"Girlfriend" is ignoring me after I told her how I felt.

Hey all, not a first time poster on here but I could definitely use some insight.

I put girlfriend in quotations as right at this moment I'm not really sure where the relationship stands. We recently became official and my girl is incredibility hot and cold. She won't return affection and got mad when I changed my profile picture on Facebook from one of us to something else. (I did not do this with ulterior motives) she also got irritated when I pay for dinners or try to do sweet things for her. She says she doesn't "expect it"

She has kids and of course I would never ask her to put me first. But that said a little affection would be nice. She was recently injured and contacted her ex. I did not find out about the injury until the next day.

Finally I confronted her about this in a message on Facebook as her phone was quite damaged and is no longer operational. Here is what I sent her:

"Hey- so I have been thinking about something and its been really bothering me. I dont think it was very fair for you to get upset because I changed my profile picture on Facebook. Its just Facebook. I didnt think it would upset you and I am also a little unsure why it did as well. It was not a stab to remove you- I just changed my photo.

I have been feeling a little back burnered lately and its been making me question a few things about how our relationship is taking off. I was very hurt to hear you were in a car accident yesterday but didnt even bother to tell me until today. It seems like I am only your boyfriend when YOU want me to be. I try to be nice and do sweet things for you and you get angry. I try to distance myself and do my own thing- and you get angry. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place here and I dont know what you expect of me"

The only part she acknowledged was the phone part saying she had no phone so she could not contact me. Nothing else. Since then we have not talked for almost a day now as honestly I refuse to message her since I laid out my feelings on the table. I'm not sure what to think or even what actions to take as I feel like she doesn't care and is ignoring me.

Any insight would be appreciated!

Thinking it through: She was in a car accident, and injured, and without a phone, and has children. Children. No car. Limited communication. Injury. Her normal parenting is affected by the accident and her concern is for her kids, and in that respect contacting their father is important and make sense. She may need to make arrangements for them, is concerned for their well being, is needing him to step in unexpectedly. Her priorities are her healing and her children. There may be a number of valid reasons she didn't contact you until the next day. I can imagine being in her shoes and exhausted/overwhelmed/in pain/dealing with insurance and doctors and family and no phone, and having to prioritize where to put her energy and focus. I'd cut her some slack for waiting to contact you, and apologize for being confrontational about it at a time when she needed your support and understanding.

I can totally understand that point for sure. I'm willing to admit my short coming in that respect. I totally will apologise for that should she contact me. However this behavior was present prior to the accident. She did not have the kids that day. I should have mentioned that in my post

I would give her a few days to adjust since the car accident only happened recently. Then, I would ask to see her in person or talk on the phone to discuss things. I don't think addressing relationship issues in an email or text is the the best idea, since your messages could be misconstrued.

Car accident aside, it does sound like she gets upset easily over minor things, and, not quite sure why she would contact her ex instead of you following the accident. It sounds like regardless of what you do, she gets upset. I couldn't tolerate this in a relationship. Yes, there are going to be hiccups in every relationship, but no one should feel like they're walking on eggshells, if that is the case here.

Yup- I wouldn't take attitude like that.. where they never seem 'happy' around you.

I suggest you consider back out of this. I dont see much positive outcome.. only you continuing to feel hurt and unappreciated.

How long has she been broken up with her ex? How was she able to contact him?

Why would you bring this up with her the day after she has had an accident? If I were her I would blank you too.

To be honest it was she who got angered first at me changing my FB picture. Same day I brought this up. Timing wasn't ideal for sure, but once she got mad I couldn't take it anymore, since it's been this way since we met. I'm not trying to make excuses. @catfeeder. I'm not sure. She won't share anything in that regard. All I know is that their divorce is in the process of being finalized. She is also pretty dodgy in terms of I've never been to her place, she Dodges any question as to where she lives or areas where she's looking into a new place. I've no idea how she contacted her ex.

OK, so she's laying there, hurt and recovering the day after an auto accident, and you choose that time to send her a Facebook message registering your complaints about the relationship and to get territorial regarding her ex? OK, she brought up the profile pic, but just deal with that in that moment. Bad move, my friend, bad move...

That said, it doesn't sound like she's treating you the greatest in general and isn't in a place in her life in which she can. Nothing worse than someone who finds a way to have a problem with everything you do. Maybe it's time to walk...

Also, OP, just a question, but was changing your FB profile pic a passive-aggressive reaction to finding out that she contacted her ex before you about the accident?

I dont agree with the other posters who imply that you've been the one to do everything wrong.

To me it just sounds like she's not really all that into you. Pure incompatibility. No communication, no affection, too much anger from her side... what is keeping you? This is not how a relationship should start out.

@catfeeder. I'm not sure. She won't share anything in that regard. All I know is that their divorce is in the process of being finalized. She is also pretty dodgy in terms of I've never been to her place, she Dodges any question as to where she lives or areas where she's looking into a new place. I've no idea how she contacted her ex.

Why would you date someone who's not even divorced yet? That makes no sense, and you're learning why.

If you've ever been through a divorce, you know, it's a crazy-making time. It's not a time to bring a new relationship into the mix. And it's not a time to insert yourself into someone's life.

This GF is not good for you, and it shouldn't take continual mistreatment to figure that out.

Right, if their divorce is in process, he's not fully an ex. That should be a red flag for you to step back, give her time to divorce, and recover, and heal. Takes time and work.

Drama over Facebook is a red flag for me.

You haven't been single that long either, which might make you more jumpy and sensitive. Give yourself time to be single, see what you learn about yourself and heal from your past relationship.

Not at all the thought did not even cross my mind. Either way I recognize the timing was bad for sure.

She's not over the "ex". This hot/cold stuff will continue as a result. It's not about fb pics that's besides the point, it's about being mad at/not over the ex. Confronting her via fb messaging isn't going to accomplish much. You'll have to see it for what it really is and not just address the recurring symptoms of the much bigger problems. She's still going through a divorce, do they live together?

She has kids. She was recently injured and contacted her ex. I did not find out about the injury until the next day.

I agree however with no phone my only option is fb messenger

I'd go to her house but she won't tell me where she lives since it's her exes place

Any insight would be appreciated!

I'd go to her house but she won't tell me where she lives since it's her exes place

They still live together? Still legally married? Please let her go. It doesn't sound like she's available for a relationship.

No no she just lives in her exes house he's moved on

All I know is that their divorce is in the process of being finalized. She is also pretty dodgy in terms of I've never been to her place, she Dodges any question as to where she lives or areas where she's looking into a new place. I've no idea how she contacted her ex.

No no she just lives in her exes house he's moved on

Their divorce is being finalized = not divorced YET = STILL MARRIED legally.

Her "ex" is not yet an ex.

If married, my guess is that the house is/was JOINT PROPERTY = so it is/was also HER house.

I still say it's too soon for either of you to get involved, but it doesn't sound like you'll consider that.

There's so many reasons for you to cut your losses now. So many good reasons to not gotten involved with her this far, but you did, so chalk it up to mistakes you won't repeat in the future.

She's married. She won't tell you or bring you to her home. She has no means of reliably communicating with her. She doesn't communicate with you even on basic things.

Very sketchy and red flags don't you think?! For all you know, the ex could be living in that house. Even if he's not - you have enough info here to see this isn't an available woman.

Uh huh...SURE her "ex" doesn't live there! Exactly why she won't tell you where the house is or allow you to come over. I'd bet my next paycheck that they live there together.

One of my family members is in a "relationship" with a woman who's allegedly getting a divorce. It's been a year and a half, the "divorce" is dragging out and the woman is STILL living with the husband she's supposed to be divorcing. Very cozy and good situation for her (she gets the benefits of TWO incomes from husband and boyfriend), not so good for the husband or my family member.

So yeah, I bet she's still living with him (never mind what she SAYS, do you have any way to know for sure???) and juggling the two of you. The "ex" probably caught on and got mad. I'm guessing she's supposed to be "working things out" with her husband and he has no idea she's seeing you.

I sure hope you haven't been giving her money or paying any of her bills.

No no she just lives in her exes house he's moved on

He's moved on, but she has not. I'd let this go.

He's moved on, but she has not. I'd let this go.

Thanks for the advice did exactly that. I don't deserve to be rebound