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Thread: Emotional Damage from history of toxic/abusive relationships -seeking insight!

  1. #11
    Gold Member Fun Boater 1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Matt3939
    Like gebaird said she might just not think she deserved better. When I first met my ex she said how could anyone not like this? She always would ask me what my addiction was there had to be something. (For over 3 years )Well eventually she made up some for me. It's really sad but some people r broken. I understand being fearful and all of that but sometimes they want to be treated how they feel.
    Matt, What do you mean she "made up some for me"? Addiction? You are right. Some people are broken. We can't fix them. We can't save them.

  2. #12
    Gold Member Fun Boater 1's Avatar
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    Your job is not to understand this to the point of wanting to rescue or fix her, but to learn enough to say "oh, well, the breakup was not 100% my fault" and to move forward - to heal - and to seek out less "complicated" women. If they have experienced abuse, it is not something that is in the immediate past and they have gotten to a certain point of healing to be able to be in a relationship.
    I know the breakup wasn't hardly my fault whatsoever. No self esteem issues, or feeling like I did something wrong, or second guessing on my part at all on this one. 100% HER and her own issues, of which I know I can't "fix". However, I sense where you are going with this, Broken...lol For the record - I do not "seek out complicated women". I know some men do. I don't. I hate the very word "complicated" in fact. I've been there, done that. With her though, she never exhibited any of the classic "red flags" or erratic behavior that is usually associated with a "crazy emotionally damaged" girl with a stack of issues. I had avoided intense relationships for several years and had very high walls. With her I very gradually lowered my walls based largely on the treatment, vibe, whatever you want to call it that was coming from HER end. And it occurred over time, not like a "rebound" situation. We have known each other for 3 years prior to dating, so that's how I knew about some of her bad relationship experiences. I never felt compelled to "rescue", "save", or "fix her". We just connected, and EVERYONE who met her, family and friends, all agreed how sweet and pleasant she is....and how into me she was. So just letting you know, I never, subconsciencly or otherwise, saw her as some kind of "project" to be worked on with me in the role of "Captain-Save-A-Ho". lol I do know that alot of guys fall into this category, but not me in this case.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Also Stockholm Syndrome has been used to describe the phenomenon

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    Originally Posted by Fun Boater 1
    Good morning, I am just now active on this site after a few years of being away. Need insight and encouragement with another romantic situation I've involved in.

    My estranged girlfriend who pushed me away 2 months ago....no closure, we've been in sporadic communication since, all positive, no drama or anything "bad" ever happened between us, she always treated me like the love her life, told me how good I was to her...etc..the entire time we dated. She's had several "bad"'s in her past. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, beaten down, talked to down to...all the typical things dbag guys do to treat women that will wreck their self esteem she's had done to her. In me, she had NONE of that kind of stuff. I heard some of her stores, but not all of them.

    Just learned that she has reconnected with her ex boyfriend since she has pushed me away. This is a guy who is an abuser and has put her through all kinds of torment. Prior to them breaking up finally last Spring, he has phyically harmed her, had her arrested, and had done things like vandalized her property and broken into her house. He tormented her enough for her, and some family/friends of hers to go to court and get a 2 year restraining order placed against him. She always said she was so glad she finally broke from him, and remarked how much she was looking forward to changing her life for the better and ..making better choices. (of which I was one of those choices)

    So she pushed me, the GOOD guy, away.... the man who treats her like gold, respects her, and who she knows would never harm her and would probably hardly raise my voice to her, yet alone lay a hand on her. Now she has had fresh contact with loser ex, the bad guy, who she's not supposed to have any contact with whatsoever.

    Please enlighten me on what is in the mind of a woman like this? How can anyone who has been treated repeatedly like dirt by a guy, open the door to that guy again? Especially after the whole restraining order thing, and all the torment he put her through? A week ago she texted ME to give her a ride to the hospital ER to get her hand looked at. I wasn't available to do so, and I thought it strange that she tried to tap me for that task - reason for ER trip was that she punched a guy (99% sure it is ex guy) in the mouth because he would'nt let her out of his car and grabbed her...so she socked him the mouth and knocked out two of his teeth. Again, history of violence with this guy.

    So I'm looking on insight from women who have been in this situation and who have maybe pushed away a good man, then ended up re-entering the "cycle of abuse".
    How can I move forward with this? What can I do to reach out? How should I handle her?
    I never once doubted her feelings for me. In fact, knew she was scared of her feelings for me, and realize that based on her low self esteem, insecurity, and history of abusive past relationships I was probably going to have to face the prospect her running away - not from dissatisfaction with me, but due to her own emotional damage and feelings of anxietey.

    Anyone? Help?
    I'll give you my personal experience.

    I met my ex husband when we were both about 18 (34 now). His brother was dating my best friend so that's how I met him and his family. When I very first met him my friend was "dating" him to make his brother jealous. It didn't last long. It wasn't until about a year later we started to hang out and when I was 20 he took my virginity. He was a "player" then. He had several girlfriends at the same time. That year he took my virginity he found out he had a 2 month old son that Christmas. A week later his then gf (future first ex wife) said she was pregnant. He and I were like friends with benefits off and on but I had feelings for him. I loved him. He was my first love.

    Eventually he broke my heart (he said to make me stay away or some crap). Well I joined the military. He married that girl while he was in prison. We didn't talk for a few years. After one of my deployments we started to talk but off and on. Then I got stationed close to home right around when he and his ex divorced. I stupidly got back with him. He went back and forth between me and her for a year. Cheated on me with a stripper during a week meth binge. First rehab trip. Got back with ex wife. She then cheated on him with her now husband. I took him back. Didn't believe her stories about how he abused her because she was trying to get him back. I naively thought I could change him because when he was sober things were good. That was few and far between in hindsight.

    The first time he hit me was about a week after his other ex wife said he pushed her. I did file a protection order. Then after two months of the police getting nowhere because it was he said/she said, his family said he was doing better, his sister was letting him live with her and I didn't think she would let someone unstable live with her (hindsight again seeing her now husband) so I dropped the order because I was close to his family and didn't want either of us to have to leave if the other showed up. Well then I ended up having sex with him shortly after and wasn't planning a serious relationship. I thought we would have fun. I thought "well he was on meth and drunk when he hit me and he isn't doing it anymore." Then I found out I was pregnant about a month later. I told him he could leave and have no obligation or stay. He stayed.

    Four months later in a meth withdrawal he slapped the crap out of me in the car - while I was pregnant. Black eye, busted lip. Because he wanted meth and I didn't want to but I ended up driving him because I was scared. I stayed and told no one about that time. At work they knew. I had about five people ask me from my OIC to my First Sgt to one of my soldiers. I lied to them all. They knew thought. He texts me at work "I love you Happy Birthday" (Yep day before my birthday he did it). I wanted to say "yeah it's all over my face" but I didn't.

    Stayed and two months later I married him. I knew it wasn't the right time. I thought things would be easier if I did. It was 2 weeks before our daughter was born. (She was born a month early). Then five months later he had another meth withdrawal and strangled me and attacked me. I had a chance, ran, called the police. He got arrested. Two months in jail. I was so set on divorce and the judge set a no contact order for the case. I told my command and they made me go to FAP. I had a temp order but didn't get the final. I made the decision not to divorce him and give him another chance. We were moving closer to home and to his kids and our families. I thought that would help. Nope. I filed for divorce May 2015 because I got tired of the drugs, lies, stealing, etc. Our daughter has medical issues and he hasn't seemed to care. He went to rehab again Sept 15. I gave him another chance once he was in the halfway house because he seemed serious about sobriety, had a job, stayed out of the environment, so on. Then he got arrested for something I didn't think he did but now not so sure. I stupidly bailed him out - he relapsed that night. Brought him back for a month. He took my car. I called the cops. I said we were done. I did help him out a little in October but I haven't since then because he just uses people. Me, his other ex, his parents (he wrote $3000 worth on his dad's checks he stole).

    Why did it take me so long? Because when you love someone you want to see the best in them. And I thought I could change him but I realized finally that only he can change himself and he doesn't want to. He ditched his kids for Christmas this year to go shoot up meth. I kept staying in the cycle because I thought I could change him and I didn't want to feel like I gave up.

    You also have to understand that abusers are VERY good at manipulating people. I mean I've been in the Army 12 years. I have always been independent. I had a large savings he mooched half of. I told myself I'd never let a man hit me. Then I did - well not a man because men don't hit people out of anger.

    Did another man come into the picture ever? No. I got on match a couple times before I got back and got pregnant but it never panned out. But I did date a decent guy once and I pushed him away because I wasn't over my ex and I didn't feel it was fair to him. I didn't go back to my ex then.

    It's hard to explain unless you're in it. Abusers can manipulate. They know a person's weak points. They know how to get to that and get what they want. I'm not a psychologist but I'm not surprised if he's a sociopath or at least has a personality disorder. Do I still love him? I do. I probably always will and I hate it. But I listen to my head now and not my heart because my heart is stupid. ALSO I have our daughter to worry about and I don't have the time to care for her, me and an adult child. He put me through the wringer and I stayed. His first wife was married to him seven years (three he was in prison). So she lived with him four years and then left. I was with him four years and left. We were married not quite a year when I filed.

    Hindsight is 20/20. I'm not sure why your ex has gone back. Only she knows. There isn't anything you can do. She has to make her own decisions to change. You're better off moving on with your life without her.

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  6. #15
    Gold Member Fun Boater 1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by qwaspolk82
    I'll give you my personal experience.


    Hindsight is 20/20. I'm not sure why your ex has gone back. Only she knows. There isn't anything you can do. She has to make her own decisions to change. You're better off moving on with your life without her.
    Thanks for sharing your experience...WOW! is all I can say. You've been through so much. Glad you are healed and moving forward. Your ex sounds similar to my ex's abusive ex. I know all about the manipulation and the sociopathic behavior associated with these types of people. I know she is damaged. I've heard lots of her stories about former relationships. It just makes me feel sad for her. She pushed me away due to other factors and stresses, then we had pleasant and positive contact between us month of December, and it felt like she was moving back in my direction and that it would only be a matter of time before we reconnected. So I think ex-boy appeared around the New Year and they started hanging out, yet she was still texting me...just not the "missing you" type of stuff. And then the episode of her asking ME to be the one to drive her to the ER after she busted her hand up punching him in the face when he put his hands on her.....THAT I found so weird! You would think that I would be the last person she would turn to. Now I'm wondering how things might have gone down had I been available to take her. Would have gotten to see her face to face and the whole sordid story would have come out. We actually talked on the phone that day too....first time in 2 months, pleasant, no awkwardness..that's when we talked about getting together that evening or next day...her idea...then of course, as I half expected, no follow through on her part. Oh well, I'm not mad or pissed off, cause I get it. It's just aggravating because I am a GOOD person who gave her the kind of relationship everyone wants to be in, and ex boy is the proverbial POS whose qualities are much like the man you are talking about in your remarks. Very frustrating and sad! I still love her. And I expect her feelings for me are just as strong, but obviously she's not past "touching the stovetop" again with the ex, and after she pushed me away, she went back to what she knows - chaos, mental, emotional, and physical abuse, being lied to, cheated on, and beaten down. That's what shes used to, and I don't fit in ANY of those categories.

  7. #16
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    [QUOTE=Fun Boater 1;6741722]Thanks for sharing your experience...WOW! is all I can say. You've been through so much. Glad you are healed and moving forward. Your ex sounds similar to my ex's abusive ex. I know all about the manipulation and the sociopathic behavior associated with these types of people. I know she is damaged. I've heard lots of her stories about former relationships. It just makes me feel sad for her. She pushed me away due to other factors and stresses, then we had pleasant and positive contact between us month of December, and it felt like she was moving back in my direction and that it would only be a matter of time before we reconnected. So I think ex-boy appeared around the New Year and they started hanging out, yet she was still texting me...just not the "missing you" type of stuff. And then the episode of her asking ME to be the one to drive her to the ER after she busted her hand up punching him in the face when he put his hands on her.....THAT I found so weird! You would think that I would be the last person she would turn to. Now I'm wondering how things might have gone down had I been available to take her. Would have gotten to see her face to face and the whole sordid story would have come out. We actually talked on the phone that day too....first time in 2 months, pleasant, no awkwardness..that's when we talked about getting together that evening or next day...her idea...then of course, as I half expected, no follow through on her part. Oh well, I'm not mad or pissed off, cause I get it. It's just aggravating because I am a GOOD person who gave her the kind of relationship everyone wants to be in, and ex boy is the proverbial POS whose qualities are much like the man you are talking about in your remarks. Very frustrating and sad! I still love her. And I expect her feelings for me are just as strong, but obviously she's not past "touching the stovetop" again with the ex, and after she pushed me away, she went back to what she knows - chaos, mental, emotional, and physical abuse, being lied to, cheated on, and beaten down. That's what shes used to, and I don't fit in ANY of those categories.

    You are never going to understand it. Just like I will never understand why my ex continually chooses to be a man-child and not care for his four children. It's not our job.

    You can only control YOU. You can only control YOUR life. You can't control hers. You have no obligations to her. Be lucky you never had a kid with her or married her.

    You just have to walk away and stop worrying. It's hard but you have to. I suggest you seek counseling if you haven't already.

  8. #17
    Gold Member Fun Boater 1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by qwaspolk82
    You are never going to understand it. Just like I will never understand why my ex continually chooses to be a man-child and not care for his four children. It's not our job.

    You can only control YOU. You can only control YOUR life. You can't control hers. You have no obligations to her. Be lucky you never had a kid with her or married her.

    You just have to walk away and stop worrying. It's hard but you have to. I suggest you seek counseling if you haven't already.
    I don't need any "counseling". lol I pretty much understand the dynamic going on here. I just feel sad for her. I showed her a normal, healthy, loving, and respectful relationship for 7 months. I treated her like we all want to be treated, and she treated me the same. In fact she would tell me how she was so glad that she made a much better choice with me, and would tell me regularly how happy I made her, and how much she loved me and appreciated me for it. So I think she KNOWS that kinds of issues she has, but as much as she might try to do better and make better choices, her relationship past has totally screwed up her self-esteem and she's trapped in the cycle of abusve. I'm the very antithesis of the monsters she's been with, the polar opposite! Aside from the obvious "touching the stovetop" analogy, I also like the "how many times do you try and pet a dog that bites you every time you try?".

    Then there's the issue of the restraining order she got put on him last April. She went to court with family and friends, including her daughters, to provide evidence to proceed with the restraining order. So if they are hanging out and she's allowing him to be around her, she's breaking the law, AND it's all got to be on the down-low, because her friends and family that know their history, hate his guts! What the heck is she thinking? I guess I "get it", but I don't get it. This kind of drama is totally foreign to me.

  9. #18
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    [QUOTE=Fun Boater 1;6742441]I don't need any "counseling". lol I pretty much understand the dynamic going on here. I just feel sad for her. I showed her a normal, healthy, loving, and respectful relationship for 7 months. I treated her like we all want to be treated, and she treated me the same. In fact she would tell me how she was so glad that she made a much better choice with me, and would tell me regularly how happy I made her, and how much she loved me and appreciated me for it. So I think she KNOWS that kinds of issues she has, but as much as she might try to do better and make better choices, her relationship past has totally screwed up her self-esteem and she's trapped in the cycle of abusve. I'm the very antithesis of the monsters she's been with, the polar opposite! Aside from the obvious "touching the stovetop" analogy, I also like the "how many times do you try and pet a dog that bites you every time you try?".

    Then there's the issue of the restraining order she got put on him last April. She went to court with family and friends, including her daughters, to provide evidence to proceed with the restraining order. So if they are hanging out and she's allowing him to be around her, she's breaking the law, AND it's all got to be on the down-low, because her friends and family that know their history, hate his guts! What the heck is she thinking? I guess I "get it", but I don't get it. This kind of drama is totally foreign to me.

    It was just a suggestion. I'm not sure why you put it in quotes. It doesn't hurt to go talk to an objective person who can give you some other insight into your life. I have never liked talking to a therapist but I did when I got to where I am now at Family Advocacy and she's a great counselor.

    Here's the issue: You...need...to...stop...worrying...about...her. Ok? Just stop. Yeah she probably messed up ditching you for this other a$$hole. Oh well! You can't change it.

    You seem obsessed with this and figuring it out. You won't. It's your life so you can waste your life on this woman or you can just chalk it up and move along. You're not her father. You're not there to fix her. You can't fix her. I know you want to fix her (and don't say you don't want to. Yes you do).

    Oh no she's not breaking the law. HE is violating the order. Unless it says in her order she can't have contact with him either - she can talk to him and see him all she wants. But she is setting him up for failure. You could call the cops if you know when he's around her and he can get arrested. Might wake them both up. Might not. It's a bit vindictive. When my ex cheated on me with this meth head stripper I found out she had a warrant for FTA. I told his mom. She called her in - they arrested her at the hotel they were staying. Hindsight childish but at the time made me feel better.

    I think you need to take your own advice with this one: "how many times do you try and pet a dog that bites you every time you try?".
    or the stovetop. She continually "burns" you and you go back. Why? You're just as bad as her with this abusive guy. She's kind of like mentally torturing you and emotionally and you keep going back. Why?

    These are the things a counselor helps you identify. It doesn't say you're crazy. You just need someone who is outside the situation to clarify it for you.

    You're never gonna figure her out. Never gonna stop her. You'll just waste your time and drive yourself crazy. It's like how I've been trying to figure out why my ex chooses meth over his kids, over me, over his family when it does nothing for him but cause chaos. Well I can't figure it out. And it's not my problem anymore. I have more important things to worry about in my life and with our daughter.

    I'm sure you have more important things in your life. Handle that. Get away from this woman asap. Or you're going to just get dragged down with her.

  10. #19
    Gold Member Fun Boater 1's Avatar
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    Oh believe me, I've talked with several close friends of mine over this whole thing. I am trying to just walk away, because I know that's what's best for me at this point. However, there has been no closure, and I think she likes knowing that I am available to her in the future. It was me who she texted to take her to the ER the day after she busted her hand up on this guy's face wasn't it? Which makes sense. She goes back to what she knows...then she turns to me, which she knows is positive, normal, and good. I really wish I would have been available that morning to take her, cause the whole story would have come out. Anyway, I'm not "obsessed" with "getting her back". Obviously, she has issues herself which she needs to fix, and she spent 7 months being happy with me. She pushed me away largely due to some other issues that existed - not a "dump me for him" situation. The abusive ex came back into the picture with her over the past month, and something tells me it probably because that guy got dumped or pushed away be another g/f who he was probably pulling the same crap with. We had a great relationship, and she made me very happy, and I her....makes it very hard to just "walk away" and give up on, especially when she was giving every evidence that she was breaking away from the monsters in her past. Apparently, she's had a relapse...lol She knows better. She's not stupid. My guess is that I will be hearing from her again at some point sooner or later because due to the toxicity and the history between them, you know it's going to end very badly sooner or later...they've already had one violent episode! But don't worry - I understand what's going on. Not easy to, but I do. I am doing my best to walk away and move on, and also be prepared for what to do, and how to handle things when/if I DO hear from her. Yes, I am very busy, and even though talking about this stuff on here and to friends helps me immensely to deal with things, it is always a real time waster and detrimental to getting things done at the office. I work in sales though, so plenty of time to screw around! LOL What do you do in the Army? I was an officer in the Army Reserve for 6 years - Transportation, ROTC graduate. I was deployed and served in The Gulf War - Desert Shield/Desert Storm. Thanks for your service, qwaspolk82 !

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    [QUOTE=Fun Boater 1;6742493]Oh believe me, I've talked with several close friends of mine over this whole thing. I am trying to just walk away, because I know that's what's best for me at this point. However, there has been no closure, and I think she likes knowing that I am available to her in the future. It was me who she texted to take her to the ER the day after she busted her hand up on this guy's face wasn't it? Which makes sense. She goes back to what she knows...then she turns to me, which she knows is positive, normal, and good. I really wish I would have been available that morning to take her, cause the whole story would have come out. Anyway, I'm not "obsessed" with "getting her back". Obviously, she has issues herself which she needs to fix, and she spent 7 months being happy with me. She pushed me away largely due to some other issues that existed - not a "dump me for him" situation. The abusive ex came back into the picture with her over the past month, and something tells me it probably because that guy got dumped or pushed away be another g/f who he was probably pulling the same crap with. We had a great relationship, and she made me very happy, and I her....makes it very hard to just "walk away" and give up on, especially when she was giving every evidence that she was breaking away from the monsters in her past. Apparently, she's had a relapse...lol She knows better. She's not stupid. My guess is that I will be hearing from her again at some point sooner or later because due to the toxicity and the history between them, you know it's going to end very badly sooner or later...they've already had one violent episode! But don't worry - I understand what's going on. Not easy to, but I do. I am doing my best to walk away and move on, and also be prepared for what to do, and how to handle things when/if I DO hear from her. Yes, I am very busy, and even though talking about this stuff on here and to friends helps me immensely to deal with things, it is always a real time waster and detrimental to getting things done at the office. I work in sales though, so plenty of time to screw around! LOL What do you do in the Army? I was an officer in the Army Reserve for 6 years - Transportation, ROTC graduate. I was deployed and served in The Gulf War - Desert Shield/Desert Storm. Thanks for your service, qwaspolk82 !

    That's fine but you need to talk to someone objective. I talk to my friends too - but with friends you listen but don't hear them. It's upt to you.

    You don't sound like you're trying to walk away...

    So MAKE there be closure. YOU end it. YOU make it closed.

    You're obsessed with her situation. Yes you are. Step away for a day and then re-read your posts. Or read them to your friends and I guarantee you they will tell you "dude let it go."

    You can't change the past. You can only affect what you do from now on and you need to stop saying "what if I was there that morning?" or "what if" this or that. Doesn't matter.

    No you don't have to hear from her again if you go NO CONTACT. Block her on everything possible. Otherwise this cycle will continue. If she wants to get her ass beat that's her problem. Not yours. It's hard to walk away from someone but you have to do it.

    I lost one of my best friends because I told off her abusive husband and she stuck up for him over me. She has known him all of 3 1/2 years. She's known me since she was 16 and she chose him over me. I'm the only one in her family and friends who told him off. He knew what he was doing. He knew I was a threat so he isolated us. Now we aren't friends at all and she is not the person I used to know. Everyone else says how controlling he is to her and her girls have acted way differently with him around. The oldest is super quite. He has a daughter who has three kids. He's 10 years older than my friend. She was a stepgrandma before she was 30. She told me during our fight "trust me I know what I'm doing." Yeah I've said that to my family too. He didn't hit her yet but he busted her phone and said he wanted a divorce that's what triggered our fight.

    This is her second abusive relationship. Her girls' "Father" abused her too. She has four kids with that guy - he went to prison for sexual assault of a minor and he hasn't been around and now those girls call this moron "dad."

    But guess what? I can't make her leave. She used to stick up for the other guy but she never disowned me over him. Even her twin sister agrees with me. No one likes him. Not one person. But it's her life. I just worry about those girls. They're like nieces and they are my daughter's cousins and we barely get to see them anymore. My daughter misses them. I miss them. They called me aunt their whole life. And their mom never asks me about my daughter.

    So I know how you feel but you can't do anything that they aren't ready to do. When she wants to stop the cycle, she will stop it (your ex) until then...you gotta just cold turkey and block her.

    No don't wait until "if you hear from her." NEVER talk to her again. Block her.

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