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Thread: I Feel Disgusting

  1. #1
    yatsue
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    I Feel Disgusting

    Hi there, so I've been having a lot going on lately. I'm in the process of transitioning to a great new job, moving out from my parents into the city (next weekend), trying to resolve difficult family matters (previous thread), and getting over being sick. I guess all this change has been taking a toll on my body, even though mentally I feel alright. This is the second time being sick with something else in the month of January and I can't believe it! The first was a cold/flu and now my throat is so sore I feel like I have mono again (unlikely). Just my body is not keeping up with the pace.

    So this was my last week at my old job and was trying my best to make things easier on the company, as I've worked with such wonderful people. One night, my throat was so sore it hurt to move my head or talk much. I came home early, took medications to ease the pain, and went to bed. My parents were concerned that all the stress was getting to me, but I had stuff to take care of so it couldn't be helped.

    Amidst my sleep, I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night with a strong urge to vomit. I did and went straight downstairs to the next floor in the bathroom. It kept going every time I moved my body. I needed to stop moving so I could stop this uncontrollable urge. I also couldn't see anything, as I left my prescription glasses upstairs. I tried my best to contain everything in my current state. Then my father comes up from the bottom floor and at first feels bad for me. After, he inspects the bathroom and says how it was on the walls and the toilet, as I'm throwing up. He said I needed to clean it all since he didn't want to get sick. Ok. I was going to when I stopped throwing up.

    I needed my glasses in order to clean up everything because it was so hard to see. I went upstairs, grabbed my glasses, then came back to the bathroom puking again because of that small distance. My father kept berating me to clean up the mess, get my glasses, it's on the walls, that needs to be cleaned, etc. He kept going on and on, I said "stop" but wasn't sure how my voice was getting across. I kept trying to talk but he continuously was talking over me. He went away for a bit and I just needed to lay down. I did and felt so nauseous. I had tried calling for my father before to get some wipes to clean the mess but my throat was so sore I was just waiting for him to come back (I knew he would due to his routine habits). He did and was berating me again about why I haven't cleaned the mess yet, you need to get your glasses, and why are you on the floor so helpless, etc. I tried to voice that I needed wipes and was too sick to go that far a distance without puking, making even more of a mess, but he kept going on about how he didn't want to clean it and all that. I couldn't get my words out and my throat was burning.

    Eventually my mother comes right in with some wet wipes and helps me clean. I grabbed some and she wanted me to stop since I was sick. I cleaned anyway. My father was still berating me as we were cleaning. Then once we're done she leads me to the guest bedroom, as mine is too far without getting sick again. My father comes up to that floor after my mother leaves the guest room and says to her "How is she going to move out on her own when she can't even take care of herself?!" I felt so disgusting for being sick, being helpless after being so worn down physically, and just downright humiliated. I've even helped my father clean up after he was sick like this, as well as SO and friends. I've never acted how he did. I'm just so down about how things have been going with my father lately and would love some advice on picking myself back up.

  2. #2
    gebaird
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    Quote Originally Posted by yatsue [Register to see the link]
    moving out from my parents into the city (next weekend)
    This is the solution, and it's already in motion (yay!)

    I don't know why your father is treated you this way, but I hope he never gets a job as a nurse or hospice care worker. He doesn't exactly seem like the nurturing type.

    Don't let his negative comments get you down; they're a reflection on him, not you. He's just adding to your stress and making things worse, whether or not he realizes it.

    Perhaps, deep down, he is sad to see you moving out and is concerned about you. His discomfort and worry may be causing him to act out negatively.

  3. #3
    Wiseman2
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    Excellent. Once you get to your new place and settle in, work on distancing yourself from your parents and getting therapy for boundaries with them. Moving out is good, but unless the emotional over-involvement and over-control is addressed, it can continue wherever you are.
    Quote Originally Posted by yatsue [Register to see the link]
    I'm in the process of transitioning to a great new job, moving out from my parents into the city (next weekend), trying to resolve difficult family matters

  4. #4
    faraday
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    Keep in mind that usually when people are expressing anger, it usually comes from a place of fear. It sounds like your dad is worried about you moving- that you won't be able to take care of yourself. I think that's a pretty common fear- every parent worries for their child.

    How much longer until you move out? If it's soon, it will have to be a wait and see thing with your dad- he'll calm down once you've been out on your own and sees that you can take care of yourself.

    If it's not for a while...you're going to have to up your game while living there. Take care of yourself- make sure you clean your room, do your own laundry, clean up the kitchen...and remember to do maintenance things on your own, like remembering to get oil changes for your car, or always getting next months bus pass a few days before the end of the month.

    And don't let your mom clean up your puke. Next time grab a garbage pail from the bathroom or a bucket to puke in....then grab your glasses, and wipes or whatever to clean with. I also would have closed the door so people couldn't see in- dad can't comment on the mess if he can't see it, right? It's more adult like to handle your own puke- I've never cleaned up an SO's or a friends (well, after getting past the party stage in life anyway). It's not something you generally do for someone else...unless they're really sick like going through chemo.

    It gets better. Just give things time. I hope you feel better soon- sore throats and puking don't go well together :P

  5. #5
    yatsue
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    I would like to believe that my father is just suffering from empty nest syndrome, but my relationship with him for years has not been the most pleasant one to put it lightly. I just love my brother and mother too much to distance myself from them, which will result after distancing myself from my father. I wish there was a way that I could keep him at arms length, although I have heard that parent-child relationships do improve significantly when the child leaves the household.

    I did want to make it clear I did not want my parents help me clean up in any way with the result of my illness. It is my responsibility, but I needed to clean up after the uncontrollable urge to throw up every time I moved went away. However, my father could not wait for that to pass so I asked for him to hand me wet wipes, while I was still near the room I needed to clean, a few rooms away because I was still in that state. I would have projected all over the carpet floor for sure with that distance and I didn't want to make even more of a mess. I rather them both to just leave me alone to eventually clean it up as fast as my body would allow. That didn't happen since he heard me become sick and rushed right to the room I was in. I didn't want either of them to help me clean it and kept telling my mother not to clean it, that I would and I did. She did help, but I didn't want that. She was clearly frustrated with my father's reaction towards me that she felt sorry for me and helped. I was definitely going to clean up after myself, although being hounded was making me more sick and was so unhelpful.

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