed up at this time of her life.

Just take note.. for next time.

Life is an experience.. we live, we learn.. usually.

Heal from this experience... and move on... sorry you had to go thru this.

tc

I think you're right, to be honest I was suprised by how quickly things progressed. My instincts were telling me to be careful but because I had been on my own for so long I just threw caution to the wind and jumped in feet first. Now I'm left heartbroken while she has already moved on to someone else!

Been there done that. Its okay. It happens.