Tale of the Mink and the Turk -- Could be a breakup story but not yet. HELP!

Hello all,

Thank you in advance to anyone who responds.

Last August I met a Turkish girl on tinder. She is four years younger than me. She is here in the US on a temporary visa. We chatted for a couple weeks before getting together. Our first date was awesome. She was sooooo cute and I was very much attracted. The second date we came back to my place and ended up having sex and it was awesome but I regret it now. She basically told me that she was looking for a way to stay in the US permanently and I saw that as a big red flag but she charmed me into going on another date with her. We went to a music fest and had a great time.

By the fifth time we hung out I was starting to develop feelings for her. We eventually fell in love and things were magical - like all cloud 9 and . her visa got extended another year and I thought it would be enough time to figure things out, but I know I cannot and will not get married when she has to leave. Right now I don't have a career/job (I'm in school) and I've expressed to her that it's a terrible rash, decision and that if we're meant to be together it will happen somehow.

She doesn't see it that way. She has just been hoping and praying that I'm going to marry her when her time is up. She really does not want to go back to Turkey. I can understand that. I also know that she really does love me. Some of you might be shaking your heads, but, I'm not a dumb person. I can tell when someone really loves me and when they're just using me. And I love her too. It's complicated. But through all of this I've began to see the less beautiful side of her personality and she has seen mine. I'm beginning to see she's a tad manipulative.

I'm just wondering on how to move forward. We have another year to think about things, but I am in grad school and super busy all of the time so I can't devote all my energy towards this. She doesn't want to go back to Turkey and I get that. It's a little dangerous to live there right now and the quality of life isn't as good, but I'm not just gonna marry someone when I'm not ready just because of that!! Ammiright? (No seriously, am I right or wrong?). I would just like a little advice on how to move forward with this. I love her but I can't let that love make me do something that will change my life forever when I'm not ready. If it's meant to happen in the end it will. Agree or disagree?

Since she was completely up front and honest with you, I think you owe it to her to be honest in return. If you don't see yourself marrying her, let her go now so she'll have a shot at finding and marrying someone else before the year is over. If you think there's a good possibility you'll be ready by then, start getting yourself used to the idea of matrimony.

This isn't a game you're playing. Your emotional uncertainty and commitment issues could ruin her life. If you really love her, don't be the guy who sends her back home.

I think you're right ultimately, thanks for your advice.

Whoa, yeah the visa thing and you're in school. It's great to date and enjoy her but don't string her along. Tell her that you can't marry her.

However tell her you'll help her look for student or work visas she could apply for.

Does it make you wonder if she's dating you/sleeping with you for a green card rather than sincere interest? second date we came back to my place and ended up having sex and it was awesome but I regret it now. She basically told me that she was looking for a way to stay in the US permanently and I saw that as a big red flag. Right now I don't have a career/job (I'm in school).