Jump to content

I ruined a Soul connection


Solostwhattodo

Recommended Posts

Feeling so lonely and remorseful. It started innocently and was beautiful. We were like magnets, we even quit smoking together for 8 months! I picked back up last month due to stress of everything. It was his first serious relationship in his 30s. He is highly intelligent and very spiritual but does not work, believe in excess and extremely anti-establishment. He is very unique. I am almost 40, 7 years older than him and have had 3 serious long term relationships. He is very kind and upbeat for the most part. He has a lot of issues, ones that I don't know I could really get used to. He can be selfish, controlling, he is manipulative, narcissistic, pompous, does not want children, ruined two of my primary (out of 5) friendships purposefully, and embarrassed me in public. However, I think I really am the one who messed things up. I was very irritable, and have a habit of drilling things into people relentlessly that upset me in the past. He would push my buttons so often. I knew we needed space after just 3 months, and we are finally taking it after 11. Neither of us was strong enough to get out of each others way.

 

SO HERE IT IS: NEITHER OF US IS WORKING. I took a year off to travel with him. We spent every single day together from march until now, except for one time we had 3 days apart when he left me stranded hiking. I soooooo know from experience how important taking space is. We now have been apart for 3 days - no contact! He has never had a phone, hates tech.

I had been keeping some of my stuff at a friend of his who is a girl. i went to go get it and he came by and the both of them made me feel like a third wheel. Now he is at her place with our cat and she blocked me on Facebook. I know they had a connection and she is in love with him. I have managed to use my self control- but he knows I have no one! i basically drove him across the United Stars to drop him and our cat off at his new girlfriends house. I seriously think that he needed to know he could fall back on her before he told me ENOUGH. We had so many problems, I just feel like I wanted it to end amicably and now it feels so open ended. I feel so hurt, rejected, betrayed, lone. She is probably taking advantage of his vulnerability and I can't to anything about it. I cannot believe it ended this way. I am trying not to be angry as I know that it is something this relationship has really highlighted for me, but I am just so sad and don't know what to do next. I am jobless, homeless, and 1000s of miles from anyone who would take me in. I miss him and I love him, I don't think I want to be with him. I don't know what to say about her. I may as well have just thrown him into her arms. He is so vulnerable as it is. I really screwed up! She was posting pics of my cat on fb n I ignored, then she had the nerve to block me!!!! I don't know what to do....help. I think they are both ruining my reputation, because he is always worried about his, but never says a bad thing about anyone.

Link to comment
He has a lot of issues, ones that I don't know I could really get used to. He can be selfish, controlling, he is manipulative, narcissistic, pompous, does not want children, ruined two of my primary (out of 5) friendships purposefully, and embarrassed me in public. He would push my buttons so often. I knew we needed space after just 3 months, and we are finally taking it after 11..

I'm sorry you're hurting, but you really really need to re-read your words above and absorb them. Personally, I think you dodged a bullet but that's just me. When reading your whole story, I don't think this would have worked out for the long term - to me, you two seem incompatible.

 

I think the best thing you can do is move on from this.

Link to comment

I appreciate it, you are right. Coincidentally, he has an Aspergers diagnosis, so there are many of these things I tried to overlook, or thought it was because of the Aspergers. Like him not being able to put himself in another's shoes, feeling insecure about my other relationships, etc. I just feel badly, and that may have something to do with it. I'm so sad.

Link to comment
Oh, and I did not in anyway mean to insinuate that it does. I am sure you have a wonderful sweet boy! I guess the fact that he does makes me question if I took it into consideration enough even when I wrote about him in this post. Thank you and sincerely I did not mean to stereotype in anyway. 🙏✌️

Sometimes it is hard to know what is disability and what is just bad character isn't it? I think though ditching you places and ruining your friendships purposefully is bad character.

Link to comment

That is true. I guess now I will grapple with my guilt for being so emotional and short tempered. We had many positive experiences together and I learned a lot about myself and what I need to work on. I only hope that down the road we can be civil to one another. Now just have to figure out what I am going to do with my life!

I already feel inclined to forgive him for going with that girl because neither of us was strong enough to let go with nowhere or nobody to lean on. They are probably manipulating each other. Her taking advantage of his. Ulnerability and him. Reading the support and her apartment! At least I've got a car for now. There were co-dependency issues too, coupled with no space.

Link to comment
That is true. I guess now I will grapple with my guilt for being so emotional and short tempered. We had many positive experiences together and I learned a lot about myself and what I need to work on. I only hope that down the road we can be civil to one another. Now just have to figure out what I am going to do with my life!

I already feel inclined to forgive him for going with that girl because neither of us was strong enough to let go with nowhere or nobody to lean on. They are probably manipulating each other. Her taking advantage of his. Ulnerability and him. Reading the support and her apartment! At least I've got a car for now. There were co-dependency issues too, coupled with no space.

 

 

Yes I wondering about that!!! Like wow you're kind of stranded. He was pretty heartless.

Link to comment

Yeah, I guess, but I was being a major pain in the a$$ when he left me stranded the first time.

 

Actions speak louder than words though. Because as he was going into her place (I know he's not into her other than as a companion) I said if you go in there You will never see me again. He said I still love you. I just remained silent. And he went inside.

Omg, I'm rereading my words and this just seems crazy now! I saw red flags right away, but I wear my heart on my sleeve! My emotions rule my world. Gotta work on that!

Link to comment

He can be selfish, controlling, he is manipulative, narcissistic, pompous, does not want children, ruined two of my primary (out of 5) friendships purposefully, and embarrassed me in public. However, I think I really am the one who messed things up. I was very irritable, and have a habit of drilling things into people relentlessly that upset me in the past. He would push my buttons so often.

- This is what you have to remember....

 

He was no good for you! I think you know that this guy is NOT relationship material... right?

 

Then let the loser move on to use & manipulate someone else!

 

I'm sure you realize that over time.. he'd keep on affecting you in a negative way. This isn't 'happy'.. is it?

No. This is miserable and crap.

 

Be glad you dodged the bullet.

Link to comment
How were you supposed to react when he ditched you???

 

I should have discontinued the relationship right then and there, but he got sick and I felt obligated. What I meant was that I pushed him to the point of taking off a couple of months ago, but we were too codependent....which I realize no one else would have done, that is why I am wondering if that is character defect or Aspergers or he's just a jerk!

Thank you all for the support. I am seeing it more clearly now...still just sad. Started off really magical. Ai have a great opportunity to do pretty much anything I want I have nothing tying me down...just need to get out of depression. I have nothing to feel but grateful. Thank you

Wow! I bet he and that girl have bad mouthed me. I haven't said anything...that's why it's best I post here online anonymously.

What to do where to go? My life!

Link to comment

You said

 

He has a lot of issues, ones that I don't know I could really get used to. He can be selfish, controlling, he is manipulative, narcissistic, pompous, does not want children, ruined two of my primary (out of 5) friendships purposefully, and embarrassed me in public

 

then said

 

She is probably taking advantage of his vulnerability and I can't to anything about it

 

He isn't vulnerable , he is a complete bell end .

Link to comment
He is highly intelligent and very spiritual but does not work, believe in excess and extremely anti-establishment. He is very unique.

 

He has a man bun and a beard, doesn't he?

 

From all that you've described, he's an absolute waste of space. Sorry, I'm not usually that harsh about people, but...

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...