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Thread: I ruined a Soul connection

  1. #1
    Solostwhattodo
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    I ruined a Soul connection

    Feeling so lonely and remorseful. It started innocently and was beautiful. We were like magnets, we even quit smoking together for 8 months! I picked back up last month due to stress of everything. It was his first serious relationship in his 30s. He is highly intelligent and very spiritual but does not work, believe in excess and extremely anti-establishment. He is very unique. I am almost 40, 7 years older than him and have had 3 serious long term relationships. He is very kind and upbeat for the most part. He has a lot of issues, ones that I don't know I could really get used to. He can be selfish, controlling, he is manipulative, narcissistic, pompous, does not want children, ruined two of my primary (out of 5) friendships purposefully, and embarrassed me in public. However, I think I really am the one who messed things up. I was very irritable, and have a habit of drilling things into people relentlessly that upset me in the past. He would push my buttons so often. I knew we needed space after just 3 months, and we are finally taking it after 11. Neither of us was strong enough to get out of each others way.

    SO HERE IT IS: NEITHER OF US IS WORKING. I took a year off to travel with him. We spent every single day together from march until now, except for one time we had 3 days apart when he left me stranded hiking. I soooooo know from experience how important taking space is. We now have been apart for 3 days - no contact! He has never had a phone, hates tech.
    I had been keeping some of my stuff at a friend of his who is a girl. i went to go get it and he came by and the both of them made me feel like a third wheel. Now he is at her place with our cat and she blocked me on Facebook. I know they had a connection and she is in love with him. I have managed to use my self control- but he knows I have no one! i basically drove him across the United Stars to drop him and our cat off at his new girlfriends house. I seriously think that he needed to know he could fall back on her before he told me ENOUGH. We had so many problems, I just feel like I wanted it to end amicably and now it feels so open ended. I feel so hurt, rejected, betrayed, lone. She is probably taking advantage of his vulnerability and I can't to anything about it. I cannot believe it ended this way. I am trying not to be angry as I know that it is something this relationship has really highlighted for me, but I am just so sad and don't know what to do next. I am jobless, homeless, and 1000s of miles from anyone who would take me in. I miss him and I love him, I don't think I want to be with him. I don't know what to say about her. I may as well have just thrown him into her arms. He is so vulnerable as it is. I really screwed up! She was posting pics of my cat on fb n I ignored, then she had the nerve to block me!!!! I don't know what to do....help. I think they are both ruining my reputation, because he is always worried about his, but never says a bad thing about anyone.

  2. #2
    Capricorn3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solostwhattodo [Register to see the link]
    He has a lot of issues, ones that I don't know I could really get used to. He can be selfish, controlling, he is manipulative, narcissistic, pompous, does not want children, ruined two of my primary (out of 5) friendships purposefully, and embarrassed me in public. He would push my buttons so often. I knew we needed space after just 3 months, and we are finally taking it after 11..
    I'm sorry you're hurting, but you really really need to re-read your words above and absorb them. Personally, I think you dodged a bullet but that's just me. When reading your whole story, I don't think this would have worked out for the long term - to me, you two seem incompatible.

    I think the best thing you can do is move on from this.

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  4. #3
    Solostwhattodo
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    Thank you. Just what I needed to hear. Still hurts and I am at a loss of what to do now. There was one point when I almost left and I was feeling strong, but right now I am feeling terrible about my actions and behaviors, it's been over for awhile, letting go is never easy.

  5. #4
    ~Seraphim ~
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    Actually, he doesn't sound unique, he sounds like a jerk. Sorry.

  6. #5
    Solostwhattodo
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    I appreciate it, you are right. Coincidentally, he has an Aspergers diagnosis, so there are many of these things I tried to overlook, or thought it was because of the Aspergers. Like him not being able to put himself in another's shoes, feeling insecure about my other relationships, etc. I just feel badly, and that may have something to do with it. I'm so sad.

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    ~Seraphim ~
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    Well, just to be clear Aspergers doesn't make people a jerk , some people just are due to how they are raised. I have a very sweet Aspergers boy.

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    Solostwhattodo
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    Oh, and I did not in anyway mean to insinuate that it does. I am sure you have a wonderful sweet boy! I guess the fact that he does makes me question if I took it into consideration enough even when I wrote about him in this post. Thank you and sincerely I did not mean to stereotype in anyway. 🙏✌️

  10. #8
    ~Seraphim ~
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solostwhattodo [Register to see the link]
    Oh, and I did not in anyway mean to insinuate that it does. I am sure you have a wonderful sweet boy! I guess the fact that he does makes me question if I took it into consideration enough even when I wrote about him in this post. Thank you and sincerely I did not mean to stereotype in anyway. 🙏✌️
    Sometimes it is hard to know what is disability and what is just bad character isn't it? I think though ditching you places and ruining your friendships purposefully is bad character.

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    Solostwhattodo
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    Thank you very much, those were the two things I really had a problem with. In addition he had it really rough growing up, so you are more than likely right. I really appreciate your feedback!

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    ~Seraphim ~
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    Many Aspergers people do have rough upbringings being mistreated unfortunately. But it gives no one the right to harm back.

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