Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Judgemental dad, how do i handle it

  1. #1
    chocolate_86
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Melbourne,Australia
    Posts
    169
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3

    Judgemental dad, how do i handle it

    My dad hates that my boyfriend and i rent. And he is vocal about it. He even said he isn't comfortable at our place and that its a dump.
    He goes on and on. "I can't believe your paying this much to live here, you should move "blah blah blah.

    Now its not a palace by any means, but its clean and apart from a few cracks in the walls from structure damage its good. And its quite big for an apartment.

    We never ask my mum and dad for money or his mum and dad, we pay for everything ourselves. We budget and we save. We both work full time.

    He even calls me and asks me whats our savings account looking like.

    My mum doesn't do this. She never makes any judgement or asks any questions about our finances.

    How do i deal with this?

  2. #2
    Wiseman2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    17,431
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    12722
    Minimize these conversations. Just keep saying 'we're doing fine, thanks' and change the subject. Does he object to you living together or not living at home? Does he object to your bf?
    Quote Originally Posted by chocolate_86 [Register to see the link]
    My dad hates that my boyfriend and i rent.
    He even calls me and asks me whats our savings account looking like.

  3. #3
    DancingFool
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    5,447
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3771
    Next time he tells you that you shouldn't be living there, ask him what his solution to that is. Either he will quickly pipe down because he doesn't have one or he will tell you what's eating at him and what his advice is. Be prepared to hear him out, murmur some platitudes about how you will consider it or are working toward that and drop the convo. Don't start an argument.

    Sounds like he is anxious for you and your well being, but is expressing it poorly. Maybe consider just reassuring him that you are doing well and are secure and happy instead of getting defensive and reacting like he is criticizing you.

  4. Thanks Wiseman2 thanked for this post
  5. #4
    journeynow
    Platinum Member journeynow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    4,861
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1364
    I'd deflect it. "I love you, Dad." Don't engage in the topic. Don't agree or disagree, but saying "I love you, Dad" simply acknowledges him. Or if you can't bring yourself to say that, simply change the subject to a hobby or interest of his. When my dad was alive, I'd ask him about computers, weather, movies, or how he was feeling. Sometimes when he was really stuck on a divisive topic I'd have to say (as cheerfully as possible) "Let's talk about something else!" It really was about me training myself not to take the bait, and to steer the conversation to something better for me.

  6. Thanks RainyCoast, Wiseman2 thanked for this post
Top Threads
My Christmas
I choose to live apart from my family because they tend to drive me batty. However, I have not been home for the holidays in 5 years, babies have
Asking for input from estranged children
Hello. I'm hoping that I can get some input from adult children who are estranged from their parents. My youngest son is 28, and has decided that
My mom trying to pick clothes for me
I'm tired of my mom trying to control the clothes I wear. I don't want her picking my clothes. I'm 26. It's so embarrassing. I miss it when I used to
Judgemental dad, how do i handle it
My dad hates that my boyfriend and i rent. And he is vocal about it. He even said he isn't comfortable at our place and that its a dump. He goes on
Am I wrong for this?
For those of y'all that be been on here a bit y'all have seen me post about mom and her declining health for a while now. She's back in the hospital

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Is he still in love with his EX?
I met this great guy at work (last November), he just got out of a painful breakup (last September) during that time he kept communicating with his
Can't get over girlfriends past
I've been dating this girl for about 5 months and its going great. The only issue is that I can't get over her sexual history. There are several
I dont like my girlfriends new piercing
So my girlfriend went and got nipple piercings knowing that i didnt like them and didnt tell me she was gonna get them. They are a really big turn
What I am to her ?
hey guys I want some counseling .. I met a girl online .. At first she said that she doesn't wanna fall for me and we will be just friends .. I said
I want my family back
Hi, I was dumped on New Years Eve by my ex girlfriend of 8 years whom I have a 6 year old with. We have been arguing for the past few months prior to
Anxious and depressed about being 32 yo and not married
I could really use some kind and encouraging words right now because I wake up every morning to an intense feeling of pain because I am alone. I'm 32
Ex (dumper) delays giving keys back. Why?
First time poster. Been viewing threads somewhat regularly for a few months now and figured I'd get a few opinions. I'll give a little of the
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •