Open relationships

My husband asked for an open relationship. My first reaction was what am I doing wrong? I felt sick, I felt stressed out, I cried.. I don't think i want it.

So he tells me he has an eye on a girl at work and he knows he wants her, and that he wants my permission to pursue her.

Again... i cry.

So now what... we are at a place where he needs one thing, i need another. And he already told me he won't compromise.

I need advice. A lot of it.

If neither of you is willing to compromise on this issue (and I fully support you not compromising!) then it seems you are at an impass. There's only one way this can go.

He's not doing this because you aren't enough; he's doing it because HE is not enough.

Find a good divorce lawyer so you can be free to meet someone who will cherish you.

I thought you said you were leaving your boyfriend back in December 16, 2016.

So you decided to marry this guy within 2 months despite of having the SAME problem?

Everyone look at the OP's first thread.

Why did you marry him? Or are you not telling the truth?

He shouldn't be pursuing other girls in your marriage. He fact that he thinks it's ok and even asked for your permission is disgusting. I hope you leave him.

Sometimes there is no compromise. That means it's over.

Sometimes I wonder how people can let their partner disintegrate their self-worth to asking if their husband who's asking for an open-relationship to have sex with their co-worker is wrong and what to do.

You know what to do, find a lawyer, hire a PI if you have to, get proof of the affair, and divorce. You are worth more than this.

It hurts now, if you stay with him, you will continue to hurt. Cover your ass and get out.

I thought you said you were leaving your boyfriend back in December 16, 2016.

 

So you decided to marry this guy within 2 months despite of having the SAME problem?

 

Everyone look at the OP's first thread.

 

Why did you marry him? Or are you not telling the truth?

We were married for 2 years.. i was scared to tell the whole truth the last thread

He doesn't want an open relationship. An open relationship would be one where he took his wifes feelings into account (yes, really) and would understand that this meant you got to date others too.

What it sounds like is he's told's used the phrase open relationship as a way to tell you that he is going to have an affair with this girl (or sued for sexual harrassment - no idea what her feelings about him are) and that your feelings mean absolutely nothing to him.

I would be consulting a lawyer now.

He doesn't want an open relationship. An open relationship would be one where he took his wifes feelings into account (yes, really) and would understand that this meant you got to date others too.

 

What it sounds like is he's told you he wants an open relationship as a way to tell you that he is going to have an affair with this girl (or sued for sexual harrassment - no idea what her feelings about him are) and that your feelings mean absolutely nothing to him.

 

I would be consulting a lawyer now.

I like the idea of him getting sued much much better.

He told you he won't compromise? So he's saying either you let him cheat on you, or, he will leave you?!

You deserve so much more than this, please please don't put up with this behaviour.

I can only speak for myself, but (imo) he's looking for a free pass to cheat. I'm not buying this "open relationship" nonsense, and hopefully you'll come to the same conclusion.

This is all about him, and I'm sorry to say that your feelings are of no matter to him.

If you two haven't considered counseling, then you need to address his manipulative gestures. Tell him to stop "spinning" the open relationship nonsense and call it for what it is. It's unacceptable and I hope you two can get through it.

We were married for 2 years.. i was scared to tell the whole truth the last thread

Why? What difference would it have made to your question about Open Relationships? Something to remember: Not telling the truth (lying), makes one lose all credibility and people start backing off because they never know what part of a story is true and what isn't. What else have you not mentioned which would give us a better understanding of what's really going on? See what I mean?

That said, time to either go to marriage counseling or make an appointment with a lawyer.

We were married for 2 years.. i was scared to tell the whole truth the last thread

Afraid of what? You are under an anonymity here. Sorry, but that excuse is bull S.

So basically you wasted everyone's time - people who wanted to help you - in your last thread.... By lying.

How can I tell you aren't lying to anyone here? I don't think anyone should be giving you advice, making judgement statements about your husband/boyfriend or whoever if you can't be truthful.

What else are you hiding from everyone? There's a lot more to this story that you aren't telling anyone here, and it's insulting to the posters here.

If you want accurate advice to address your problem, then you are responsible of provided accurate information or you aren't getting the help you need. Otherwise you are wasting time here.

It's called infidelity.

Repackaging it with a fluffy name only works if you bite for it.

Cut bait.

As for what you did wrong, I would think hard on how you let him trick you into marriage.

What were the signs you ignored?

It's called infidelity.

Repackaging it with a fluffy name only works if you bite for it.

 

Cut bait.

 

 

As for what you did wrong, I would think hard on how you let him trick you into marriage.

What were the signs you ignored?

Your right, i ignored tons of signs.

He is quick to anger, has ptsd, cheated several times in the beginning.. theres a ton more

How do I ask for a divorce gently?? I just don't want to hurt him

How do I ask for a divorce gently?? I just don't want to hurt him

You dont 'ask' and you dont 'gently'. He just told you he is going to screw another woman regardless of how you feel and you are worried about hurting him? Go see the lawyer. The lawyer will advise you when to TELL him that you are divorcing him.

Is he cheating or does he have your blessings for threesomes, if you are searching for friends for him to pursue this?

Would the coworker he told you about be for a threesome or just an affair he wants you to be aware of?

He desires a threesome with another female time to time. Yes, I'm bisexual, but I'm struggling with just the idea. I was considering maybe asking a friend? I don't want him to have to conform to my ideas of being monogamous, thats not freedom. I would do anything to make him happy

How do I ask for a divorce gently?? I just don't want to hurt him

Begin by making this about you, the rest will follow.

That is gross and selfish, so many diseases are out there. Move on.

To update everyone... I found out he was cheating the whole time. Tonight, I'm kicking him out, and my lawyer has already been called.

We were married for 2 years.. i was scared to tell the whole truth the last thread

Were, or are married?

To update everyone... I found out he was cheating the whole time. Tonight, I'm kicking him out, and my lawyer has already been called.

Aannd there's why he was insisting on "open relationship." He knew he was probably going to get caught and hoped you wouldn't kick him out. Do so, divorce, move on.

Learn from the red flags he exhibited, work on your own life, move forward. It's done. Don't let him hoover you back in again, remember he has never stopped cheating since the beginning and marriage didn't change that. So anything else he says won't either.

Good luck on your new life and doing better.

if you're not into an open relationship, it will be a road of hardship and heart ache. believe me. Someone close to me (not me, really) had that and it was horrendous for everyone involved. unless it comes from both people in a couple (and sometimes it does and works beautifully) it's really really hard to do. I wouldn't touch that with a 10 foot pole. I'd tell him to go for it while you make a call to a lawyer.