So This is a follow up to my previous posts about a guy I started dating before Christmas. My last real relationship was very abusive and this was my first real attempt at a relationship in 3 years. I met him on Tinder, and was immediately drawn to him because he was very gentle, no man had ever treated me so gently and it made me feel very safe.
Things sort of progressed at lightning speed with him showering me in gifts and adoration and taking me on luxurious dates. I made sure I paid for some of our outings to be fair, and I did my best to try and slow the pace of things. He expected to sleep with me right away, but I was terrified and just couldn't. He figured out I had been abused in the past and said he had no problem waiting for me, he just needed to know it was going to happen one day and I was attracted to him.
We kept dating and after a beautiful date in NYC I decided I was ready to sleep with him. He was shocked and unprepared and couldn't perform. The attempt turned into a disaster, I got all flustered and felt like I had done something to turn him off and awkwardly tried to leave his apartment. He called me back inside, we kissed and made up, I apologized for running and he said he wanted to keep seeing me and dating me.
I later asked him if he wanted to see other people would he let me know. He told me of course he would but was into me. I told him I was worried he wasn't attracted to me because of the failed sex and he said it was because of the alcohol and he was literally in shock. He said after 11 dates he wasn't sure it would ever happen, he had never waited so long, and wasn't expecting it. He reassured me and I felt better.
The next weekend (Super Bowl Sunday) we went on a date and tried again, it was phenomenal. He kissed me a million times as I was leaving and sent me a picture of the red dress he wanted me to wear on Valentine's Day. He asked if I would be his Valentine and said that this would be the best Valentines Day of my life, so get ready.
Last week (the week of Super Bowl Sunday) he didn't make plans to see me during the week and I had an event for my job out of state for Saturday and Sunday. We got a blizzard on Wednesday and Thursday, and Friday the roads were a disaster. Saturday and Sunday I was unavailable, but it snowed anyhow. I FaceTime chatted him on Wednesday and things seemed normal. He had gotten the news he got a promotion and pay raise that Monday and it was the perfect week for him, he said everything was coming together.
I mentioned I'd like to see him during the week and he brought up the blizzard and the event I had that weekend and said we were looking into the following week (this week). He did agree that we should see eachother more though. I noticed on Saturday he didn't text me until very late in the evening, and his texts were void of emotion, he was talking strictly about the gym and his "summer body". He asked how my day was, but didn't seem as warm as usual.
Later Saturday night I texted him a simple "goodnight" and I woke up Sunday to see he hadn't responded when he ALWAYS responds. Without thinking I texted him the link to a funny video Sunday morning and he responded laughing and said it was really funny. He did not respond or text me at all after which is not like him cause he always texts throughout the day. I noticed he has been on Facebook 24/7 and has simply been choosing not to communicate me while just surfing social media. I noticed he still his my pictures up on his Facebook and after we slept together, he changed his age to "91" on Tinder so he wouldn't show up in anybody's matches (which I appreciate).
Yesterday, Monday he did not contact me at all and was on Facebook all day. I texted him at 9pm "hi I hope you had a good day " and he did not respond and was on Facebook until midnight. He has NEVER ignored me or not contacted me since we have been dating, ever.
I am very hurt I'm getting stood up on Valentine's Day, and I feel so stupid for being vulnerable with this guy. I have no idea what I did or what happened to make him not want to talk to me anymore, but he has completely shut down. This is not the sweet, gentle, sensitive man I've been falling in love with. It's like he's suddenly as cold as ice and I have no clue what to do.
I feel like I can't make good decisions about men, I feel stupid and like there's something wrong with me preventing me from finding love. Like no matter what, men will never find me good enough to treat well, because no man ever has. From your perspective, please tell me what I did, and if I should ask him for closure? I'm so upset and I feel completely undesirable.