Condolences during NC?

Hello All,

I am in week 6 of NC with my ex-girlfriend. I just found out her Grandfather had passed away over a week ago. I knew he was gravely sick when we were together and I am thinking of sending her condolences.. does this seem appropriate?

It's ok as long as that's all it is and not a reason to resume contact or chat. Do you want to get back together?

I am in week 6 of NC with my ex-girlfriend. I just found out her Grandfather had passed away over a week ago.I knew he was gravely sick when we were together and I am thinking of sending her condolences.

I do want to get back together.. However, In my mind I don't see this as a device for being opportunistic.. I just genuinely feel it's the right thing to do.. However, I'm torn because I do not want to make her feel manipulated.. Which is not AT ALL my intent. This is one of those caveat exceptions.. which is why I ask.

I feel a short email to her and her sister is the best route.. thoughts?

Sure, i'd say that's fine.

There is nothing wrong with being the bigger person.

Sure you may want to get back together, and yeah NC may seem like a good idea, ("Hey if I don't send my condolences for her dead grandfather she'll miss me")

People tend to get very narcissistic when they're broken up.

In my opinion, whether you want to get back with her or not,

Sending "Hey, I heard about your grandfather, just wanted to say i'm sorry and to send condolences to your family. Chin up.(or whatever spin you want to put on it.)"

Is appropriate.

You may get ignored, you may not here what you want, but be nice and do it anyway.

Thank you for your responses.

Don't send an email. Send a card. Sign the card but don't write anything else.

Don't send an email. Send a card. Sign the card but don't write anything else.

I'm inclined to agree.. I will send out the card Monday morning..

Any other takes on this?

I think it's okay to send condolences. I actually ran into this scenario just a few weeks ago.

My gf broke up with me after 6 months and it was a week after I found out my dad's cancer diagnosis. He died a few weeks ago and she sent me condolences which was a nice gesture. However she came to the wake as well and wanted to catch up. I later found out she really wanted to try and remain friends. I had to politely decline the offer since we weren't friends beforehand and in the months following she never once asked how I was doing or him.

So feel free to send a condolence note but try and respect her space and not try and push any ideas you might have in terms of your relationship. Sounds like you aren't interested in that anyways.

Are you the one that ended it or was she? Not that it would matter but just curious.

Don't send an email. Send a card. Sign the card but don't write anything else.

I think a card that is just signed with no personal note is cold. I think, if it were me, I would be more insulted by that than no comment at all.

If you still have her number maybe send a text message? However you want to do it, make sure to include a personal note (even if it's a card).

I think it's okay to send condolences. I actually ran into this scenario just a few weeks ago.

 

My gf broke up with me after 6 months and it was a week after I found out my dad's cancer diagnosis. He died a few weeks ago and she sent me condolences which was a nice gesture. However she came to the wake as well and wanted to catch up. I later found out she really wanted to try and remain friends. I had to politely decline the offer since we weren't friends beforehand and in the months following she never once asked how I was doing or him.

 

So feel free to send a condolence note but try and respect her space and not try and push any ideas you might have in terms of your relationship. Sounds like you aren't interested in that anyways.

 

Are you the one that ended it or was she? Not that it would matter but just curious.

Its a long story.. She ended it.. there was a month of gray unknown what to do time.. then she said she didn't want to be with me at this time until I worked on and changed some things.. which I am..

I think a card that is just signed with no personal note is cold. I think, if it were me, I would be more insulted by that than no comment at all.

I agree... I'll put a short note in there regarding her G-Pa's Passing.. nothing more..

I agree... I'll put a short note in there regarding her G-Pa's Passing.. nothing more..

I think that's really sweet. Good for you.

Don't send an email. Send a card. Sign the card but don't write anything else.

I agree with this.

Thank you all for the help. I bought a card I am going to send. It's simple. Not Hokey in anyway. I'll write a short note in it. Send it away and then back to myself. I don't expect anything from this.

So I sent the card Yesterday and I think she got it today...

I say this because I hopped on Facebook and she posted a status that said "Two Words: Know Yourself."

I can't help to think that this was directed towards me. Its bothering me.. I'm not going to lie

Would you be upset if your ex sent you a condolences card if you were the dumper?

Ugh. Your timing was awful. She got a card, from her ex, on Valentine's Day. I can't help but think this was intentional.

Ugh. Your timing was awful. She got a card, from her ex, on Valentine's Day. I can't help but think this was intentional.

Yeah.. well this is exactly what I DIDNT want to happen if it that was meant for me.. I was just trying to be kind.

Yes, but it would have been wise to consider timing a bit. Especially given that you stalked her Facebook to see her reaction. Kindness may have been a motive, but so was a reaction

Yes, but it would have been wise to consider timing a bit. Especially given that you stalked her Facebook to see her reaction. Kindness may have been a motive, but so was a reaction

I didn't stalk to see a reaction..I just happened to be on and it popped up. This was an honest mistake if it truly is directed towards me.. Which I'll never know until we speak again.. if we speak again. I really feeling like crawling in a hole right now. To be honest.. I don't even know how to take the phrase "Know yourself" If she said it to me.. its always an interpretation.

So I sent the card Yesterday and I think she got it today...

 

I say this because I hopped on Facebook and she posted a status that said "Two Words: Know Yourself."

 

I can't help to think that this was directed towards me. Its bothering me.. I'm not going to lie

 

Would you be upset if your ex sent you a condolences card if you were the dumper?

If your intent wasn't anything negative, I don't think you should worry about it. You sent it with good intentions. You said you sent one to both her and her sister. I don't see how that could be offensive. It's real easy to forget about Valentine's Day if you have nothing going on. I say you did the right thing.

If your intent wasn't anything negative, I don't think you should worry about it. You sent it with good intentions. You said you sent one to both her and her sister. I don't see how that could be offensive. It's real easy to forget about Valentine's Day if you have nothing going on. I say you did the right thing.

I know! Right!?

My ex and her sister live with each other.. I sent a sympathy card, addressed to both.. I had no clue that it would be delivered on V-day.. How could I?? I literally wrote in the card:

"I was sad to see that your grandfather passed away. Words are inadequate. I wish you are and your family peace and strength during these times.

Yours,

Signed"

How could that be taken as offensive? Regardless of timing.

I never said it was offensive...

But if you live really close, delivery within a day of mailing is common.

I'm just saying she may have felt manipulated. I like what you did and said. But a card like that on a holiday of love would make me wonder how good your intentions are. That's all.

I never said it was offensive...

 

But if you live really close, delivery within a day of mailing is common.

 

I'm just saying she may have felt manipulated. I like what you did and said. But a card like that on a holiday of love would make me wonder how good your intentions are. That's all.

I get where you are coming from.. I really do.. But my intentions had literally nothing to do with this Holiday.

Ok. I know that. I said what I said because I was encouraging you to question your motives.

And regardless of what your intentions were - it happened. And she has the right to feel whatever she feels.

ALSO. You don't know anyway. It may not have been delivered. You're reading too much in to it.

So unfriend her. Stop following her.