Is he a liar? Or am i wrong?

Please read this, i need advice so badly!!

Here is where the story starts:

I suffer from ocd and rocd. Part of that mental illness is that, if i have a boyfriend and i love him , that i need to be the best girlfriend he has ever had. Or i will go crazy. I want that he thinks i am special, the most attractive, and the best to please him in bed. Fortunately, i found a boyfriend (we are both 21) that only had one exgirlfriend (she was super chubby/not good looking and a really bad human being according to him) and some ONS and two f*buddys that he had sex with for a few months. So he hasnt had too much experience and it was easy to be the best in bed. The sex my boyfriend and i have is more than incredable. He showed me all of his girls on facebook and i agreed that none of them was better looking than me. He told me i am the best looking girk he ever saw and its a dream come true that i am dating him. He tells me often that at first i looked like a model and he thought he had no chance with me. He said he always had very bad sex with his exgirlfriend, and she never even wanted sex. And his ONS were not the most pretty girls either. But his last f*buddy (he had her 3-4 months before i met him) was average looking. Her face wasnt that nice but she had a really skinny body (but almost no boobs and no ass, just skinny). Lets call her Anna. My boyfriend told me that before he knew me he thought that Anna was the best sex he had so far compared to the other ones but now that he knows me, she doesnt seem that good after all. He said that i am wayyy better than anna in bed and also i am on the skinny side but have curves and he thinks i am so hot. I asked him if he thought Anna was really hot and he said ''eww no ofcouese looking back she was just an average girl, nothing compared to you''.

Ok so here is the issue:

Now we have been together for over a year now. I went through his phone (i know it was wrong and i was really sorry and never did it again) , but unfortunately i found out that when he used to see (have sex with) Anna that he wrote his bestfriend that he is attracted to her and that she is sexy, and his other good friend that she has a ''banging body''. This really bothers me. He NEVER said anything like that to his friends about me. I went through all chats and his whole phone and nothing!! He never even mentioned me to his friends much. I asked my boyfriend why he wrote something like that about anna but never about me when he actually thinks i am way more attractive? He tried all kinds of excuses like he is a changed person and doesnt feel the need to brag to his friends anymore or another excuse is that he never texted his friends about me but he did tell them about me in person. I have a hard time believing that. I dont know what to think. Why would he tell me the whole past year how i am the hottest and best in bed and even wants to marry me and that Anna is shi*t compared to me but then why tell his friends good compliments about anna and not me? I am so hurt. Whats so banging about anna? My boyfriend loves bigger boobs and a butt and not bone skinny girls. He doesnt have an explanation and is annoyed of talking to me about this. I feel like he is a liar. I dont want to marry a man who tells his friends good things about every woman but not about me?

Please for help!!!

Are you getting treatment for your ROCD? I think you are reading WAY too much into this, creating unnecessary drama. This is about your insecurities, not his indiscretions.

If he speaks and acts in a manner that leads you believe you are the best he's ever had, do him the favor of believing him. And stop going through his phone.

Ironically being this clingy, demanding, possessive, jealous and vain doesn't make you "the best girlfriend he has ever had".

I am starting therapy because i am aware that i put a lot of drama into the relationship. I even think i should break up with him even tho i love him because my rocd hurts us both. I havent been jealous or wanted to go through his phone again (he also goes through my phone, its not just me).

But i need to know why right after the first time he had sex with anna he immediately told his friends about it. ''I just slept with this chick who has a banging body'' he wrote. But after he had sex with me, he told no one. Why?

''I just slept with this chick who has a banging body'' he wrote. But after he had sex with me, he told no one. Why?

"I feel like he is a liar."

Yeah I'd have to say if we're comparing him telling a white lie to spare the feelings of his girlfriend and said girlfriend helping herself to the entirety of his private correspondences on his phone, the latter most definitely stands out.

In his shoes, I'd be out the door. Honestly, I'd start considering that a very potential and upcoming reality.

Don't put people in a position to lie if you don't want to be lied to. Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. And certainly don't invade someone you claim to love's privacy in search of such answers.

I hope therapy works out for you.

From this and your past thread you really need to spend some time being single and seek professional help.

You're so focused on this one part of your relationship when it sounds like there's much more serious issues.

I know i have a problem. But we do have a good relationship. I am not too jealous or i wouldnt agree to do threesomes with him and he is allowed to check out other girls with me. I dont think i am controlling like some girls can be. I cannot change my mental illness right now. I know that i need therapy and help. All i am asking on this website is why he told his friends about anna and not about me. Anna even wanted a relationship with him and he declined. I know he loves me a lot and thinks i am the hottest woman. I just dont understand why he never bragged about me to his friends when he did with other girls. This question just wont go out of my head and i cannot have a normal day anymore.

would you like a man to speak of you as a hole and report your sexual activity to them?

if you do, you need to downgrade to someone less respectful because he grew out of that phase.

I guess my brain just freaks out when something doesnt make sense. And the compliment to anna but not me thing makes no sense when i am that much hotter as he says ....

Telling his guy friends she was good for a lay is not a compliment. Your self esteem sounds like it's at rock bottom. You need therapy asap. Did you self-diagnose rocd? Because you seem to use it to excuse horrible behaviors.

I guess my brain just freaks out when something doesnt make sense. And the compliment to anna but not me thing makes no sense when i am that much hotter as he says ....

Ego Ego Ego.

Men like to brag about their conquests.

However, did it occur to you that maybe he doesn't want to brag about you, since he doesn't need to. He is very happy with you and doesn't need to compensate on your behalf

to brag to his friends about you. Maybe he is growing up and realizing he doesn't need to brag.

OCD aside, never look onto someone else's private phone. Super no-no.

I guess my brain just freaks out when something doesnt make sense. And the compliment to anna but not me thing makes no sense when i am that much hotter as he says ....

It wasn't a compliment to Anna. It was a boast to his male friends. I'd feel really insulted if my partner discussed me with his friends, as if I was just a sex object - and you should be grateful that he respects you more than that. Hopefully he's grown up a bit since he made that comment.

Apart from that, you do need support in handling your feelings, preferably from outside the relationship. If you continue like this, you're going to kill it stone dead.

Yes but the Anna and me were only 4 months apart, would he be really changing as a person that fast?

We both checked each others phones in the past. He can be super jealous too. It all started when he told me i am the first woman he loves in his life and months later i found messges saying 'i love you' to his ex. He said he NOW knows it wasnt love with her. He just said that back to her to keep her because noone else seemed to want him. I thought to myself, what else did he lie about? I dont understand guys anymore. So they upgrade average woman they sleep with and downgrade their 'dreamwoman'?

He treated me bad in the beginning of our realtionship. Never told me i was beautiful and when i asked him about it he said he thought because i am so beautiful i would already know myself so he didnt wanna tell me ...he feared of loosing me cause he thougjt i was too good for him so he bashed me. He says he is really sorry he treated me like that in the beginning but yeah ever since i met him i agree that my confidence is rock bottom.

Thank you @nutbrownhare. That could be true that he wanted to seem cool to his friends. I just wish he talked good about me in the beginning and also bragged about me. Could be, that he respected me more. But as a girl, if i found my dreamguy, i will immediately tell my friends. So i just dont understand his actions.

I guess my brain just freaks out when something doesnt make sense. And the compliment to anna but not me thing makes no sense when i am that much hotter as he says ....

Because he respects you and it wasn't a compliment to her or about her. It was really inappropriate as in he talked about her like she is some call girl. Totally nasty and disrespectful. You really need to recognize the difference and understand the respect and lack of respect aspect of this.

But if he only didnt brag about me because he respected me. Then why when i ask him about it why he never said anything about me to his friends , his answers is always 'i dont know'. Why wouldnt he tell me then its because i respected you..

Also just another information: I met my boyfriend on tinder. For sex. But after around 4 months we decided to be in a relationship. And the whole 4 months, he never told anyone about me. Never bragged about me. I was just a f*buddy back then. Just like Anna. So why would he even have respected me THAT much to the point not to tell his friends he is seeing me.?

But if he only didnt brag about me because he respected me. Then why when i ask him about it why he never said anything about me to his friends , his answers is always 'i dont know'. Why wouldnt he tell me then its because i respected you..

Because respect is instinctive, it's not something we do consciously. He didn't sit there and go, "well I really like and respect this girl so I'm not going to talk to my friends about her like she is a hooker." So when you are trying to confront him and ask him why why why, he genuinely can't come up with an answer for you.

It's words over actions. He totally badmouthed her to his friends and then refused to date her. He kept his mouth shut about you, because he likes and respects you and he is with you and dating you. You simply don't talk like he did about Anna, about your gf or any girl you want to date for real. If he actually had mouthed off about you like that, that would actually be a bad thing and a red flag that he is not into you. You wouldn't be a gf, you would be some random chic he banged once and dropped.

I would be mortified if the guy I was sleeping with was sharing it with his friends. I would be done with him, as it it disrespectful.

I don't understand how you would ever consider it a good thing that bragging about you sexually is a positive thing. This thinking is warped.

Do you have any role models to help you with these sorts of things? You don't seem to know how people are supposed to be treated.

Maybe you need to clean up your act and the way you talk about things. Get therapy asap and read up on self respect.

Never bragged about me. I was just a f*buddy back then. Just like Anna.

Oh really? No i dont have anyone to go to. Thats why i am on the internet. You guys are really opening my eyes. So its not a compliment if the guy tellls his guy friends how hot you are? I thoughts thats a compliment and was hurt he didnt tell his friends anything like that about me.

Yes i got diagnosed with ocd, rocd. I probably ly have more issues than that or what are you trying to say @wiseman2?

I think i got really messed up also cause i was in a 5 year relationship to a sociopath. All my ideas of how a relationship is supposed to be are formed of that. So you guys are opening my eyes by explaining that he only meant it good by not telling his friends he sleeps with me.

Oh really? No i dont have anyone to go to. Thats why i am on the internet. You guys are really opening my eyes. So its not a compliment if the guy tellls his guy friends how hot you are? I thoughts thats a compliment and was hurt he didnt tell his friends anything like that about me.

 

Yes i got diagnosed with ocd, rocd. I probably ly have more issues than that or what are you trying to say @wiseman2?

 

I think i got really messed up also cause i was in a 5 year relationship to a sociopath. All my ideas of how a relationship is supposed to be are formed of that. So you guys are opening my eyes by explaining that he only meant it good by not telling his friends he sleeps with me.

NO! NO! NO! he should NEVER be talking about you in a sexual manner with friends!!!!!!!

Let this be. Please get the therapy you need to manage your mental illness.

If someone respects and cares about you, they DO NOT share these private things.

Maybe you need to clean up your act and the way you talk about things. Get therapy asap and read up on self respect.

Agreed. OP, no-one here can give you the help you need. You NEED professional help for all of your issues. The sooner the better, because you WILL carry this through to all future relationships and it will kill every relationship you ever have (imo).

Please make an appointment with a professional counselor/therapist.