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Thread: Bad Behaviour vs. Clueless, How to Tell the Difference….

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Bad Behaviour vs. Clueless, How to Tell the Difference….

    His mooching "take-what-you-can-while-you-can" attitude keeps rearing its ugly head, and I cannot overlook it. Usually because his cluelessness (bad behavior????) is oftentimes at my expense.

    He had been bugging me to invite my closest friends over. He's curious to meet them. He'd been insisting for at least a month now, even to the point of insinuating I was embarrassed of him, and that's why I was keeping my friends apart from him. . Meeting my friends is a huge thing to me, but after consideration, I decided to do it.

    The day of the gathering, which was to be dessert, coffee, wine, beer, finger foods, the two of us went shopping. When I parked the car, he said he'd wait in the car while I went into the market. Ha! Nope. I told him come in with me, I might need help carrying the cake. I wanted to see if he would step up to the plate and contribute and pay for at least part of the food. He didn't. He stood to the side as I ordered a cake and paid for it. He stood to the side as I was at the cheese counter.. He basically stood to the side like a little kid any time the cashier rung me up. I spent about a hundred bucks over the whole affair. He didn't offer to contribute ANYTHING which was totally immature, inconsiderate and lacking any type of social awareness, considering this was a gathering that *HE* had been persistent about.

    The night of the gathering, watching him eat all that glorious food, watching him wipe his piece of cake clean in 20 second flat, then moving on to my plate and sticking his gross finger in my slice of cake on the plate in front of me without asking me, refilling his glass with the wine that my friends had brought, really turned me off sexually and emotionally. That night in bed, he wanted to cuddle, and I wanted no part of it.

    The next morning, he calls out from the kitchen "Do we have anymore of that whipping cream?"

    In my head, I'm thinking "we"? We? This is my house and unless you milked the goddamned cow and made whipping cream yourself, it is not "we."

    I thought about it for a few days, couldn't shake my annoyance, then broke up with him. After I did, he went into the fridge, took out everything that he brought from his home, which included a beer, a stick of butter, and an opened bag of lettuce. Wow. Just wow. He couldn't even leave a freakin stick of butter after all the coffee and milk and sugar and beers, breads, fruits and wonderful gourmet meals and homemade desserts he demolished while he was here. Really classy.

    I'm not sure how much of his behavior is just plain cluelessness vs. being a cheapskate, but whatever it is, I'm super sad this did not work out, because he seemed to be pretty much everything I wanted. I'm numb right now. Numb and sad over the breakup.

  2. #2
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    Sounds like a modern adaptation of The Little Red Hen, with him being a composite character of the dog, cat and duck. Too bad there doesn't seem to be a lesson learned.

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    This really sounded like an extravagant affair. If you had friends over, I would think you would have gone out for drinks or lunch with them, or something. It almost sounds like you were having an "introduction party". Also, if friends were coming over, why weren't friends asked to bring something? Maybe introducing him to one or two friends at a time would have been less of a to-do.

    Honestly, it seems like he is someone who needs to be asked - "hey, i am going to pick up the cake, would you mind going to x and choosing some drinks and another dessert that you like. We'll meet up back at the car/back at my place" rather than standing in line and pulling out your wallet, just hoping he says "put that wallet away!" There are people who have learned not to fight for the bill.

    Hey, i am a little cheap, and I do not like it when someone chooses a bunch of stuff and expects me to pull out my wallet (i had a houseguest that put expensive pastries, etc, in my cart). BUT if they told me what they needed for the party, and I could go out by myself and choose a brand that I was comfortable with or was for the recipe i imagined, use my coupons and maybe make an alternative selection if it made sense - they told me they wanted fruit, and I chose strawberries, which most crowds like vs pomegranates that are more impressive maybe but are more expensive and people are not sure how to eat them, etc....then I would be all for picking items up and might even add one I see that makes sense to me to add.

    I get where you are coming from, but if this guy is really great otherwise, why not just talk about it?

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    Platinum Member Krankor's Avatar
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    Reading your post, I noticed that your disdain for this man (his "gross" finger) was palpable. So your last paragraph about being sad that things didn't work out and him being what you wanted really threw me.

    Should he have offered to help foot the bill for your gathering? Maybe. But you decided to "test" him instead which I HATE. You could have just said "Honey, this party is going to get pricey. Do you mind kicking in?" Or better yet just say "OK, I'll pay for the cake if you supply the alcohol." But instead you set him up for your judgement. Besides, as far as I read, the guy just wondered why you were hiding him away from your friends. The expensive party was your idea.

    As for him taking all of his stuff, if a girl dumped me, I'm not leaving her my food to eat. Maybe that's petty but that's just how it's going to be.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    I can't remember that one.

    Is that where she asked everyone to help her bake a pie, and no one wanted to help her. Then when it was ready, they all wanted a piece and she said, "Go F- yourselves?"

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    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Congratulations Naomi - I think you did the right thing. Once you start to think of a man as a mooching, clueless little kid, it's time for things to end.

    Hope you are doing OK.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Krankor
    Reading your post, I noticed that your disdain for this man (his "gross" finger) was palpable. So your last paragraph about being sad that things didn't work out and him being what you wanted really threw me.

    Should he have offered to help foot the bill for your gathering? Maybe. But you decided to "test" him instead which I HATE. You could have just said "Honey, this party is going to get pricey. Do you mind kicking in?" Or better yet just say "OK, I'll pay for the cake if you supply the alcohol." But instead you set him up for your judgement. Besides, as far as I read, the guy just wondered why you were hiding him away from your friends. The expensive party was your idea.

    As for him taking all of his stuff, if a girl dumped me, I'm not leaving her my food to eat. Maybe that's petty but that's just how it's going to be.
    This wasn't an expensive party per se.….and it was his idea, not mine. he originally wanted to have a dinner party and I was the one who said no, it's too much work. Dessert only. It's just what it costs where I live. The cake alone was $30.

    And you have NO idea how much he depleted items in my fridge and ransacked my cabinets for two months straight. So taking a stick of butter and a beer, wow. Not classy at all.

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    Originally Posted by Ms Darcy
    Congratulations Naomi - I think you did the right thing. Once you start to think of a man as a mooching, clueless little kid, it's time for things to end.

    Hope you are doing OK.
    Maybe for when you meet the next guy, it might be better just to talk about things instead of test him - that way you can figure out if he just has a different way of going about things that's not really tied to his personality and is open for compromise/didn't know he came off that way.

    I didn't realize i eat fast. I could have been dumped for it, but my guy asked about it in a loving way.

    I am glad you ended it if you don't respect him, because your resentment would just get worse.

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    Originally Posted by Naomi99
    This wasn't an expensive party per se.….and it was his idea, not mine. he originally wanted to have a dinner party and I was the one who said no, it's too much work. Dessert only. It's just what it costs where I live. The cake alone was $30.

    And you have NO idea how much he depleted items in my fridge and ransacked my cabinets for two months straight. So taking a stick of butter and a beer, wow. Not classy at all.

    Why did you not stick to your guns and put your foot down and just have dessert?

    I guess i didn't realize how much he ate...

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Not for this guy, but in the future I would advise not having a house party to "introduce a new guy." I mean, didn't your friends and bf gank some of your pens and expensive teas and granola bars?

    Just meet folks at a restaurant and only worry about your part of the bill.

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