Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: Advise on working/childcare

  1. #1
    Lisajane1980
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    4
    Thanked
    1

    Advise on working/childcare

    I was wondering if anyone can advise me or tell me of their own experience and how they manage. I have two children aged 11 and six and I also work full time in a nursing home. I do 12 hour shifts, usually in a cluster. I work every weekend as this means my children's dad is there to have them and usually a weekday 12 hour plus a late shift. Because of these hours I find myself only seeing my children after school times three days a week which I have found very hard. As I have no other means of childcare it has seemed I am without an option. I have recently reevaluated my hours and can now work hours allowing me to have off every other weekend but this will mean working a seven day period with only one day off. This is still a preferable option and affords me more time with my children. I was just wondering how other mums who work full time mange. Any advuce would be great xx

  2. #2
    charity
    Platinum Member charity's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    2,520
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    237
    I don't have much advice per se. But we do it exactly as you do it...by changing schedules, getting other people to help out and making the best of what time we do have with our kids. Sounds like you are doing what all working mums do but you don't feel happy with it?

  3. #3
    Jeffbobo
    Gold Member Jeffbobo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Minneapolis
    Age
    47
    Posts
    589
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    290
    I'd like to answer this not from the perspective of how a mom who works full time handles this but a parent in general.

    It's good that you *and* their dad are in there life. A consistent schedule for your kids so that they know who they will be with and can depend on day to day is important. If you and their dad both have the best interest of the kids at heart, then I think a consistent schedule for them is best. This could mean that they stay with their dad during the week and with you on the weekends.

    As the kids get older, if this kind of arrangement doesn't work for you, look into baby sitting classes so that the older child can handle things for short periods of time before you get home from work. That along with a good plan on expectations and communication. Only you will know if and when your older child is capable. Other things that work are after school activities. You'd have to see how that works against your schedule along with all the details of those activities.

    In general, you are in a situation where you need to stress quality over quantity time with your children. Make that time count.

  4. #4
    ParisPaulette
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    11,490
    Thanked
    6027
    Jeffbobo gets it right, it's quality, not quantity that matters. Former working single mom with three kids. What you do is try to up the quality, meaning you find time even if it's just a text to each of them telling them you love them daily, small notes in their lunches, on your days off you do things with them. And you try really hard not to miss any major important events to them and if you do, you don't beat yourself up about it OR try to promise them something you know you can't keep.

    And through it all, you explore other possible work options that might give you more time if the job you have is demanding too much of you. I say that because I didn't early on and it's my one regret with my kids. I let a job take over my entire life, and theirs, never again. But what I finally did do was start looking for other work that wasn't quite so demanding and when I found it, I quit and never looked back on the other job.

    In the meantime the following are what helped me:

    *You need to become a master of shared housework/housework becomes about sharing time with them. I used to take my kids with me shopping and we'd do some little something as well. Go to the park for an hour then on to the grocery store. Or I'd make a game of all of us cleaning the house and when we were done, movies and popcorn.

    *Let go of perfectionism if you have it in your life. A perfect house with everything in place and sparkling is not as important as you making sure you and your family are fed, warm, relaxed and showing each other love. I say that, because in the beginning I tried to be the perfect housekeeper as well as everything else. And in the end I had to let that go along with little things like I was never going to be a PTA mom, I did not have that luxury of time. Bake sales? Nope, I did store bought and threw it into tupperware. TV dinners, yes please I wasn't going to cook every single night although I still did my fair share of dinners and home cooking. Just not all the time. Rugs not vaccumed for a week? Oh well, tell the oldest to do it or no park time or let it go.

    *One thing that helped me immensely at one point was to list out all of the things I did, and then to find alternatives to how I could do something easier or that if this or this or this didn't get done right away, that that was okay. Prioritize your time like mad, don't let anyone take that away from you. It will help.

    *Don't forget to take a bit of time for you either. I'm sorry, if you are always focused on others you have to have that time to build in strength and resiliency and not get burned out on caring for other people. Even if it's an afternoon at a spa or a walk by yourself, you need to do that too. And not feel guilty about it.

    *Last thing, let go of guilt. True guilt is there to keep us from doing horrible things like abusing puppies or stealing from old people. Feeling guilty you aren't a stay-at-home mother is useless guilt and kind of back to that whole perfectionism thing again. You have to realize your kids primarily remember the love you show them, that you were there when they most needed you in times of trouble, and that you made an effort to be their parent. They don't really keep a log of "My mother wasn't here for x number of hours each day."

  5. Thanks charity thanked for this post
Top Threads
My Christmas
I choose to live apart from my family because they tend to drive me batty. However, I have not been home for the holidays in 5 years, babies have
Asking for input from estranged children
Hello. I'm hoping that I can get some input from adult children who are estranged from their parents. My youngest son is 28, and has decided that
Is my relationship with mom toxic?
Hi all, any time I turn up here I get really excellent advice (been lurking for years), so I thought I'd give it another shot. I first posted here
Judgemental dad, how do i handle it
My dad hates that my boyfriend and i rent. And he is vocal about it. He even said he isn't comfortable at our place and that its a dump. He goes on
Am I wrong for this?
For those of y'all that be been on here a bit y'all have seen me post about mom and her declining health for a while now. She's back in the hospital

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Is he still in love with his EX?
I met this great guy at work (last November), he just got out of a painful breakup (last September) during that time he kept communicating with his
Can't get over girlfriends past
I've been dating this girl for about 5 months and its going great. The only issue is that I can't get over her sexual history. There are several
I dont like my girlfriends new piercing
So my girlfriend went and got nipple piercings knowing that i didnt like them and didnt tell me she was gonna get them. They are a really big turn
What I am to her ?
hey guys I want some counseling .. I met a girl online .. At first she said that she doesn't wanna fall for me and we will be just friends .. I said
I want my family back
Hi, I was dumped on New Years Eve by my ex girlfriend of 8 years whom I have a 6 year old with. We have been arguing for the past few months prior to
Anxious and depressed about being 32 yo and not married
I could really use some kind and encouraging words right now because I wake up every morning to an intense feeling of pain because I am alone. I'm 32
Ex (dumper) delays giving keys back. Why?
First time poster. Been viewing threads somewhat regularly for a few months now and figured I'd get a few opinions. I'll give a little of the
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •