I don't feel like I am good enough at my job or that I can learn how to be.

I have a constant case of Imposter Syndrome at my job. And I was wondering if anyone else feels this way?

I feel completley out of my depth and have struggled to move beyond this for most of my professional life.

Think it comes from a combination of a few things.

I only learn by "doing", and I struggle to remember instructions before I know what they mean in practicallity. I try to work around this by taking lots of notes all the time that I can go back to, but even so, I often have to ask about the same thing many times.

I feel very embarrased about not being better at things already, and can get almost stressed and defensive when people do try to help me. Because I don't like when they see me unsure or confused

I am shy and have a difficult time getting to know people. It often takes me over a year at any situation (school, job whatever) before I start to come out of my shell. When that happens though, people usually like me. I have a handful of close friends.

All in all, I feel like a useless outsider almost every day.

It probably doesnt help that I gave changed jobs twice in one year.

I work in IT btw.

My insecureties span from literally any little thing, like not knowing my way around the office (it's like a freaking labyrinth!) to not being good enough at coding to tool specific problems.

Most of the things that go wrong are internal, so I can't exactly practise on my own time.

Anyways, guess I mostly needed to get some stuff off my chest.

Thanks for reading

Read up on the Peter Principal

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I've found the only way to get good and confident at something is by doing it. Once you get thru it take notes and pictures. I always try to doing something new first. Then you are the answer person not the question. I don't know where you are job wise. If you start off low sometimes you never get the respect you deserve. Sometimes it helps to get a job where you go in knowing what you are doing. That helps with confidence but you have to start off somplace.

You seem to be aware that these problems are inside your mind and ego, which is a good start are awareness. If you have a good support system at work, which it sounds like you do, as you say you get agitated when they try to help, then there's nothing to be ashamed of when you admit your learning style is individual. You need to open up and be honest with your colleagues - they will respect you for it and it comes across that you are willing to learn! If you are cold towards them then they cannot support you. You'll end up feeling even worse and isolated. You obviously are talented otherwise you wouldn't have secured 2 different jobs in the last year! That's pretty hard to do nowadays with all the competition for jobs. We learn through mistakes and trial and error. You take things at your own pace - it's not a competition in your office. You must be open and put your pride away. It's OK to ask for help and be vulnerable. You can do it!

A secure person would simply say "hey I learn better hands on, so can I get my hands dirty and you watch and help please?" and so they get what they need and everyone is happy. A secure person will get lost in the office labyrinth, laugh at themselves and ask for directions, get them and get to where they need to be.

An insecure person is afraid to say what they need, so they go around, but it doesn't work, then they are miserable and feel inadequate and so on and it's a never ending cycle. An insecure person will get lost in the office labyrinth, but be terrified of being judged for it so they won't ask for directions, so they'll be frustrated or late to the meeting or whatever, thus feel eve worse about themselves....so round and round it goes....

Work your insecurities. Get some self help books or better yet, find a really good behavioral modification therapist and change your mindset so you can start feeling good about yourself. Insecurity is really nothing more than how you perceive the world and others around...except it's misplaced.

Well, without knowing many specifics about the 'objective' analysis of your abilities, it is natural to feel 'insecure' when you don't have a good handle on your work!

I don't have that situation in my job, but I can relate via my education. Currently, I'm really struggling in one course I'm taking. In general, I've been in situations of feeling pretty stupid and inadequate for the past few years, as I've tried to learn new fields -- in language and in math, basically. Both are areas that I still struggle with in basic competence. Sometimes it's better than others, and right now I'm incredibly frustrated. I am also someone that (unfortunately!) was raised to place great emphasis on competency and knowledge. If you are the same way, then it's kind of Earth-shattering to be in situations of incompetence and ignorance.

I have some sense of why I am the way I am, and it helps a little -- and as I grow older, I get less defensive, insecure, and so on, and it helps a lot. Still, because it's something deep in my psyche, I don't think I will lose it completely. So it's a continual process of stepping back and appreciating where I am and understanding that I cannot know/ do everything well.

This is why some folks have an easier time of such situations, I think -- their self-worth does not hinge on immediately being able to be perfect at a job (class, whatever). Which is awesome! Good for them! We should work to be more like those people!

If you're not, though, it takes a lot of work -- and if you're like me, it's something you'll always need to work to keep in perspective. So, here are some thoughts to help with that:

1. They hired you. THEY are responsible for putting you in that job. Either they have confidence that you will get the hang of it, or else it is their fault and their mistake for putting you there. (For my current situation, I remind myself of that when my rather unpleasant prof says an unkind thing about my mathematical abilities -- her department accepted me into the grad program! It's my job to still put in effort, but if they misestimated me, that's on them, given that I did not misrepresent myself.)

2. ALL new jobs I've had, even the dumb ones, take some getting used to. If it's complex, it SHOULD take time to learn and feel comfortable in.

3. You may be being too hard on yourself. Some of those people who are more relaxed may not be any better at their jobs. Again, I don't know the specifics of your job, so cannot comment specifically. However, so many times in life, I've been astounded when I grasped the actual work that the experienced, knowledgeable, confident employees, such as my supervisors, were doing -- not exactly trained-monkey stuff, but not necessarily as complex as it seemed, either. In fact, even very intellectual disciplines involve a great deal of rote behavior, once one is an expert.

4. Finally, assuming you do have reasons for wanting the job (pay, good situation, a job you've dreamed of, whatever), do just try to get through each day (and, of course, it will get better). Each day is a day you're getting paid still, a small victory. Do your best to consciously try to be kind and not to be defensive (force yourself to smile and express thanks when someone is correcting you! that kind of thing). Try to keep a conscious schedule of 'catching up'. E.g., since you're in IT, if there's a language or system that's new to you, try to spend a few extra hours a week reading up or online-coursing it. Just keep it going.

Ultimately, you can always move on if things don't improve (and if they never do and you're not happy, you should!). But I don't get the sense that you're in that place yet.

Cheryl86:

I know this is probably the best way to go about it, and I do try to be open as much as I can. I manage a lot of the times, but sometimes I don't.

Today for example I moved department and had to set up a bunch of new things all at once.

Don't think my insecurity showed very much though. And I got along well with my college in the next desk, which is a good sign.

But it definitley lead to complete mental exhaution on my part, and making this thread on the way home.

Thank you for the lovely encouraging reply!

It took me at least a year to feel semi-competent at my last job. And then the workload kept expanding so I never really got on top of it, even after years.

Any job is stressful at the start I think. But I think if you try sticking to a place for a while, you will feel better over time. You will get past your nervousness with people. All the smaller things that are tripping you up right now will eventualy become second nature. A big thing you can do is learn to let people help you, and stop viewing it as a bad thing, instead of getting defensive of it. When you learn to see mistakes as steps to success, your whole life will change.

But really, I think you will feel better if you stick around somewhere for a while.

IT and accounting people often have similar traits. I'm an accountant, and I can tell you that the best way for us to learn is hands on. Even then, we have to repeat that work a few times before we truly understand it, and can master it.

For me, I need to first hear the goal. What is my end product here?

Then I need a quick overview of the steps. Maybe it's downloading data, then dropping it into a workbook with formulas, and then analyzing it to determine xyz.

Then I need to do it myself, step by step. I take screen prints of every step so I can repeat, even if I don't fully understand yet. I paste my screen prints into a Word doc so I can add more notes to it later.

I train people a lot, and I'm always happy when someone can tell me their training style. I once had a man tell me it's hard for him to learn, that he needs the information over and over...and he will get it at some point. Once he does, he assured me he will never forget it or mess it up after that. I'd never heard of a learning style quite like that, but he was right! We went over and over it, and I practiced patience. The day he got it was awesome! We celebrated. And he never forgot it or messed it up again.

Knowing your own style is important and wonderful.

As for the rest, there's no shame in not knowing something, like how to find your way around the office. You will figure it out by getting lost a few times. It's ok. I bet it happened to everyone there.

It's never good to pretend you know or understand when you don't. It causes resentment and mistrust. Be yourself. I bet you're pretty likeable and competent....because you're asking about this and trying to improve

Being new on the job means you get to ask a lot of questions. Learning curves are messy, and they don't feel very good. Have faith in yourself. There's a reason they hired you for this job.