Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Living abroad. Zero distractions available from alcohol / breakup

  1. #1
    IsaacT
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    55
    Thanked
    10

    Living abroad. Zero distractions available from alcohol / breakup

    Hey everyone,

    I'm coming up on one week without alcohol but every day is still a battle. Let me give a little background behind where I am now and why I decided to stop drinking.

    I'm a recent college graduate and, for a few months now, I've been living in a small city in a foreign country, where I've been doing a post-graduate internship. At first, it was great; I enjoyed the immersion, speaking the language, getting into my work, getting to know my roommates etc.

    A few months into it, things became rocky with my GF (back at college where we met) because of the distance. Fast-forward three months later to now: we recently went through a breakup that involved her being intimate with someone else while we were still together, saying the distance was too hard etc. It was / has been, without a doubt, the most emotionally difficult experience I've ever been through.

    My world turned upside down and, at the same time, everything around me started to seem less bright and promising. Winter settled in and everything seemed bleak. My roommates started retreating and I realized that I had no other real friends, let alone people to speak English with, in this new location. The loneliness became very real. My days started to consist entirely of forcing myself to work, dragging myself back home and going to bed.

    I immediately started coping with alcohol. I saw no other option for numbing the pain. It started with a bottle of wine or two a night. Then it became two or three bottles. By the end of the three weeks, I had been ignoring my responsibilities at work, failed to show up for several days and was scared about the direction I was heading.

    I quit drinking and went through some very painful withdrawal (which is pretty much over at this point, thank goodness!) but the rest of my situation has not changed. I've started seeing a therapist which has helped a fair amount. I've been constantly on the phone with my close friends and loved ones back home, but this doesn't seem to be a substitute for face-to-face human connection. The isolation and lack of distraction have made moving on from my ex incredibly difficult.

    So, when I sit at home with nothing to do but ruminate about the pain, the liquor store down the street starts to look really friendly. I'm supposed to be here for about five more months, and I'm desperate for some outlet other than alcohol.

    Any advice, wisdom, experience etc. would be sincerely appreciated.

  2. #2
    Wiseman2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    22,428
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    16628
    Do they have AA type support meetings in your location? It's too tough to go this alone. Isolation and despair are alcohol's tools.
    Or even online support?

    [Register to see the link]

  3. #3
    Hollyj
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    12,655
    Thanked
    5766
    Aren't there any expat groups? Have you considered volunteering? There must be something you can do outside of your apt.

  4. #4
    catfeeder
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    18,984
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4305
    At first, it was great; I enjoyed the immersion, speaking the language, getting into my work, getting to know my roommates etc.
    What do you recall enjoying about all of this, and what has changed about it beyond your own perceptions? Can you increase your sessions with the therapist and have him or her refer you to a social worker for help to get into AA meetings or some kind of group support?

    As a mental safety net, I'd walk through what it would take and the consequences of putting this term on hold to return to your family. You may not need to reach for that, but a mental rehearsal can serve as a psychological safety net that you 'could' implement if you need an out.

    It makes no sense to stick around there if you're failing the term. Check with your Dean to learn what it will take to salvage the outcome, and then you can decide whether you're up for that or not.

    Meanwhile, I'd make it a private goal to surprise everyone, including myself, with my resilience and ability to bounce back from this. Rumination will only dig you a deeper hole to climb out of unless you reverse your focus and plan your ascent, instead.

    That's a decision.

    Head high.

  5. #5
    ShatteredMan
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    421
    Thanked
    236
    Completely agree about rumination.....it nearly killed me.

    My complex had a gym and if I couldn't sleep at night because of thinking about my ex, I'd get up and go hit the treadmill for 45 minutes or walk on it for an hour with relaxation music on. I would go until I was exhausted, then go shower and pass out.

    Sometimes I'd do this at 11pm and then tried to sleep. I'd sleep until 3am and repeat the process.....

    in the end, I didn't sleep much but it kept me from hitting the bottle. It did trim 30lbs off of me though.....

  6.  

Top Threads
healthy activities you like
Hey people! Like everyone here, I'm trying to find myself, what i like and what i can keep myself busy with; and so far I've come up with a short
Getting stood up: is it a big deal?
Iím not sure if this is the right topic to post this forum in, but here it goes. Iíve experienced getting stood up A LOT in my life. (Itís funny
Interesting/Smartphones
How Smartphones Hijack Our Minds Research suggests that as the brain grows dependent on phone technology, the intellect weakens Appeared in the
I'm struggling to function...
As I write this I'm feeling incredibly anxious and depressed, and I'm at a loss for what to do. I'm currently taking anti-depressants and I'm
Has anyone used talkspace?
Talkspace is a modern version of therapy. Completely digital with communication through text messages. I am considering doing it for 1 month as a
Father passed away
We decided to take my dad off life support 2 weeks ago. The funeral was a couple of days ago. I posted about family issues before. My family is not a

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
My (ex?) girlfriend has anorexia and it probably destroyed our relationship - what to do?
Hello. I would like to tell my story. I am a 22 year-old male dating an 18 year-old female, though we have probably broken up today. This is
Question about how I should handle the finances in my marriage
I recently married my bf of 5 years and we are expecting a baby early next year. Since then I've found out some rather disturbing things about his
married now found out she cheated while we were dating Im so confused help
We have been married 2 years and dated a long time before we were married (16yrs) 5 years into our relationship my wife , then gf went on a cruise
Wanting To Be With Loved One In After-Life
Has anyone who has ever lost a loved one with whom they were extremely close and loved dearly ever thought about taking his/her own life so as to be
Does everyone have some positive qualities?
Since the day I had been dumped (got dumped in April and after all the failed efforts to reconcile, accepted his decision in mid July). I feel I am a
I it wrong to date my sister's ex boyfriend?
My sister was dating a guy for two month, and me and her bf start being friends until they broke up.....i have feelings for him and he also loves me
She left me because she thinks I'm dumb
I have been in relationship with this girl and moved to her country 3 months ago and lately things are going pretty bad and she is seeking for a
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •