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I blocked my ex everywhere but this urge of sending this last message


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My ex is blocked everywhere and for me this is a big step. However, I feel so bad. I cannot expect her to talk to me unless she comes running to my door. But I know this won't happen and I need to move on. But God is difficult. I blocked her on 2/10 and since than I haven't visit her profile until yesterday. What a big mistake! She haven't post pictures with baby daddy yet, but posted a video of her in the car, of course he maybe was driving. The car I got her to start working! Yesterday she talked to my best friend about me, saying that a video reminded her of me, and posted it on Instagram. I don't know if is a way of her to get my attention but is not going to work. Im tired of feeling that there will be a chance for us to be together again to than realize she wants nothing with me.

 

A week ago she told me she was back with baby daddy, I confronted her. She didn't want to tell me at first. I didn't say anything over the phone but later sent her a message saying how I felt and that this time she will be more unhappy as she decide for the second time to live a lie. And that it will be the lst time I talk to her.

 

 

I gave her my all and still she states that Im a toxic person only because I would get mad at her when I found out she was lying or hidding things from me. Yet, I failed to tell her that she was emotionally unstable and didn't know how to manage her own life. She cheated on me twice, she lied to me, she was bipolar- one day she was okay the other she was sad or mad for no apparent reason- She made me buy furniture for our apartment to later say that I didn't buy her with that- Only because sometimes I would get mad at her for overspending. Yet, she would feel bad because I made her feel as I have more money and had the control. She didn't appreciate me putting my loans aside to help her. She left the apartment and made me look as the bad person because she have no where to go with baby son and used that as an excuse to say why she was with baby daddy when she first left our apt. But now is back with her after he almost killed her and he got arrested over domestic violence charges.

 

 

We went back, I helped her with applying for taxi driver and going to college. She dropped out saying she wanted to have more time to work, than accussed me of taking her money but than realized that it wasn't as she though and now is left with no job and back with baby daddy because right now he is more financially stable than I am. As I have to pay my loans that I left behind for her!

 

 

Well, she's blocked everywhere! I feel really bad when I visit her facebook and see new updates. I promised myself that I will start 90 day challenge and this include not stalking her on social media or unblocking her. But how can I keep it? I feel so miserable. I was doing really well going to the gym, I passed my dmv road test, sold all of the furniture, , I was focusing on myself- but after I found out she's with him again I can't believe it or neither understand it. I failed to tell her that I know she's with him because of this. How can I live without telling her this?

 

Anyone please share your story of what changed in your life after you blocked your ex everywhere and how did you live without sending that last message

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Im using this time to focus on my self on the areas that I need improvement. You guys have no idea how much I wanted to tell her that I know that she is with him for money as it better to be with baby daddy than to go back to prostitution again. Yes, she was a prostitute, slept with an old man for money, worked at a night club drinking with guys for money. Yet, I took her and her son. I wanted her to live a normal life. Helped her to get a descent job after she quit the hotel job (this income wasnt enough for her and thats why she used men for money) and to go to college. As I told her, im so impress that he took the good out of her, what I taught her.

 

But yes, Alhough she has her negativity, I also admit my part and by no sending her that last message I noticed that my problem is to be so impulsive, saying words without thinking of the consequences and especially if those words are out of the heat of the moment.

 

What would I gain by telling her that I know shes back with him for money and that to go back to prostitution she'll be with baby daddy.

 

In my mind that shes aware that I know!

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Anyone can share their story if they blocked their exes and what happened after?

 

What happened with everyone else's ex's is irrelevant. You need to withdraw completely from social media for YOU.

 

You need to do it so YOU can heal, so YOU can reflect on who and where you are, so YOU can re-evaluate what YOU value and what YOU will accept in your life......and what you won't!

 

FB keeps us tied to people and old streams of consciousness that we revert back to because we're AFRAID of to let go of them. We're hurting. We fear that the sense of normal is never going to be the same....and it won't!

 

For me, FB kept the door open to my ex and fed fear-driven fantastic situations that I built in my mind. In order to grow, I had to let go of these fantasies, embrace the fact that my world was never going to be the same, that she wasn't coming back because she never truly loved me and that I needed to build a new REALITY through self-reflection, character development, acknowledgement of my faults/issues/problems and to develop strategies to mitigate them in my life moving forward.

 

I think that I'm actually starting to accomplish these things through time, distance and cutting the connections of social media. Old photos, FB profiles and other visual triggers are detrimental to my progress and I suspect that it is applicable to others as well.

 

I hope all of us move through our situations and end up happier, stronger and more centered as we push through the the emotional swamps that we've landed in after a breakup/betrayal/loss of someone in our lives.

 

Stay strong everyone. Better things are coming.....

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What happened with everyone else's ex's is irrelevant. You need to withdraw completely from social media for YOU.

 

You need to do it so YOU can heal, so YOU can reflect on who and where you are, so YOU can re-evaluate what YOU value and what YOU will accept in your life......and what you won't!

 

FB keeps us tied to people and old streams of consciousness that we revert back to because we're AFRAID of to let go of them. We're hurting. We fear that the sense of normal is never going to be the same....and it won't!

 

For me, FB kept the door open to my ex and fed fear-driven fantastic situations that I built in my mind. In order to grow, I had to let go of these fantasies, embrace the fact that my world was never going to be the same, that she wasn't coming back because she never truly loved me and that I needed to build a new REALITY through self-reflection, character development, acknowledgement of my faults/issues/problems and to develop strategies to mitigate them in my life moving forward.

 

I think that I'm actually starting to accomplish these things through time, distance and cutting the connections of social media. Old photos, FB profiles and other visual triggers are detrimental to my progress and I suspect that it is applicable to others as well.

 

I hope all of us move through our situations and end up happier, stronger and more centered as we push through the the emotional swamps that we've landed in after a breakup/betrayal/loss of someone in our lives.

 

Stay strong everyone. Better things are coming.....

 

Thank you for your advise. Just right now I had this feeling to go visit her profile to see what she has posted and after reading your words, man you saved from this mistake! I actually realized that I'm obsess with social media because of her. I delete the apps from my phone during the day and than just use it at least an hour. At least I know I won't receive a message from her as she's blocked from everywhere. Ah! As the hours and day pass I know she has posted million of stuff, she post almost everything that is going with her life on social media. I always dislike this from her, especially when she posted that we ended the relationship. Hanging in there! Thank you.

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I delete the apps from my phone during the day and than just use it at least an hour. At least I know I won't receive a message from her as she's blocked from everywhere. Ah! As the hours and day pass I know she has posted million of stuff, she post almost everything that is going with her life on social media. I always dislike this from her, especially when she posted that we ended the relationship. Hanging in there! Thank you.

 

Here's a thought: Uninstall the apps and see how you feel after three days without them. When you feel the urge to check them (read: what she's doing), pop over to Youtube and watch something on recovering from a break up or TEDtalks or something. (actually I watched race videos from the Nurburgring or surfing videos)

 

You'll be amazed how much your anxiety will go down by just removing the apps and concentrating on something else. I cyber-creeped for far too long and extended my pain and anxiety for months longer than I should have. Don't do this to yourself.

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Here's a thought: Uninstall the apps and see how you feel after three days without them. When you feel the urge to check them (read: what she's doing), pop over to Youtube and watch something on recovering from a break up or TEDtalks or something. (actually I watched race videos from the Nurburgring or surfing videos)

 

You'll be amazed how much your anxiety will go down by just removing the apps and concentrating on something else. I cyber-creeped for far too long and extended my pain and anxiety for months longer than I should have. Don't do this to yourself.

 

Oh Man I did! I spent this whole three month after the breakup on her social media like a creep! I remember when I used to tell to myself and even my friend "No, I need to know what shes up to! I rather know than not to know, you know to disappoint myself even more. Oh Man, I was so wrong. But I needed to come to the realization that this self inflicting pain needed to stop. That I need to focus on myself. I see that you are dating a new person, congrats! Did you ex ever contacted you? Did you also block her?

 

I'm going to def follow your advice. I don't want to deactivate but do need to detox myself from social media.

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Great article about social media detox. You are right Mr. ShatteredMan, Social media does takes a lot of your time. I've been doing this for two days and actually have more time in the morning to get ready as I don't have the app installed on my phone. I used to wake up and first thing was to check on Facebook and instagram. I remember that I even got upset at my ex for being on social media while we were outside spending time together. and this does talks about a person and their "priorities". I def don't want to date someone that prioritize social media more than "us" time.

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I'm also guilty of using social media to express my feelings or just to pretend that I'm happy and moving on. I did that before when we first ended the relationship and she was going crazy as I was posting pictures with another Woman at our apartment. But now I'm trying my best not to post things about my personal life or status about my thinking on social media. Although she's block I still have her friends but I unfollowed them.

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I'm very excited that I'm discovering negative things that I need to improve in my life and that I'm working on them. I do feel guilty that I stopped going to the gym but will get to the track again. It also makes me happy that I'm thinking of another things that is not related to her. Im going to start a social media detox which will help me to improve in my personal life. But at the same time, I'm using this to stop stalking my ex social media. Is like a mind game

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Social media is not the problem, it's your need to be in control that's the issue. From reading what you wrote it seems as though you feel like you are responsible for her because of all you've done for her. You somehow think that blocking her is punishing her but in reality you are only punishing yourself. It's a blow to your ego to see her revert back to what was comfortable for her but I'm going to be blunt and honest with you, it's her life and her decisions, she can do as she pleases without your permission. You leaving and blocking her is not going to stop her from living her life. You are only making yourself miserable. You're not her savior and thinking that you are is what is causing you to have a desire to keep a constant check on her. You want her to "need" you but get upset when it appears as if she doesn't. The sooner you realize that you are not her keeper the quicker you will be able to move on

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i do not feel that Im responsible for her but do feel bad that she did not value what I did for her. I left behind my loan to financially support her and be for her. I would be more happy if shell be single and making money for her own. I do not feel her savior, but man! I provided her with all of the support she needed emotionally, financially, and still she consider me a toxic person. But hey you are right, when she moved she told me that she got the apartment by herself with her own money not with the help of some one or baby daddy. She told me that I was mad that she was able to move out by herself without my help. Seriously? All I wanted her is to be happy and stable. What is that I do wrong?

 

Instead of her being with baby daddy who phisically abused her. I do not feel that Im pubishing her by blocking her I blocked her because I wad tired of waiting a message from her that never came. But if that comes from your perspective I bet It also comes from her. I will unblock her and face my demons.

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You blocked her because you was tired of waiting for a message from her that never came? How does that make sense. I'm not trying to bash you but I'm trying to get you to see the reality here. You couldn't handle the pain of her rejecting you. I understand it sucks that you helped her out a lot and it seems she doesn't appreciate it and that she's back with someone who treats her poorly when you felt you've been nothing but good to her but the truth still remains that she doesn't owe you anything. It's her life and she can live it how she pleases and you are just going to have to be ok with her right to make her own decisions.

 

Question: You did what you did to help her correct? You did it out of love right?

 

If so you shouldn't expect anything in return. If she's ungrateful that's on her but she's not obligated to go out of her way to try to make you feel like you're her hero. Just saying. Make better decisions next time and don't give your support where it's not reciprocated or appreciated.

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Exactly, I couldn't and can't handle the pain of her rejecting me. Not coming back to me as she did the first time she left (to be with him). Please don't get me wrong. I do not feel that she owes me something or that Im her hero. I know she didnt ask me to do this. I did it because I wanted to. But man, I know shes with him because hes more financially stable than I. And for her to go back to the street she rather be with baby daddy who forgive her everything. Do you think shes is healthy? One day shes with me the next with him. One day she wants to go to college than she drops out. She even admit to me once that she tends to do things out of impulse that later she regrets. For example, when she decided to cheat on me for money. Reading myself, you so right. I talk about her as shes my child but not my ex. But my point is that she cannot be stable with her own life and decision. Shes like a hawk, peace bored her.

 

The point that Im trying to make is that I did positive things for her but she didnt appreciate them. My point is that I forgot about me for her and all she did was betray, lie and disrespect me. I should have known better. But I did learned from my experience and next time I would be very careful. More importantly, Im focusing on me.

 

 

Thank you, your outside perspective helped.

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Glad you could see what I'm talking about and I now also have a better understanding of you. No she does not seem healthy but I don't know her backstory or what she's been through in life. Bottom line, she has to be ready for change and want better for herself not because you want it for her. Life will teach her the lessons she needs to learn but right now it seems as though she's caught up in her own dysfunctional patterns. Let it be. Live and let live. In time your heart will heal.

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Thank you. Yes, is time to focus on me and improve myself. I don't hate her neither wish her bad. I used to say I cant wait for the time Karma hits her and she comes back to me. But, I dont want this in my life. Now I wish that she stays happy away from me and never look back. In the almos three month we separated she planned to stay single and work. She wanted to demonstrate me that she can do it by her own. When all I did was support her and believe She could do it. But she failed to keep her job and decided to move out of the state as she cannot afford NY expensive life as a single mom.

 

Thats her problem. Her weakness. She do things out of impulse without planning without thinking of the consequences . She wanted to drop out of school even though she might have to pay that money later.

 

I asked her not to leave and wanted her back. First, she pretended to be a new partner than when we talked she said it was her and did it to bother me. I went to see her son, my lord he wasso happy to sew me. I bought him clothes and he was so happy hugging and kissing me! I sent her a msg saying that I noticed he was being neglected by her and she cut me off by saying stop talking bs. But baby sitter told me she didn't dedicate too much time to him and hasd homework of three weeks due. That day we met each other by coincidence but I pretended that I didn't see her. She later texted me saying that My gym workout is showing progress. She even proposed to b friends and I said no!

 

I than asked her if it was true she was leaving and she said yes. She told me she asked me thousand time to leave to start fresh but I didn't listen (lies, I did) she said she wants to start a new life new everything and nothing would change her mind. A week later shes staying in our state and is back with baby daddy.

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This feeling is just unexplainable. Im fully aware that I need her out of my life for good. I put into a balance having her out and in my life. As shes out Im able to concentrate on paying off my credit card and student loand debt. Im able to focus and improve on myself. But is kind of hard, is the first time I stay single after ending a relationship. Having her in my life makes it impossible for me to concentrate on paying off my debts. She things on living "today" and like misspending. Whenever I say NO to things she would get mad at me or say that shes beneath me as I have more money to spend than her. All I wanted her is to give me some support and understanding. That I needed to concentrate on my loans. But all she wanted was me paying her bills and have some extra for her misspendings. Screw my bills! She even got upset at me for using her money to pay her bills when she ended the relationship, she even tried to say that I stole from her. But time, again, damn time! Showed her that the taxi money was not as she though.

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