Figured out what I was missing ...

After giving my breakup way to much thought the last week I think I figured out what I thought I was missing....the answer is nothing...

I was aware of the stages of grief but didnt think of applying it to my relationship. I'm now so grateful for no contact because assuming there are stages in a breakup I was able to bypass some and I now see myself going back and forth between depression and acceptance.

I'd like to hear peoples thoughts on the stages of grief in relationships. Is this real or am I clinging to something because I feel lost and want answers to why I feel this way?

Depression

Depression, like anger, also surfaces in many different forms, for example feeling tired all the time, not wanting to do anything but lay in bed, feeling disconnected from people even when you’re with them, being on the verge of tears most of the time, trouble sleeping or sleeping too much, loss of appetite or overeating, increase in drug or alcohol use and (the big one) hopelessness. Hopelessness is the most pervasive and debilitating, It is the thing that leads us to believe that nothing will ever be or feel different than it is right now. Hopelessness makes it feel like you will never move on and that nothing will ever work out for you in the future.

5. Acceptance

Finally, this is the phase in which we are able to make peace with the loss. It doesn’t always come on suddenly; it often happens gradually, little bit by little bit, interspersed with some of the other phases. Acceptance doesn’t always involve harmony and flowers – there is almost certain to be lingering sadness. Acceptance entails making peace with the loss, letting go of the relationship and slowly moving forward with your life. Sometimes it feels like this phase will never come, which usually means you’re still struggling in an earlier phase.

Totally agree! These stages aren't just for death -- they're for breakups, too. If you've managed to skip denial, anger and bargaining then you're in better shape than most!

I'm glad you are realizing that you haven't lost your chance for happiness just because he's gone.

Hi. I don't know your backstory, but yes, the stages of grief after a breakup are very real. It's not always linear; you will bounce back and forth between the stages for a while, and that's normal and okay. If the breakup was very recent, you may find that some of the stages you think you've bypassed will pop up at some point. Again, totally normal and okay.

I read on many forums and heard many personal stories where people who come out of the relationship and skip the whole grieving process and have become emotionally numb are much more likely to feel the pain and grief somewhere down the line. A general story would go something like this; You beg or plead or cry or basically feel much worse than your ex and you've heard or seen they are having a good time (basically doing better than you). By the time you've completely healed they are starting to face repressed emotions and now they're in the storm. So you're basically doing the right thing. Would you rather deal with it now and be free later, or delay the painful emotional onset for a later time?

You're winning. Keep moving soldier! 😀

I just posted something recently too about the stages of grief. The responses here are exactly how my days go. I've definitely been through denial, bargaining and anger. Right now I'm DEFINITELY in the depression stage, with little glimmers of acceptance. I do still have moments of anger, and I'm just starting to extinguish the denial/bargaining stage (I am almost a full week into full NC - I have stopped posting on social media as well as checking to see what he's doing, which was causing me to hang on to hope and analyze every move he made).

It's amazing how much I've just improved this week since completely cutting out social media.

I read on many forums and heard many personal stories where people who come out of the relationship and skip the whole grieving process and have become emotionally numb are much more likely to feel the pain and grief somewhere down the line. A general story would go something like this; You beg or plead or cry or basically feel much worse than your ex and you've heard or seen they are having a good time (basically doing better than you). By the time you've completely healed they are starting to face repressed emotions and now they're in the storm. So you're basically doing the right thing. Would you rather deal with it now and be free later, or delay the painful emotional onset for a later time?

 

You're winning. Keep moving soldier! 😀

This is totally fantastic writing . I agree with all of this . 100% true.

This is totally fantastic writing . I agree with all of this . 100% true.

Me too. I love this.