Do you know anyone who has ever had a 3rd chance?

Has anyone ever seen a case like this?

A guy and girl get together in the late years of high school. The stay together through basically all of college. They’re together for 8 years and then things get sour and there is an awful breakup. 10 months goes by and they’re back together again. It’s different this time around; they’re growing together in life into their careers, different circumstances, social circles etc. Then, after another 4 years together they have another breakup. It’s been a total of 13, going on 14 years and suddenly they find themselves apart again. Like the first time; she broke it off with him and he’s hoping they will again be in a relationship one day.

So, the base question here is: has anyone seen anything unique like this where a couple has broken up twice over the long term and given it a shot a THIRD time?

Obviously, I am leaving a lot of detail out. As with most thing – it’s very complicated and there are many other factors. But, let’s start here and hopefully somebody can help.

Why did she break up with him the first time? Why did she break up with him the second time? Why does he still want to be with someone who has broken up with him twice?

Not successfully, no.

Two break-ups is an indication the couple doesn't work together anymore. My close friend is now married to the man with whom she'd broken things off twice while dating. Their marriage is far from a happy one, and she's got a wandering eye. Why they chose to marry, I know not. It's not a marriage I would want.

There are a lot of cases of on/off relationships even people who divorce and remarry each other.

These are usually people who can't get along but have great chemistry and sex and that draws them back, usually forgetting the bad times and breakups.

I wouldn't call them "chances", I would call them on/off relationships.

I am the guy in this situation. We started dating in 2003. We were both very young. I was 18 and she was 17. She was my first and only real love. After a few years into it we started having intimacy issues. Everything else was there. We loved each other's presence. We held hands, kissed, hugged, slept over one anothers house, watched movies, went out together, etc. However, we were having sex maybe once or twice every couple of months. Obviously I became frustrated and after 8 years of our being together, she broke it off. By that time, we'd grown together and been in and out of different social circles of friends and co-workers together but nothing ever got between us other than this sex issue. In 2011, I was frustrated with her over the lack of sex and one night when it didn't happen I asked her to leave. I blocked her on FB for a week. She was trying to be sympathetic of it at first but after that week went by she broke it off with me. In that time apart I quickly had a rebound relationship where the sex was frequent but when that rebound told me they loved me I knew everything was wrong. I still loved my ex at that time and the rebound was just a fast-paced blur to fill a void. After 10 months and me making an effort to become a better, stronger person, my original girlfriend and I got back together. Things were great because we were both so sad when we were apart and we were excited to relate to each other on how difficult it was being apart. Upon our reuniting, sex picked up and everything else sort of fell back into place. We were seeing each other nearly every day again, she'd come to my place and we'd watch a movie and fall asleep, i'd cook breakfast for her on the lazy weekends, etc. but I was afraid to commit. I think because of the damage from the first time around. We did it all again for 4 years. From the outside we were living and acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. But, we removed the title after a year back together. She wanted to start looking at places and she wanted to go on double-dates with her work friends, etc. I'd seen her grow into an independent and amazing woman. We celebrated her 30th birthday last August and now I'm 31. But it all went sour again after her birthday. Sex had again become the dominating issue. It was the reason why we removed the title. I think she felt she wasn't making me happy but didn't think she could change it. It was a pedestrian thing for her and to put it into her words when she broke it off, 'she'd still have her o' but it wasn't as enjoyable as she'd idealized it to be. Her cousin's wedding came around and she asked me to go a bunch of times. We RSVP'd. On the day of the wedding I flaked out because I was in a bad mood. It had been a month since sex so I said something snarky like, 'boyfriends go to relatives weddings and i'm not your boyfriend.' Because, on paper I wasn't. She went to the wedding by herself. When she got back, she asked me for space and time. She said 'I know it sucks but' I think we need to not see each other for a while. I asked her 'like before' She said yes, she needs to see what else is out there other than me. We went a month where we still communicated here and there. I knew I acted like an ass and I knew what I had to do. I bought her an engagement ring. I love her and wanted to show her I intend on moving us forward and that I could commit to her through my actions, the act of proposing. I took her dad out for dinner and he gave me his blessing. Then, on Oct 30 - she caught wind of the fact that I was going to ask her. She called me and told me she found out I was going to propose. I personally still wasn't sure and based on her behaviors at the time was leaning more toward not proposing because of the bad timing of it all. But, it was too late. She found out and had to put an end to everything. She told me she didn't want to try at it anymore. I went to her house and we sat outside in my car and talked about it for a while. She hugged me, and I even showed her the ring. But, she said it's over. She even said that in the month since her cousins wedding she started dating.

Since then, it's been 4-5 months. I haven't talked to her at all. She's still best friends with my sister. My sister tells me she's lost a ton of weight. I've been off social media all together but i've discovered she's removed me as a friend. It's all sort of gone down the drain. The potential of my proposing was the breaking point for her.

I am not planning on rebounding again. I learned my lesson from last time. I am focusing on me, going to the gym, planning trips, spending time with friends, etc. But, I am going to move out soon and I hope that if she's watching me from afar and talking to my sister she sees I am making positive changes. At the same time, I have to expect that she will date and get into another relationship with somebody. But, I am holding onto the shred of hope that we both loved each other for so long and things mostly ended on good terms. So, maybe once she's had another relationship, and if she sees i've changed...maybe she will have a change of heart and give me a chance again. I know it will be the third time but; time changes a lot of things and i've learned a lot as i've gotten older. I am doing my best to be mentally tough and to stay strong through this.

A third time why do you keep doing this to yourself?? Obviously sex is a major issue for you, and you keep making yourself look like a a$$. I don't know maybe she should have gone to therapy or some classes for help in the bedroom. That is insane. You'll only be good for a short amount of time before you snap again. I feel bad for you guys that is a lot of time to spend on one person. But they always say, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

You guys should have met each other half way on this one. Why didn't you if you got a second chance?

Any time you snap like that you need to stop and think is this something I will regret later. If yes, walk out the room, hit the floor, anything but say what you're thinking.

Evad1, they do say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result but they also say, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. I don't buy into anecdotes for that reason. I believe if you love someone you'll do anything you can for them. I said it to her and she said it to me many times in the relationship. That's why it's so hard. We promised each other forever but I guess we never exorcised the demon.

I don't know why I didnt meet her halfway in the second chance. I recognized early on when we got back together that it was a miracle she came back and I vowed to never lose her again but here I am. You're right too. The old frustrations came back and I made an ass of myself saying things and acting in poor taste regularly.

I just wish I could take it all back and start fresh again. Time has changed and so have our lives. I feel the solution was at my finger tips and I didn't see it clearly until this happened. Now I want to show her that I see it now. But, I know my wanting her back so bad is selfish on my part so at the same time I obviously want her to decide to of her own accord.

So, queue up Against All Odds by Phil Collins because that's what I'm faced with; the near impossible. 😔

Evad1, they do say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result but they also say, if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. I don't buy into anecdotes for that reason. I believe if you love someone you'll do anything you can for them. I said it to her and she said it to me many times in the relationship. That's why it's so hard. We promised each other forever but I guess we never exorcised the demon.

 

I don't know why I didnt meet her halfway in the second chance. I recognized early on when we got back together that it was a miracle she came back and I vowed to never lose her again but here I am. You're right too. The old frustrations came back and I made an ass of myself saying things and acting in poor taste regularly.

 

I just wish I could take it all back and start fresh again. Time has changed and so have our lives. I feel the solution was at my finger tips and I didn't see it clearly until this happened. Now I want to show her that I see it now. But, I know my wanting her back so bad is selfish on my part so at the same time I obviously want her to decide to of her own accord.

 

So, queue up Against All Odds by Phil Collins because that's what I'm faced with; the near impossible.

 

Good choice of music lol! Got me through a couple of tough moments too! That makes me want to root for you over here but this real life and not some sap a$$ movie. Update us if you can!

To simply answer your question, yes. Third/fourth chances. My husband and I are this example. We weren't quite as long though. We were together 10 years before getting married.

evad1, I don't have any updates as of yet. It's hard for me because she's best friends with my sister. Having known her better than anyone over the last 13 years; you can imagine she got very close with my family. She's been a huge supporter of my family and was always there for us, including my sister when my sister needed her the most. So, she and my sister are now very good friends and in this moment where we are keeping a distance from one another, it's very hard. Every time I learn something about her I get angry, or envious, or jealous, or whatever. It's my emotions getting the best of me. I found out recently she removed me from Facebook (I haven't been on social media at all; I just happened upon that information), she's purchasing a new vehicle, she's down about 5 sizes, and she appears to be doing really well. All of that is great but it makes things hard on me. This phase of intentionally trying to fade me out is hard to cope with but I have to accept it for what it is. I have a small glimmer of hope that one day we will be together again but that's going to have to be a decision that she makes. 5 months into now and time will be the answer. Deep down I believe that there is a small percentage of her that would give me another change but she's blocking that out right now on purpose in her efforts to move on. I need to hope that after some time, maybe another boyfriend, that she looks back my way and is willing to try with me again. But, it's out of my control right now.

Anony514, would you be willing to share your experience?

Thank you both and everyone who reads this for sharing your thoughts. It's an amazing thing.

OK everyone interested. Here is what happened starting way back when I joined this forum in 2011.

Back in 2011 when I first posted here you will find a broken man desperate for answers. I knew what led up to the break up and I understood her reasoning but I wanted to get back together with her. She broke up with me in August 2012 and by September we agreed on a no contact break. I was a senior in college in dealing with the pain I was going through I decided to do some new things. Bold things I’d never consider doing before. The prime example is, I didn't drink or smoke at that time. The entire time I knew her I was straight-edge for various reasons and one day that October I said, eff this. I am not starting drinking for her or from this break up. I am doing it because I have always been afraid of it and I have always been so black and white about things and I need to change. I started talking to a girl in one of my classes. The next thing you knew we were going on dates and getting intimate. By November I was seeing somebody else and doing new things that were very different and uncharacteristic. But, it kept my emotions over my first love at bay. It filled the void. Or so I thought....

Truth be told I was still in pain from my first love and didn't allow myself to heal. Dating the new girl was a mistake and I only jeopardized her life by allowing her into mine. I really wanted what I had in my previous relationship but knew I didn't have that in what I now know was a rebound. By December my rebound told me she loved me. Still in pain I told her ‘thank you’ because I thought in the back of my head that she couldn't possibly know what love was. She knew there was a major problem. I think she sensed the issue because I was so mentally out of it. If we were getting intimate, there was nothing there for me. I had trouble getting ‘into it’ so to speak. By January 2012 she broke up with me. When she did I was in tears but I fessed up. The tears were for my first love. She knew it. When she broke it off she knew the frame of mind I was in and she knew what I was going through. That was the last I saw her. I had a perfectly good person come into my life and I was too emotionally wrecked to satisfy in those intimate moments; and to feel love again. All that did was waste her time and mine. After she broke it off with me that January I made a vigilant effort to get back with my original girlfriend.

I wished my original girlfriend a ‘happy thanksgiving’ back in 2011 only 2 months after we decided on no contact. I texted her mom and asking her to relay the message. Then, that Christmas - I bought her a gift card and sent her a card saying ‘merry Christmas.’ By the time the rebound relationship ended I'd clearly kept in touch (albeit very distantly) with my first love. I never got responses from her so I bought this thing online called the ex-recovery system. It was all about how to properly reconnect with your ex. It was about making positive changes in your life first to become more confident and then only re-approaching your ex as a new and more mature man. I did exactly that. I was going to the gym a lot, I finished school, I was going to live concerts, etc. In the meantime, my original love was best friends with my sister and talking to her a lot. At one point, after 4 months or so I sent her an e-mail. It was basically saying that I made all these positive changes and that we should 'catch-up.' I told her I had graduated college, that I was learning guitar, etc. Eventually, we did meet up again. I think it was a harmless thing. We may have gone for a walk around the mall. It started with that. Then we went to a movie with my sister and her boyfriend. Then, seeing each other became more frequent. By May 2012 we went to a concert together to see Regina Spektor. I think that was the real moment. We were in the second row here in Boston and she sang this song called 'How' that had some very significant and meaningful lyrics that resonated with both of us. I think at that moment something clicked for us and we realized sort of what we were doing. By June, she was coming back over my house and that was the first time we got intimate again. It was incredible. It was the absolute, best feeling and maybe the strongest yearning we've ever had for each other. It was nothing short of a miracle that we were back together.

We added each other back to our Facebook profiles that we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We were going to the gym together, listening to music and watching fireworks on the 4th of July. We were mini-golfing and having fun again. It was like that whole 10 months apart was in the rearview and both of us were happy to be back together because we felt that nobody understood us better than we understood each other. In nearly every sense it was wonderful. She knew that I'd been with a rebound and learned all about that and she told me what happened with her in the 10 months apart. She too was with somebody else but we moved past that. Things seemed to be going well...

But, as everyone would predict it all started to break apart again. Skipping around to 2013 I became somebody new after the rebound ended and after going through the traumatic events of the original breakup. It was hard for me to let go of the change I experienced. I started taking my original girlfriend to the places I went with my rebound. I started wanting to do things I did with my rebound with my original girlfriend. I wanted to go on a huge road trip and I wanted her to partake in all these adventurous things that she wasn't exactly privy to doing. Then intimacy would become an issue again and I would think about what it would be like to be with a girl who wanted to be intimate at the 'normal' level (a few times a month), where for me and her it was a few times maybe over the course of 4-5 months. Soon we would go back on Facebook and sort of become undeclared. We were again no longer boyfriend and girlfriend but we'd spend time together like we were. She'd come over every day. We'd cook for one another. We snuggle up in bed. We'd hold hands and say I love you. But, we weren't always intimate and resentment started to cast a shadow over us again.

By 2016 we were sort of in relationship limbo. We didn't really acknowledge the elephant in the room all that often. We'd just putter through daily life and stick to routine. The beginning of 2016 was nice. We went to First Night in Boston. We went to her company Christmas party and we went away to Maine for a few days - her treat. Things were intimate there and things were honestly awesome. Then a medical issue came up with my sister and it was rather severe. She was there for me and my family through and through. No doubt she wouldn't be - she's an excellent person and at this point basically family herself. Keep in mind this is now 13 years into our relationship. Somewhere along the line she'd been asking me to go on double-dates with her and I wouldn't. I'd start to use the 'I’m not your boyfriend' excuse against her. Yet, if I wanted to have intimacy she would do it. It truly was unfair for her. No title on the relationship and it was more of a ‘relationship of convenience’ as my sister would later call it. In other words, when it was convenient for me for sex it was a relationship - but if she wanted to go on a double-date I’d say no, I’m not your boyfriend. She started looking at houses and wanted me to partake in that; even move in with her. I didn't actively look with her and she asked me why and my answer was non-committal. We eventually agreed to something and I am certain we agreed to tell people we were dating again so things were obviously confusing. Her 30th birthday was in August. I threw her a huge 80's themed surprise birthday. I invited her family and friends. Shortly after that we went away again, this time to Vermont. We had a very romantic weekend getaway. We hiked a mountain, we had a private hotel, we toured Burlington - it was excellent. Everything seemed to be going well.

Then it all ended again. I told her I would go with her to a family members wedding so we RSVP’d. The day the wedding came up I tried to talk her out of going. I was moody that day. I was a little bitter that it was a month since we were intimate. I told her we will give them money but let’s not go to the wedding. She was dead set on going. She gave me the out and said she'd take a friend. She couldn't find somebody else to go. I still stood my ground and said how bad of a time it would be and how we shouldn't go. She went anyway by herself. When she was there she texted me telling me she was having a bad time. Instead of being supportive I said, 'see told ya so.' Then when she told me I should be there I said 'that's what boyfriends do - and I’m not your boyfriend.' I knew she was pissed at me. Later that night I texted her because she didn't text me when she got home. I said I know you're mad but I love you and good night. She said goodnight I love you back. The next morning, I hadn't heard anything from her so I basically offered to make amends for the night before. I offered to bring her coffee and a breakfast sandwich but she was dismissive. I provoked a conversation with her that ultimately ended in her saying she needed space and time. She said she needed to find out what life is like without me and that we need to just not see each other for a while. I said 'like before?' referencing our breakup and in 2011. She said, unfortunately, yes. The took place September 24. From then until Oct 30th I made every effort to keep her from leaving me forever. I honored her request for distance. I would text her maybe once a week and ask her how she was doing. I said I love you once or twice but then she stopped saying it back. She communicated less and less with me. All at once I was losing her.

I knew how much I loved her and I knew how much I eff'd up AGAIN. I bought her an engagement ring. I took her dad out with her brothers and asked their permission for her hand in marriage. I was considering proposing to her. In an act of 'actions speak louder than words' I thought I could prove to her that I was ready to commit. I hadn't done it yet - I was considering it. But, based on her behavior and distancing I was leaning toward not doing it so soon even though I had the ring. Unfortunately, her dad told her. For some reason, he told her I was going to propose to her and it scared her. She called me frantic on the 30th of October and repeatedly told me 'it's over, I can't do this anymore, I don't want this, we've been doing the same thing and nothing changes, I don't want to do this anymore.' I asked if I could go to her house. When I pulled up she came out and sat with me in my car. We talked in what felt like our most genuine conversation in weeks. She pretty much outright told me it was over. The conversation was bittersweet. I told her I loved her and always will and she said the same to me. We held each other that night in my car under the rain. She told me she submits. She feels she’s tried her hardest on the relationship and nothing changed no matter what we do. She didn't want our relationship to be based on guilt and she didn't want us to resent one another. I asked if she wanted to see the ring. I showed it to her and she told me I picked out the perfect one. She wouldn’t dare put it on though. That was pretty much it. We were both there for one another in a very difficult moment but that was what would be the end again.

In the 5 months since I've been near suicidal. I was clinically diagnosed with PTSD. I write nearly every day. I have written well over 130,000 words. I dream about her almost every night. I did end up seeing her again briefly in November at a baptism for a mutual friend’s son. Also, she is still best friends and frequently hangs out with my sister. I am going to the gym again but I refuse to get into a new relationship and jeopardize somebody’s life. I took on projects around the house; painting and cleaning. I was lost for a long time, and still am mostly. Lack of focus or concern for most things. No color in my life. Work is really all I have. During this I even lost a friend who disconnected from me for reasons I don't understand. I'd known him for almost as long as her. Despite all of that, I am trying to be strong and keep busy setting and achieving goals.

Bottom line is this. I still love her and always will. But, I want her to be happy. She's never known another true relationship besides the one with me. She needs to go out and find variety in life. She needs the opportunity to find happiness on her terms. If she doesn't and she realizes she was happy with me and wants to give it a shot some time down the road; that's the only chance I have. I promised her I will always be hers no matter what. I dedicated all of me into that relationship and into her because she is worth that and a heck of a lot more. So here I am at this juncture again, I want to be with her. And, I can't help but think somewhere deep down, she's snuffing out a part of her that wants to be with me. Resisting that feeling to pursue something new. I understand that. So, I will work on myself and hold onto that hope that one day she might reconsider me. And, if/when she does - I will be a better, stronger person and I will do all I can to take what was once stale and turn it into a new and vibrant future. But it can only start if she initiates it.

Here is my original thread from when I signed up in 2011:

Thank you all for reading. Sorry it's so long but years of change. Please reply. I'd love to read them.

You need to go absolutely no contact. You need to for awhile not go to events where she is at - ask your sister not to bring her by to family parties if friends are invited and cut her out of your life. You also don't have much respect for her if you assume she is trying to "snuff out the part of her that wants to be with you." She clearly knows the two of you don't work and there is no way for you to reach this imagined part of her that secretly believes in the two of you. Getting an engagement ring was a false step. Engagements do not fix broken relationships. She did a good thing by heading you off at the pass. I bet dad and brother told her because they knew her heart and knew she would not want to marry you. I wish you well - but now its time for self reflection, possible counseling and not dating ANYONE for at least a solid year. No coffee dates, either. You need to get her out of your system.

Thank you abitbroken and honestly thank you for reading my entire piece. I am actually avoiding my sister a little too because of this but only until the timing make things easier. That's not to say that I don't see my sister; I do. But, it's every few weeks because it's hard.

Why do you say I don't have much respect for her if I think she's trying to 'snuff out the part that wants to be with you'? You think that there isn't something deep down like that which exists in her? Even after almost 14 years together? I do respect her quite a bit so I don't know if respect was the word to use there - but I think maybe you meant that there is no such part of her and I only theorized it to be true for my own self-comfort?

I agree getting an engagement ring was a bad idea. I was thinking if her reasoning was because I had taken too long to act - that acting would speak louder than the simple words of me trying to tell her how much I love her and want to be with her. The mistake was getting the ring - especially at that time.

Her dad and brothers don't actually speak with her on the regular. Her dad and her have had a mostly bad relationship over the years but as we've all gotten old she's become a little closer with her. He never was present in her life and they've never lived in the same household. Same with her brothers; she loves seeing them and loves them very much. She and I watched them grow up but I don't think (and I could be wrong) that she was on the type of communication terms with them to expose what she would have felt one way or the other. I think it was more of a quick phone call where her dad said something like, 'so do you know what's going on.' and maybe she pried a little and he spilled the beans. I can't be sure of the details - only what I know for what she told me.

Either way, I am certainly not going to jeopardize anyone else's life and agree with you. If I were to move on and date it won't be for a long time - a year at least. Self-reflection is important and you're also correct on counseling. I'd been considering it.

I just hope / wish that even in time - one day maybe it will work between us again. Even though many say it doesn't work - I will at least do all that I can to one day reconnect with her and hopefully maintain a lifelong friendship should she be willing.

JagX22 I'm not sure if I'm the best person to take advice from because like you, I am in the EXACT same position.

My ex recently walked away for the third time- there were some sex issues but really it was more to do with my somewhat moody and confrontational nature, which he found 'too stressful'.

Like you, I still believe that he is the 'one', and I also believe in fighting for the person who you truly love. Everyone says 'move on, plenty more fish in the sea'. But when you give your heart to one person it is virtually impossible to simply move on. Most of the time it does end up being a rebound.

I'm not sure if I can call this 'advice' because I think I perhaps have a biased perspective, but I'm just letting you know that you are not alone in wanting a 'third chance'.

Love is not logical- we often get comfortable in relationships and forget we have a responsibility to address the core issues- you shouldn't beat yourself up too much about this, trust me, I've beaten myself up every day- people on ENA can act like they don't make mistakes but we ALL do. Some more than others, but its human nature and we all handle things differently. Human beings are not perfect and the heart is not a perfect organ.

What's important is that you are learning from your errors, as I believe you are, just like I am. If she is who you want, hang in there but just be prepared to accept she may not come back. I believe that sometimes things do go through a number of strikes before they truly get better. Some things just take time. The course of love is often not straightforward, and let's face it, how can it be? The best and most attractive thing you can do right now is keep working on yourself.

Btw love the Against All Odds reference- that's a song that really speaks to my situation too.

All the best x

Yes, I have seen a 3rd chance, it didn't work out, I don't recommend it.

Love is not logical- we often get comfortable in relationships and forget we have a responsibility to address the core issues- you shouldn't beat yourself up too much about this, trust me, I've beaten myself up every day...Human beings are not perfect and the heart is not a perfect organ...If she is who you want, hang in there but just be prepared to accept she may not come back. I believe that sometimes things do go through a number of strikes before they truly get better. Some things just take time. The course of love is often not straightforward, and let's face it, how can it be?

DrkHrt - Thank you for you response and for reading all of this. It means the world to me and even if we are both biased in the situation; it's one of the most logical responses I've read. Thank you for understanding and again, taking the time. I guess the website is accurate; at least we aren't alone in this.

I can give a 3rd chance, I know what I'm doing, I don't recommend it unless I know a person well enough to trust that they will know what to do.

Why do you say I don't have much respect for her if I think she's trying to 'snuff out the part that wants to be with you'? You think that there isn't something deep down like that which exists in her? Even after almost 14 years together? I do respect her quite a bit so I don't know if respect was the word to use there - but I think maybe you meant that there is no such part of her and I only theorized it to be true for my own self-comfort?

Because of instead of accepting that she does not want to be married to you, that she does not want to date you and that she sees no future with you, you believe that she doesn't know her own self or desires well and there is a part of her that really wants to be with you and she's making an effort to repress it. She sounds like she has given things ample consideration. There are women who are on the fence about someone that might be receptive to a proposal, but for her to head you off and make sure you know she wants no part of it means that she REALLY doesn't want to continue with you and makes sure you know it. Do you understand what I mean now about not having respect for her? That "she really does want me but is hiding it/stuffing it in" shows that you don't. She may care about you in the sense that there are some fond memories but she doesn't romantically love you, nor wants to be your partner in life.

You need to go no contact and disappear. If you hang around and try to press the issue with her you are in for more heartache - either because she will act cordial towards you and you feel that means she's interested or she will be rude to you to make you go away. Its one thing if someone rejects you due to distance, etc, but you guys have been going back and forth for years and it just aint' going to work. Don't be that guy who misses on great women who really could be into you because you are hung up on her. It will be a miserable life

She does not WANT a third chance - that she is clear on.

abitbroken. I think the mistake both of us are making is theorizing on her feelings. I miss her and I love her and I know she has her own intentions and has made her own decisions. I am hopeful that maybe somewhere she is still mulling it over even after the fact. Maybe she will one day change her mind. I am the only real relationship she's ever had up to this point and maybe once she tests the waters things will change. I am not saying I will be around then because I don't know what's in store for the future but I can tell you now that I am too distraught to do anything other than staying put. You're saying i'm not accepting she doesn't want to marry me, or date me or that there is no future with me. That is a little strong. All of that may be true but it was never clearly stated by her. We weren't even officially dating when she 'broke it off.' It's a possibility that she is confused and may one day change her mind. It's just as much a possibility that you're right and that she's done with me. However, neither of us can say or know for sure until the future presents the answer. I am not talking 'matter of fact' on here because I know that it can't be. I'm not saying that THERE IS a part of her that she is blocking out. I am saying that I hope that she hasn't 100% made up her mind and the small percentage that's left; I am hopeful, one day becomes a reminder of the good memories we had. With any luck that could lead to communication down the road, and again I am hoping that even starting a dialog will lead somewhere. Ultimately, I want her to be happy. I obviously want to be with her - but more so, I want her to be happy. If there comes a day that she's willing to talk to me again i'd embrace that. However, if at that time she is happy in life I respect that and I will honor that. I'm not going to force an ulterior motive. Whatever happens in the future will happen naturally as it's intended to be. Does that make sense?

JagX22 You shouldn't beat yourself up too much. Your situation has similarities to mine (broke up more than once, I still deep down hope for another shot although it's unlikely). Everyone has their own take on these things and sometimes people can express their opinions in a way that doesn't always seem sensitive although they may not be intending to offend you. When you open your heart on a public platform like this, there are gonna be things you don't want to hear. Which is one of the reasons I stopped posting because the 'tough love' became difficult to hear and sometimes it can feel judgmental.

I believe that the general thing that people are really trying to do here is help you help yourself. The same as people have tried to do for me.

I hope this all figures itself out for you. I read your message so I just wanted to let you know that you are not the only person who feels this way, and there's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do

P.s. try to let fate deliver what it will. Whether it's her, somebody else, or no one, the more you contact her and push against it, the worse it will make things.

All the best x

That means the world to me DrkHrt; thank you. I wish the same for you in your life. I hope we can find happiness. I will try and let fate deliver what it will as you said. To a better future.