How to handle this breakup after so many hardships?

The summer of 2016 was a great time for me. I got to study abroad in Paris with my girlfriend I had been dating for 8 or so months up to that point. I was excited to return home in the US because I had my first apartment lined up, and I couldn't wait to move in. Once I moved in, I told my girlfriend I wanted a break to focus on work and school. We still spoke and hung out nearly every day, and did everything as if we were still dating, even though it hurt her.

A month after the fall semester started, my older brother suddenly died and I was broken. I was so broken because in the months before he died, he tried contacting me, since we hand't spoken or seen each other in years, and I never got back to him, and this guilt ate me alive. I'm thankful I had my "girlfriend" there to help me. She stayed up all night with me when I cried for days on end. I couldn't focus in school, and I stopped getting out of my bed. I dropped out for that semester. I told myself the next semester would be better.

A week after Christmas was dad was diagnosed with cancer. I didn't know how to react at first and so I didn't. A few weeks later, just 1-2 days before the spring semester was set to begin, my dad was rushed to the ER because the tumor in his body had grown and was causing blockage. He needed a stent procedure done. I had no way of getting to the hospital and I had his entire side of the family give me for it. I ended up walking 6 miles to the hospital during an ice storm and when I finally saw him hooked up to all of those machines, still unconscious from the sedatives, I broke down in his room. I always gave my dad a hard time, and on several occasions I have lashed out at him telling him I hate who he is, and I will never love him. My family advised me to skip this semester, but not to mention it to him (all we wants is for me to finish college). After a few blood transfusions, and rest, he was out of the hospital in 5 days. He's doing okay for the time being, but driving makes him uncomfortable, and so I have to take him to his radiation treatment most days of the week, until his surgery to remove the tumor later this month, which is deemed a risk due to his weak health. I got him a card telling him how sorry I am for being a bad son, and that I love him, since I am too much of a coward to say it to him in person.

My routine for a few weeks was to work late, and wake up early to help him get to the oncology treatment. The stress from coping with all of this made me neglect my girlfriend. We had many arguments over some stupid I cant even remember right now. Last Monday she wanted to know if we were going to date again, otherwise that was it. I promised I would have an answer for her that day. Of course I wanted her back, but I told her she just had to wait a bit for her answer. She didn't realize it, but I was waiting for valentines day to plan out something really nice for her, so I could ask in a romantic situation. She just thought I lied about giving her an answer, and was upset, but still stuck around a few more days. Last Thursday we had what seemed like the smallest disagreement ever. Just her telling me she wouldn't be able to sleep over that night because she had some movie night planned with her roommates. No biggie, right? When she left, I just broke down and shut the world out of my life. I ignored my friends, family, and her, for 3.5 days with 0 contact. All calls sent to voicemail, all voicemails deleted, and no texts/messages replied to.

Sunday afternoon my girlfriend showed up to get her things, crying and begging me to say something to her. Just wanting to know what was wrong with me and wanting just a hug. I never said a word to her while she gathered her things from my place. I never looked at her. After she left I was browsing a forum of somebody in a similar situation as me, and it made me realize I ed up. I called her and she came over later that night to sleep over. We spoke for a bit, had sex (had I known things would've turned out like this, I would've never done that), and then spoke some more. She told me her mind was made up, and that we were through. We both stayed up all night, and I tried reasoning with her through my sobbing. She kept saying no, and just before we fell asleep at 6am, she said she would think things over.

Yesterday morning she gave me a hug and left. I handed her a sock or whatever that she had forgotten to take, and she only said "Don't worry about that, I'll be back" (I assume she meant to get her remaining things?) and telling me she would let me know later that night on her decision, even though I knew what it was. Sure enough that evening she called and said it wouldn't work. She tried telling me maybe in the future it would work out again, but not right now. I've dealt with breakups before and this is always said, but never true. It never works out like that. I cried and tried reasoning but got nowhere, and I just shut down and she hung up the phone because she thought it cut out after I got silent. She sent a text saying she was hoping I was okay, and we texted once or twice back and forth. And her last message was saying "I dont know what to say..That would've been too much to ask for from you.." (I told her about my valentines day plan, which she forgot was even coming up) and I never replied. So really being on Day 1 after the break up, should I reply to her? I know of the no-contact rule, but I do love this girl more than anything, and I only want her back

Sorry to hear all this is going on. It sounds like she was there for you but you weren't there for her. Give her space to process and reflect. Don't text, hang out, use her for sex or string her along. Wait until she reaches out to you.

... I know of the no-contact rule, but I do love this girl more than anything, and I only want her back

I just have some simple advice:

1) Make people a priority before they die. Like the gf that's alive, treat her good now.

2) When they are dying or some other bad event is happening, stop shutting out the world. People need you to interact with them, even if it is just to let them know you're sad, if you don't then they may not be there when you need them.

3) Be considerate and don't keep people in limbo just because it's convenient for you. They may not keep waiting for you.

I think many of your problems will be resolved with the above. If you want to get back with your girlfriend you're going to have to ask and then put in time and follow through with what you're saying. Good luck, I hope things get better.

I have asked her but shes told me no more than once now, or are you referring to post "no-contact" ?

Sorry to hear about your situation! It's a lot to process!

I see a repeated pattern of taking your love ones for granted? Have you ever thought of getting some counselling on that? Plus, with all the unfortunate things happening to you, I think it's best if get some counselling. To work through your problems? It sure beats shutting the world out and ignoring everyone whenever depression strikes you. Just a thought!

In terms of your girlfriend, I would give her some space and time to process everything.

I think it's best if get some counselling. To work through your problems?

 

In terms of your girlfriend, I would give her some space and time to process everything.

I've been going to a therapist for a few years now, even though it's not really working because I am too prideful to open up and I always lie about my feelings. I've always had a pride issue, and it's the reason all of this happened. While ignoring everybody I wanted to reply back to them so badly, and when I saw my girlfriends face pop up for the many times she called, all I wanted was to answer, but my pride got in the way. I posted in a blog before calling her back, because somebody said to me "Pride does not keep you warm at night, it doesn't hug you when you cry, and it won't take care of you when you're sick. With that being said, do you want somebody who loves you, or to have your pride broken? Pride is never worth it"

I have asked her but shes told me no more than once now, or are you referring to post "no-contact" ?

I guess if she's saying she doesn't want to then I'm sorry. I hope your relationships in the future work out better.

I've been going to a therapist for a few years now, even though it's not really working because I am too prideful to open up and I always lie about my feelings. I've always had a pride issue, and it's the reason all of this happened. While ignoring everybody I wanted to reply back to them so badly, and when I saw my girlfriends face pop up for the many times she called, all I wanted was to answer, but my pride got in the way. I posted in a blog before calling her back, because somebody said to me "Pride does not keep you warm at night, it doesn't hug you when you cry, and it won't take care of you when you're sick. With that being said, do you want somebody who loves you, or to have your pride broken? Pride is never worth it"

I could relate to you and totally understand the pride and shutting people out! I've been down that road and let's just say it was not a good road to take. I had problems opening up in the past as well. The day I decided to swallow my pride and get the help I needed, is the day I started my journey of recovery. I got to the point of being suicidal because I could no longer take how I was feeling. The people around me no longer wanted to be around me because I was not pleasant to be around.

Point is, it's either you want to help yourself be a better person and be honest with yourself and the therapist or you want to continue down this path? I'm letting you know, it will not turn out good.

Your right, pride is never worth it, it will eat you up at the end. Do you want to live the rest of your life avoiding people and have no one around you? All for what? Your pride?

Your dad is sick right now, you don't want to spend the rest of his time alive not really relating or get along with him. You still have the time to improve on your behavior and at least get to the point where you won't regret how you were when he's still alive. Trust me, be honest with yourself and your therapist and work on your issues. You will grow to become a much better person. A therapist is not there to judge you, they are there to listen and help you twist your thinking to a different direction. Just make sure you find one that you are compatible with. I'm not going to lie when I first decided to get help, things got worst (all my emotions went out of wack) but as time goes, it got better and I'm a better person.