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Thread: Family Rift because of Trump - PLEASE help.

  1. #1
    leseine7
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    Family Rift because of Trump - PLEASE help.

    I have been a longtime supporter of the LGBT community, have many close friends who are from different backgrounds, religions, races. I am an advocate for pro-choice, women's rights and speaking up for these issues. I've fought, my whole life, for better awareness for climate change and actions to take to help save our planet and everything living upon it. So, before I begin, this thread is NOT about these issues or Trump's presidency, it is just to give background. So please don't hijack the thread into a political discussion.


    My family on my mothers' side are extremely conservative, believe homosexuality is a sin, clump ALL Muslim's into "ISIS" category and are belligerently opposed to anyone they decide is "A Liberal."

    So, I made a post on my Facebook page in support of one movement the other day, which was intended to lend support to my Muslim friends, for whom I am deeply concerned at this time for many reasons. The family members in question ripped me a new one, claiming that I was expressing "fake news" and even going on to say that it's a good thing Trump is taking care of the problem, because Muslims are terrorists, and many other horrible, cruel statements I could hardly believe were being posted in response to my initial post, which was merely drawing awareness to something that was happening to people i know.

    When I took the measure to limit the view capability to my posts going forward so that I do not wind up in a huge battle with my family, I noticed my cousin has blocked me on Facebook. Look, normally Facebook means nothing to me. But this is a huge overreaction to my posts, which he could simply unfollow. He and I grew up together and I've tried to maintain a relationship with him regardless of our differing views. I reached out to him around the election time just to ask what his thinking WAS, since he was openly voting conservatively and making his thoughts known. I wanted a respectful discussion - not a fight or a rift.

    I am shocked by the fallout from my family today and unsure of how to proceed. Do I reach out to my cousins to clarify that I don't want our different political opinions to ruin our history? I have very few means of keeping in touch with my family, and Facebook was something that helped this while I live in Europe (I moved here from the states a year ago).

    Any thoughts on how to handle this are very, very welcome.

  2. #2
    IAmFCA
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    I suggest you assume your cousin used "block" to block your posts not to block your connection.

    Also pick a medium for advocacy and a medium for family.

  3. #3
    Snny
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    So, before I begin, this thread is NOT about these issues or Trump's presidency,
    But your title speaks otherwise despite this disclaimer, which already sets the tone of your post.

    Family Rift because of Trump

    Do you not see how this comes off as blaming? I suggest coming up with a better thread title.

    So, I made a post on my Facebook page in support of one movement the other day, which was intended to lend support to my Muslim friends, for whom I am deeply concerned at this time for many reasons. The family members in question ripped me a new one, claiming that I was expressing "fake news" and even going on to say that it's a good thing Trump is taking care of the problem, because Muslims are terrorists, and many other horrible, cruel statements I could hardly believe were being posted in response to my initial post, which was merely drawing awareness to something that was happening to people i know.
    If you actually read the Executive Order that was issued, it did not mention anything about immigrants being "Islam" or "Muslim." [Register to see the link] This is NOT just a problem for Muslims. If that is the way you worded your post, then yes it does come off very narrow-minded toward a specific group.

    You did make a political post and it is going to entice a conversation and a strong reaction because it is very controversial. By the way, this is not the first president we had in America who made this move either- he is getting a lot of flack for it because he is not "popular" with mainstream media. Obama and Carter both did the same thing and the media did little reporting it because the majority are very pro-liberal. And yes, there as been very irresponsible journalism from BOTH sides that the American people are showing a lot of mistrust.

    When I took the measure to limit the view capability to my posts going forward so that I do not wind up in a huge battle with my family, I noticed my cousin has blocked me on Facebook. Look, normally Facebook means nothing to me. But this is a huge overreaction to my posts, which he could simply unfollow.
    I had a couple of "friends" unfriend me because I am a republican supporter. Oh well, their loss- it's not going to change what is happening now.

    But seriously, what did you expect when making a political post? Not everyone is going to agree with your views and not everyone - including your family - will want to follow you or read pro-liberal posts. It is their right to block or unfollow.


    Go cool off and take a time out from the internet. It is not the best way to start a conversation with people anyway.
    Last edited by Snny; 01-30-2017 at 07:28 AM.

  4. #4
    leseine7
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    I am not going to reply to the post centering on Trump and my comments about him, because again - that's not my point, and I apologise if I was unclear in my rush to make a post earlier. I didn't make a mention of the executive order and was attempting to give a background on why my views and my cousins' were so differing. That is all.

    The reason my cousin blocked me was because we had differing political views re: trumps' presidency. Trying to find a title to fit this is not easy.

    My cousin blocked me on Facebook - our entire connection, even though he and I had extremely minimal conversation in recent months. He posted his own opinions to his Facebook, as did I, and we each had our own stances but were respectful towards one another in them. I'm not sure why he blocked me, since I never commented on his page or posts or attacked his views - I, at one time, had a conversation with him about Trump offline in recent months just to hear what his thoughts were - it was not an argument.

    My question here was only how to proceed with my cousins - to message them to clear the air and attempt to bridge the rift, or let it go? This is a pretty straightforward question and any advice on how to go forward with family (talk it out or ignore) would be awesome. Thanks!

  5. #5
    RainyCoast
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    i think you provided the political background for context to a family rift, not to discuss politics.

    if the fb post mentioned anything political rather than a generic "love and support to my friends of all races etx" than it is expected that it would provoke a political argument. at this particular time, even a non-political post about muslims would have provoked that. it's your page and you get to post what you want of course, but reactions come with the territory.

    i think if your family criminalize groups of people you feel strongly for, it was expected that there would be a rift with them sooner or later.

    i don't know how you proceed. because for example if you are very vocal and share your opinions at gatherings and social media frequently, they are going to counter you. so you might want to separate the beliefs from the relationship itself. if they are highly reactionary for anything that they interpret as a challenge to their political beliefs, then you can't win, or at least you'll be walking on eggshells when you have to hide your friends of other ethnicities, your humanitarian activity and aspects of your life, if they are set on attacking anything they don't like.

    i will tell you something though. i have been active in humanitarian pursuits since age 13 and you absolutely CAN be a humanitarian without being political. you can do advocacy without being political even. no one attacks me for my political beliefs, they don't even know them. all i get is thank you for helping, thank you for understanding. and i don't limit my activity to only helping people who i believe are victims of certain political dynamics. you can support women, children, and people of all religions and ethnicities without even hinting at politics.

    using your humanitarian concern as a side message about the presidency is political. then you get political responses.

    if you still get the same responses when completely disregarding the political aspect, you have an incompatibility with your family that would have caused you to keep safe distance from them anyway.

    if you were blocked by a cousin you hardly ever spoke to, it's not a big deal. i would just post a sorry, my posts weren't intended to target anyone's political beliefs and affiliations.

    also, leseine, don't sweat it. if your mum unfollows you, that's an issue. but i saw tons of posts calling to "unfollow me NOW if you're a trump supporter/hillary supporter/green martian etc" on social media. people who feel powerless stretch their identity to a larger group to feel like they matter. that's why you get soccer fans beating one another up. the unfollowing is a trend. let people weed themselves out.

  6. #6
    leseine7
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    @RainyCoast, thank you for this. It is extremely grounding and true. I do not bring up my beliefs at gatherings and have actually only posted about two or three times about my views - on my own Facebook page - fully realising people opposed but wanting to stand up for what I believe (and not condemning those who believe differently). This goes along with volunteering, joining humanitarian efforts in my area and above all trying to be fair to all sides of the coin (which, to this degree, has of course become impossible). You are absolutely right that this would have been a problem eventually. Letting it go may be the best way to go and limiting view of my Facebook profile as well.
    Last edited by leseine7; 01-30-2017 at 07:51 AM.

  7. #7
    leseine7
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    Note: I tried to change the title to simply "Political issues causing family rift" but it wouldn't allow me to change once created.

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    pippy longstocking
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    My question here was only how to proceed with my cousins - to message them to clear the air and attempt to bridge the rift, or let it go? This is a pretty straightforward question and any advice on how to go forward with family (talk it out or ignore) would be awesome. Thanks!
    What do you want to do ?

    I suspect right now reaching out to him will result in an explosion of opinions ..he will want to express his feelings to you , you will want to defend your words , one is going to have to back down ....

    my suggestion is to leave it be for now .

    The subject of that man is causing chaos and arguments all over the internet ..even the groups I am in , it is endless , and quite frankly , as a brit , I am sick of the sight and sound of him .

  9. #9
    RainyCoast
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    guys i know everyone is really emotionally charged about the presidency... but she posted this to get help for a family situation.

    it wouldn't be fair if the thread got closed down as political before she can assemble advice about the disconnect with relatives.

  10. #10
    ~Seraphim ~
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    Follow the beliefs in your heart. If they don't align with family that is ok. You are not required to discuss anything you don't want to.

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