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Thread: Thoughts on wife's parents.

  1. #1
    dirtpath

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    Thoughts on wife's parents.

    We dated for about 3 years. We both work in a call center in different departments. She is a supervisor and I work in special accounts. I'm also an artist; still up and coming, but my name has gotten out there. I have done 15 art opening in 9 different museums, I have my work in 7 art galleries, and self published a special edition book that presold 5,000 copies in 18 days. Last year I made $35,000 as a part time artist.

    The entire time she has known me I have lived in a custom class C RV as I travel on the east coast a lot. I also have a 700 sq' (house) art studio on 3 acres of property. 7 months ago she asked if we could empty out the bed room of my art studio and if she could move in. She had been living in a cheap apartment. We just started on the building of our house this month.

    With her living in my studio are relationship changed for the better. There were a few stupid moments over the next few months and she became pregnant with twins.

    We had dinner with her parents and I asked how they felt about us getting married. They told me it should of happens years ago and I had there blessing.

    We decided to set it up like an engagement party for family and friends. It was truly our wedding. There was 10 family members and friends that were in on it. We had to do a little bit of last minute tricking to get everything done, but it worked. After her dad walked her down the aisle my dad got up and handed him a shotgun and not many people got what that was for...

    We set up 3 gift registry's at different places as we have to furnish a new house. Plenty of different price ranges and types of stuff we need. We did not ask for any furniture or any large items as we have to store everything till the house is built.

    The day after the wedding her parents showed a lot of resentment and her mom made it known how she wanted to plan her wedding. In 45 days of finding out she was pregnant we planed our new house, finishes, interior decor, and our wedding. We both wanted a simple wedding, we know her parents were not in a good place to help financially, we did not want others to get involved and for it to get out of hand, and with building our house we were on a tight budget.

    The next week her parents went out and bought us full bedroom set, full dining room setup, everything for the baby's room, and a full living room set. We know nothing about it until we get a call to set up a delivery. They are mad that we do not like what they picked out. Yes they made some good choices, but the stuff dose not go with the finishes we picked out and the style we want for our house.

    Her parents live about an hour away and they blow off our dinner plans about 5 minutes before we were going to meet last week.

    For the past year her dad and I would email a few times a week and now he hardly ever responds.

    Her parents have gotten to the point that they are stressing her out and she has talked about changing her number because of the crap they text her.

    We have talked about this a few times, but don't know how to handle this. She asked me to post this on the net for help.

    Were in need of help dose anyone have any advise?

  2. #2
    Snny
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    We decided to set it up like an engagement party for family and friends. It was truly our wedding. There was 10 family members and friends that were in on it. We had to do a little bit of last minute tricking to get everything done, but it worked. After her dad walked her down the aisle my dad got up and handed him a shotgun and not many people got what that was for...
    ...
    The day after the wedding her parents showed a lot of resentment and her mom made it known how she wanted to plan her wedding.
    Um wow, where to start? And there isn't enough information here, but from what I understand...

    You threw a surprise wedding and didn't tell everyone at the party. I take it her dad knew about it, but what about her mother? Then your dad had the audacity to announce to EVERYONE that this was a [Register to see the link] by handing off a shotgun during the wedding ceremony? I'm sorry, but who does this? So... Bizarre, awkward, and incredibly tacky. Not to mention it's super humiliating to everyone, especially those who were not aware they were going to a wedding (or knew that the bride was pregnant) beforehand.

    Sorry, I don't blame her parents' reaction for this. I know my parents would feel embarrassed and be pissed if my father-in-law told everyone that I was pregnant and brought a gun to our wedding.

    We know nothing about it until we get a call to set up a delivery. They are mad that we do not like what they picked out.
    How did you guys phrase it to them about not liking it? Nursery furniture is very expensive and they did give it to you guys as a GIFT. This is a catch 22 situation, but anytime someone gives you a gift, you have to be very careful on your response. Their heart seemed to be in the right place to give you such an expensive gift.

    Her parents have gotten to the point that they are stressing her out and she has talked about changing her number because of the crap they text her.
    Stay out of this one. That is between her and her parents.

    She asked me to post this on the net for help.
    She can't create an account on her own and post here?

    Or are you actually her posing as the husband?

  3. #3
    dirtpath

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    Quote Originally Posted by Snny [Register to see the link]
    You threw a surprise wedding and didn't tell everyone at the party. I take it her dad knew about it, but what about her mother? Then your dad had the audacity to announce to EVERYONE that this was a Shotgun Wedding by handing off a shotgun during the wedding ceremony? I'm sorry, but who does this? So... Bizarre, awkward, and incredibly tacky. Not to mention it's super humiliating to everyone, especially those who were not aware they were going to a wedding (or knew that the bride was pregnant) beforehand.
    No her dad did not know about the wedding till everyone else did. We (wife and I) were joking about it the night before and I told her my dad could bring a shotgun. Next thing I know she's on the phone with my dad told him what was going on and asked him to bring a shotgun.

    Quote Originally Posted by Snny [Register to see the link]
    How did you guys phrase it to them about not liking it? Nursery furniture is very expensive and they did give it to you guys as a GIFT. This is a catch 22 situation, but anytime someone gives you a gift, you have to be very careful on your response. Their heart seemed to be in the right place to give you such an expensive gift.
    She got on the phone with her mom asking her where she thought we could store the furniture. Two days latter her parents wanted to meet us at the furniture store. We took a copy of the floor plan, samples of the flooring that was picked out, and different paint samples we were looking at.
    They did not even know how the house was laid out and part of what they picked out was over sized for the space.
    Yes I know how much baby furniture cost when you have twins.
    Yes I also know how much solid wood furniture cost when trying to buy a house full of it at one time.
    We set aside $22,000 for the move in. The master bedroom is the last room on the list and 2 of the bed rooms we plan on leaving empty for now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Snny [Register to see the link]
    She can't create an account on her own and post here?
    Or are you actually her posing as the husband?
    No I'm the husband. She asked me if I could get on the net and ask what others thought. We were talking about what I was typing when I wrote the first post.

  4. #4
    luminousone
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    I would keep the baby nursery furniture since it is more temporary. Return and replace what doesn't work but do not berate what they got. Be very "appreciative" of their "generosity". They may be hurt you exchange items, but hopefully they will get over it in time.

    They will likely be distracted by a couple of extremely cute grandbabies...

    Your wife is pregnant and her hormones are likely wacky. Help support her during this time.

    Congrats on the wedding and the soon to be babies!

  5. #5
    catfeeder
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    Congrats on your wedding and your babies soon-to-be. I'd continue to email DIL as you normally would regardless of whether he responds. I'd continue interacting with both parents as normally as possible, and I'd work with the furniture store to exchange anything that won't work in your new home without further discussion beyond thanking her parents profusely and in writing.

    The rest is on them. Don't respond to anything backhanded--play stupid and cheerful until they get over their stuff. They get to decide whether to disrupt their own relationship with their daugher and their grandbabies by acting out, or not. The two of you should feign convenient amnesia about every instance and continue to include them as you would if they behaved appropriately.

    We each get to decide how to respond to family critics. I've never regretted allowing it to pass without contributing any notice of it. Should they stoop to direct confrontation, I'd recognize the ways that I have hurt their feelings and apologize for it--and then never say another word about it. Just allow them to do the heavy lifting until they recognize that it's one hand clapping, and the two of you won't play.

    Head high, and enjOy your new home and one another. Allow all else to pass, and you'll thank yourselves later.

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  7. #6
    dirtpath

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    We ended up having to pay a restocking fee on a few of the items.

    I spent part of the day rearranging my basement and got my dad to help me take 2 trailer loads of stuff to the dump. I found some cool stuff down there and hope to finish getting everything organized today.

    Today after my wife gets out of work we plan on picking out new bedroom furniture that's solid wood and furniture for the twins. Were going to store it all in the basement till the house to be built.

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