Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Living abroad. Zero distractions available from alcohol / breakup

  1. #1
    IsaacT
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    55
    Thanked
    10

    Living abroad. Zero distractions available from alcohol / breakup

    Hey everyone,

    I'm coming up on one week without alcohol but every day is still a battle. Let me give a little background behind where I am now and why I decided to stop drinking.

    I'm a recent college graduate and, for a few months now, I've been living in a small city in a foreign country, where I've been doing a post-graduate internship. At first, it was great; I enjoyed the immersion, speaking the language, getting into my work, getting to know my roommates etc.

    A few months into it, things became rocky with my GF (back at college where we met) because of the distance. Fast-forward three months later to now: we recently went through a breakup that involved her being intimate with someone else while we were still together, saying the distance was too hard etc. It was / has been, without a doubt, the most emotionally difficult experience I've ever been through.

    My world turned upside down and, at the same time, everything around me started to seem less bright and promising. Winter settled in and everything seemed bleak. My roommates started retreating and I realized that I had no other real friends, let alone people to speak English with, in this new location. The loneliness became very real. My days started to consist entirely of forcing myself to work, dragging myself back home and going to bed.

    I immediately started coping with alcohol. I saw no other option for numbing the pain. It started with a bottle of wine or two a night. Then it became two or three bottles. By the end of the three weeks, I had been ignoring my responsibilities at work, failed to show up for several days and was scared about the direction I was heading.

    I quit drinking and went through some very painful withdrawal (which is pretty much over at this point, thank goodness!) but the rest of my situation has not changed. I've started seeing a therapist which has helped a fair amount. I've been constantly on the phone with my close friends and loved ones back home, but this doesn't seem to be a substitute for face-to-face human connection. The isolation and lack of distraction have made moving on from my ex incredibly difficult.

    So, when I sit at home with nothing to do but ruminate about the pain, the liquor store down the street starts to look really friendly. I'm supposed to be here for about five more months, and I'm desperate for some outlet other than alcohol.

    Any advice, wisdom, experience etc. would be sincerely appreciated.

  2. #2
    Wiseman2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    22,431
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    16597
    Do they have AA type support meetings in your location? It's too tough to go this alone. Isolation and despair are alcohol's tools.
    Or even online support?

    [Register to see the link]

  3. #3
    Hollyj
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    11,576
    Thanked
    4983
    Aren't there any expat groups? Have you considered volunteering? There must be something you can do outside of your apt.

  4. #4
    catfeeder
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    18,559
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4026
    At first, it was great; I enjoyed the immersion, speaking the language, getting into my work, getting to know my roommates etc.
    What do you recall enjoying about all of this, and what has changed about it beyond your own perceptions? Can you increase your sessions with the therapist and have him or her refer you to a social worker for help to get into AA meetings or some kind of group support?

    As a mental safety net, I'd walk through what it would take and the consequences of putting this term on hold to return to your family. You may not need to reach for that, but a mental rehearsal can serve as a psychological safety net that you 'could' implement if you need an out.

    It makes no sense to stick around there if you're failing the term. Check with your Dean to learn what it will take to salvage the outcome, and then you can decide whether you're up for that or not.

    Meanwhile, I'd make it a private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this. Rumination will only dig you a deeper hole to climb out of unless you reverse your focus and plan your ascent, instead.

    That's a decision.

    Head high.

  5. #5
    ShatteredMan
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    350
    Thanked
    199
    Completely agree about rumination.....it nearly killed me.

    My complex had a gym and if I couldn't sleep at night because of thinking about my ex, I'd get up and go hit the treadmill for 45 minutes or walk on it for an hour with relaxation music on. I would go until I was exhausted, then go shower and pass out.

    Sometimes I'd do this at 11pm and then tried to sleep. I'd sleep until 3am and repeat the process.....

    in the end, I didn't sleep much but it kept me from hitting the bottle. It did trim 30lbs off of me though.....

  6.  

Top Threads
Feeling conflicted about this man
So there's this guy I used to talk to. Long story short it did not end well. The last thing he told me was "we do not need to speak" (which I thought
Mirena coil / "womb cancer"
I've had a Mirena coil fitted for 2 years and have suffered negative side effects ever since day 1. It just never really settled. I then had
Day after neck disc replacement
Yesterday I had surgery or a herniated disc in my neck. I was up and walking right afterward.. Meaning I walked to the bathroom. So this is my
Knee problems
I've never had this occur before but for the past couple days my knee hurts something awful when I try to bend it. It's pretty stiff at other times
T2 Diabetes
I am a T2 diabetic and am looking for others who are also T2 diabetics to chat with with and exchange tips with.
Hypopituitarism
I was wondering if there is anyone out there with this condition. I have been diagnosed four years ago and would like to communicate with someone

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
I love you, but I'm not in love with you.
So my fiancÚ of 7.5 years has decided she isn't in love with me anymore so has broken up with me. Our situation is very complicated we have a 2.5
How far should I go with unfriending/blocking on social media?
Hi all, I'm going hard no contact. She originally unfriended me on Snap and Twitter. I recently unfriended her on FB and IG. I also went a step
missing atm
I think what I miss at the moment is having a friend to talk to like we used to. She became the only person I really talked to for the better part
Mum boyfriend inapropriate
Hi everyone, thought i would share an update on whats happened so far. Thankyou all for helping me out yesterday, everything you all said was really
Girlfriend always mad at me
Me and my girlfriend have been togetehr for almost a year. I love her more than anything and i know shes not cheating on me or anything like that
I [F/26] found underwear in my boyfriend's [M/30] pocket.
I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. Recently, my boyfriend asked me to look for some money, so I looked everywhere and I couldn't find it. I
Ex gf text me out of the blue
I guess I just want some feedback and honest replies as my head is completely gone again. Me and my ex gf have been in no contact for a few months
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •