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Thread: Daughters & my boyfriend

  1. #1
    Momtolaee
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    Daughters & my boyfriend

    I am a 46 yr old mom to 4 kids, ages 25-10. I've been single for many years. I have dated several times and went through a terrible heartbreak at least 3 years ago and had another relationship I thought would be serious over a year ago. I've been seeing a man for 4 months now that I am certain at this point is the one. He does not leave me doubting our relationship as the others in the past did. We are great together and he is a good man.
    My oldest daughter's live together in SA (about 6 hours from home). I see them every few months. They just got settled into their own apt and now I can go visit them and stay at their place. My birthday is in Feb and they planned to take off work for the weekend if I would come see them. They have made some plans. My bf and I thought we would make the trip with my 2 youngest at home (ages 18 & 10). He would stay in a hotel, so it would not be awkward for my daughters in their new apt. My 19 yr old in SA has met him, but my oldest (25) has not. They do not want me to bring him. My oldest says it's too soon. (?) I only get to see him on the weekends (we live an hour apart & he works a lot), so I really wanted him there on my birthday, which falls on a weekend. Should I somehow bring it up that I need to go alone (which I don't want to) or tell my oldest daughters that it's my birthday and I want him there, and that they are being too bossy. They always seem to bicker & argue with each other or their youngest sister & I when we are all together. I know having my bf there would curb the bickering.

  2. #2
    Krankor
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    Quote Originally Posted by Momtolaee [Register to see the link]
    I am a 46 yr old mom to 4 kids, ages 25-10. I've been single for many years. I have dated several times and went through a terrible heartbreak at least 3 years ago and had another relationship I thought would be serious over a year ago. I've been seeing a man for 4 months now that I am certain at this point is the one. He does not leave me doubting our relationship as the others in the past did. We are great together and he is a good man.
    My oldest daughter's live together in SA (about 6 hours from home). I see them every few months. They just got settled into their own apt and now I can go visit them and stay at their place. My birthday is in Feb and they planned to take off work for the weekend if I would come see them. They have made some plans. My bf and I thought we would make the trip with my 2 youngest at home (ages 18 & 10). He would stay in a hotel, so it would not be awkward for my daughters in their new apt. My 19 yr old in SA has met him, but my oldest (25) has not. They do not want me to bring him. My oldest says it's too soon. (?) I only get to see him on the weekends (we live an hour apart & he works a lot), so I really wanted him there on my birthday, which falls on a weekend. Should I somehow bring it up that I need to go alone (which I don't want to) or tell my oldest daughters that it's my birthday and I want him there, and that they are being too bossy. They always seem to bicker & argue with each other or their youngest sister & I when we are all together. I know having my bf there would curb the bickering.
    I would tell her "Look, I'm sorry you feel that way but I'm not univiting him now. He's already planned to come."

    However, your daughter may be bothered that she doesn't see you terribly often and that when she does you need your new boyfriend there. I can see her side of it too. Assure her that she and her sister will get some exclusive time with you, too. I'm sure your boyfriend wouldn't mind hanging out with the mini bar and the TV for an evening.

  3. #3
    Wiseman2
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    Agree it's too soon to make it a family affair with some guy you are dating a few months. Let him do something nice for your birthday and not intrude on your young daughters' plans. He should step up and plan something else perhaps another weekend, whatever.

    They want to be with mom, not mom and the new dude. You can see this guy anytime. Your kids probably just want some one-on-one time with you since they don't see you that often.
    Quote Originally Posted by Momtolaee [Register to see the link]
    My 19 yr old in SA has met him, but my oldest (25) has not. They do not want me to bring him. My oldest says it's too soon.

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    j.man
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    Also remember. To you, this is your boyfriend. To them, this is a strange man. I think it's inappropriate to bring him along to celebrate their new home.

    Save it for when they come to see you and you can have him make an arranged cameo at Applebees.

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    Krankor
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    Yes, the more I think about it the more I think I was wrong in my original response. If he's really "the one" you'll get lots of weekends and birthdays with him. It was unfair of you to insert him into these plans and this isn't the right way to introduce him.

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    itsallgrand
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    I agree with going to see your daughters on your own for that weekend. Do something with the bfs seperate. Later on, everyone getting together for a public meal would be a nice way for everyone to meet and spend some time warming up together.

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  11. #7
    agent
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    So they took time off work specifically to see you, and now you're taking your boyfriend so you don't have to spend that much time with them?

    If you don't enjoy seeing them, just tell them and don't waste their time and lose them money.

  12. #8
    Momtolaee
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    I appreciate the polite replies as I have not put him into the situation unfairly. The way things are going at his job he would most likely not have time.
    I DO see my daughter's side and I do appreciate time with them. All of the family has met him except for my oldest daughter. Also it is not only celebrating their new home.
    I do not have a lot of time with him, but he will understand, just as I understand he has to work all the time. Also he probably could not make the trip due to work anyway.
    I just wanted to hear others options in this. Thank you so much.

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