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Thread: How to leave a narcissist finally???

  1. #1
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    How to leave a narcissist finally???

    Rationally I know he is emotionally abusing me, he is diagnosed NPD and I really want to leave. I don't need to discuss this issue. I just literally physically cannot leave. It's been 5 months of trying to leave now.
    I plan a day when to leave, pack my bags and go to my parents house. And just send him text that's over. It's not nice, but people who lived with NPD partner will understand this decision.
    Every single time I try to leave, I just can't. I am beginning to loathe myself even more than him because of this, I am so pathetic.
    The point of this question is - what do I do when I get very strong panic attack when I attempt to leave? I am not able to breath, my heart is pounding, can't stand on my feet, I cry and cry until I am completely exhausted and just fall asleep. Sometimes I feel like going insane during that and pound my head against the wall.
    How can I overcome this stage? Everyone keeps writing about healing after break up with a narcissist, but how can someone like me actually leave?
    (And yes, I take medication for anxiety but it doesn't help at all in this case)

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    You call your father, brother, male cousin whoever , if they have to carry you out of the household then you do that.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member rosephase's Avatar
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    Tell someone in your life you are leaving. Tell your parents. You are going to stay with them.Tell them how he's been treating you. Outside motivation might help when interior motivation is failing. Do you have any friends who could help? Someone who can drive you over there? help you pack? It's okay to ask for help.

    Whatever you do, don't hate yourself. You are struggling with this because it is hard. You aren't weak or pathetic. You are in a really hard place and you are fighting to change it. Be kind to yourself.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    As others have suggested , plan your departure with friends and family, then just go home to your parents
    Originally Posted by Andaco
    I am beginning to loathe myself even more than him because of this, I am so pathetic.
    Is this the same partner?:
    Originally Posted by Andaco
    I fantasize about my partner deliberately cheating on me, not about some loving consent. I dream of him totally degrading me as a woman.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Another idea is pack your bag. When you start having the panic attack, call for an ambulance and have them take you to the hospital. The EMT's and the hospital have the training and resources to help you with your physical symptoms. They also have psychiatrists on staff to talk to you and help you with dealing with this mentally and emotionally. Once you have calmed down, call your fam to pick you up and tell them why you need to stay with them. Make sure you block your ex from all contact and access to you. If you have trouble, if you think you might relapse, keep in mind that in virtually all states you can voluntarily commit yourself to psychiatric care for at least several days or even more in some states. Take advantage of that to help yourself get through this. Basically, be honest with people around you about what is happening to you and why and what you are trying to accomplish. You will end up surprised at the support that you get. It's OK to need and ask for help sometimes. We all need help at times.

  7. #6
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    I read your other posts. You met him in a psych facility. He's much older. He's a narcissist.
    You cannot do this on your own. You need a plan and someone strong willed to help you
    physically leave. Think of the person in your life you know to be the strongest, and not let you
    cave, and call them for help.
    Once you leave, do not look back. Ever.

    I left a diagnosed NPD with my daughter because I reached the breaking point.
    Packed while he was at work, left, and never spent a minute considering going back.
    My daughter is in my custody, outside of his stalking we have pretty much no contact.
    My life was hell then, and he made it worse after. And I lost a lot, but guess what?
    My daughter and I gained a peaceful living space, and she got her confident, strong mom back.
    I was losing myself to him, it's an endless battle you will never win, believe me.
    I assure you you will reach the point where your inner strength will pull you through and you'll
    be able to beat this.
    You have anxiety issues and a diagnosis of depression, so your ability to leave is compounded.
    Get out, get the proper therapy, and know a man with NPD is incapable of loving you. Use it as
    your reason to stay far away and block him everywhere when you do. Good luck to you.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member Chelsea54's Avatar
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    Agreed. My former therapist also advise enlisting the presence of my male support when facing my narc xH with custody and divorce conversations. I was so afraid of his rage and his potential for threatening me or self harm. I was so afraid of it--that it took me months upon months of mental torture to nearly have a panic attack, make some quick plans. Throw clean laundry baskets in the trunk without him knowing and ended up texting/calling/emailing to him that it was over. No more manipulative discussions.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Every single time I try to leave, I just can't.
    Change the word "can't" to "won't" for accuracy.

    Then make a better decision.

  10. #9
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    YOUTUBE! There is a lot of information on how to leave a narcissist. :pchi


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