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Thread: Judgemental dad, how do i handle it

  1. #1
    chocolate_86
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    Judgemental dad, how do i handle it

    My dad hates that my boyfriend and i rent. And he is vocal about it. He even said he isn't comfortable at our place and that its a dump.
    He goes on and on. "I can't believe your paying this much to live here, you should move "blah blah blah.

    Now its not a palace by any means, but its clean and apart from a few cracks in the walls from structure damage its good. And its quite big for an apartment.

    We never ask my mum and dad for money or his mum and dad, we pay for everything ourselves. We budget and we save. We both work full time.

    He even calls me and asks me whats our savings account looking like.

    My mum doesn't do this. She never makes any judgement or asks any questions about our finances.

    How do i deal with this?

  2. #2
    Wiseman2
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    Minimize these conversations. Just keep saying 'we're doing fine, thanks' and change the subject. Does he object to you living together or not living at home? Does he object to your bf?
    Quote Originally Posted by chocolate_86 [Register to see the link]
    My dad hates that my boyfriend and i rent.
    He even calls me and asks me whats our savings account looking like.

  3. #3
    DancingFool
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    Next time he tells you that you shouldn't be living there, ask him what his solution to that is. Either he will quickly pipe down because he doesn't have one or he will tell you what's eating at him and what his advice is. Be prepared to hear him out, murmur some platitudes about how you will consider it or are working toward that and drop the convo. Don't start an argument.

    Sounds like he is anxious for you and your well being, but is expressing it poorly. Maybe consider just reassuring him that you are doing well and are secure and happy instead of getting defensive and reacting like he is criticizing you.

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    journeynow
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    I'd deflect it. "I love you, Dad." Don't engage in the topic. Don't agree or disagree, but saying "I love you, Dad" simply acknowledges him. Or if you can't bring yourself to say that, simply change the subject to a hobby or interest of his. When my dad was alive, I'd ask him about computers, weather, movies, or how he was feeling. Sometimes when he was really stuck on a divisive topic I'd have to say (as cheerfully as possible) "Let's talk about something else!" It really was about me training myself not to take the bait, and to steer the conversation to something better for me.

  6. Thanks RainyCoast, Wiseman2 thanked for this post
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