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Thread: Suffocating

  1. #11
    SooSad33
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    This is your father.. Even your partner shouldn't be so 'expectant' of you.
    Show's his 'lack' of respect towards you.. which is awful

    You do not owe him this.. it's HIS attempt of continued control over you. Don't play the game.

    You ARE entitled a Life! No need for him to be so nosy or involved.. and he NEEDS to be shown this.

    He has issues!

    Since you have moved out ( he's married still?).. mom have nothing to say here?..... You're outta there... keep moving on.
    He is acting like a kid.. ignore.

  2. #12
    yatsue
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    Thank you SooSad33, I needed to hear that. My father does have physical issues which affect his mental health (thyroid issues) so I have tried to accommodate in the past to keep the peace, although it backfires many times.

    My mother (yeah, still married -_-) did have something to say about this; to call him and calm his insecurities. As in, to say I didn't mean to say I didn't want to talk to specifically him on the phone (I didn't say that he misconstrued it - I said I couldn't respond all the time and I hate talking on the phone in general because I have poor hearing which is frustrating for me). I said I would come visit so I don't get how these things always get blown out of the water by him that I don't want to see my family.

    I told her that I am an adult now and won't call him (I am getting sick again with a sore throat anyway). He needs to sort through his insecurities himself, etc.

  3. #13
    luminousone
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    Tell your dad you love him. But you have a job and a life, and you are not tied to your phone. Then tell him you will call him (you choose the intervals) every week or whatever you choose. And then stick with it.

  4. #14
    trojan
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    I had a similar situation as you when I left the nest, but it was much milder. There was no abuse or anything, but they did not want to let go.
    It is hard to disconnect. As long as you feed it, their controlling behavior, older relatives will continue to do this sort of thing. It happens a lot. I was working with a 20 year old-ish guy and he said his parents so far had never allowed him to do anything on his own. I was not in a position to tell him, but I wanted to tell him: you just have to disconnect. If you dont they will just continue to run your life. Its just part of their nature.
    Actually not too much happens after you disconnect. They just say to themselves "Oh Well, I guess he has to do his own thing now..."
    and that is sort of the end of it.
    You havent been on your own too long yet, and its a big step and it feels like the world will come apart if you disconnect, but it wont. And even if it does, likely they will still help you out if you need some help after you disconnect.
    They actually know you need to disconnect, its a part of growing up, but they dont want to lose their baby.
    Maybe do it in small steps, so it isnt such a drastic change. Every month, just stop doing one of the things they constantly require. After a year you will be rid of all of it.
    OK, I just re-read it. A week. Of course he is still calling you. Just work at it and it will all fade away. He still needs you, and its overwhelming that you are growing up and leaving the nest. A week isnt too long

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