Writing my ex a letter to let him know how I feel!

It's 4,5 months since my ex cheated on me and left me for another girl. He was my first love and we were together 4 years. Though I am about to move to his city (we had a LDR) I meanwhile gave up all hope for reconciliation. He seems happy with his new gf and never initiated any contact with me. It's like I never existed for him.

I am still suffering so much and I want to have my life back. But my mind is occupied with thoughts of the two of them...

I am thinking about breaking NC and finally telling him what all that did with me. When my ex broke up, I didnt say anything, didnt plead, didnt try to discuss, didnt even criticised him for cheating on me...I withheld my thoughts and feelings on propose because I wanted him back so much.

But all this anger, sadness and desperation seems kind of stored in me and I feel like bursting innerly and I want to finally tell him what all that did with me, that the last months were hell, that I feel traumatized and deeply deeply hurt.

I know that it won't bring him back but I have a feeling that he gets away too easy if I just continue to ignore him. I hoped for an apology but nothing came from him so far. I wonder if he feels gulity at all because it seems he doesn't. On the other hand, he was always a good guy with a big conscience. I hope writing him will bring me kind of closure. I see it as my last words and contact to him, and afterwards want to delete him and never see again.

Your thoughts?

As of Sunday I'm in the same boat. I knew it would eventually happen. But to actually hear it still hurts so much. I'd like to write a letter I've done it with her in the past. Not to get her back just to let her know how I hurt. I'd say don't do it try to look at it logically. It will just fall on deaf ears. They are with someone else there's no going back. I know it sucks. I don't believe in carma or any of that though I'm sure half the people on here wish it existed. I know I do. If you have to write it out but don't send it.

Yes write it all out, save it, reread it, journal about it, but don't send it. When you send post-breakup communication it puts you in limbo...did he get it? did he ignore? will he respond? when?, etc.

He knows what he did and why you broke up. Do you really want him and his new gf laughing over this and viewing you as a scorned woman who can't move on? or posting it on social media to embarrass you?

Pull your self-respect together and stay no contact and ignore him, that's the best message. It will help you heal and move on better than clinging and being a victim/martyr. You need a "who cares, dodged a bullet" attitude.

Also get on some dating apps and start browsing for who is out there for you.

It's 4,5 months since my ex cheated on me and left me for another girl.

I am thinking about breaking NC and finally telling him what all that did with me.

I think writing a letter like that could be cathartic. However, I wouldn't recommend sending it. Burn it, throw it away, cut it into little pieces, whatever helps you process your pain. At the very least, sleep on it before sending it. I've written such letters and can honestly say the only good that came from it was giving myself a chance to understand my own emotions.

All I can say is...I've been there done that....and sure, write the letter...but don't send it. Burn it. Or delete it. Or save it for a few years down the line when you've healed...but sending it is a bad idea.

He won't respond, and he'll think you're crazy and not over him yet. It won't make him feel bad, it will make him thankful he got out.

Write it out how you feel...get it all out...but do it for you...not to get revenge on him.

it hurts right now but i think writing this letter and sending it to him will hurt you more than what you intend his reaction will be. he doesnt think about you, youre the farthest from his mind, hes got his new gf that hes focused on.

you can just imagine him getting this letter and if he does read it, rolls his eyes thinking how pathetic it all sounds, maybe he will feel a bit bad, maybe he wont. but the bottom line is he wont really give a damn that youre pouring your heart out in this letter. he'll crumple it up and throw it away and tell his new gf about it and both will ridicule you. you'll be lucky if he even responds cause like i said he most likely wont care enough to put the effort.

dont think about him getting off lightly. you actually did exactly what you shouldve done, which was not fall apart in front of him. youre 4 months into the healing, dont backtrack now, it will get better you must believe that. let her keep that guy, a guy capable of cheating. thats what she has, you need to move on and find someone who will respect you enough to stay loyal.

Don't expect remorse from someone who intentionally wronged you and cheated on you. They know what they did, they didn't care while doing it and they are not going to care now either no matter what you say. So write the letter to let out your emotions, to feel better, to say what you want to say and get it off your chest, but then tear it up and move forward with your life. Never ever contact him.

Your best revenge on a cheater like that is that you go on to have a fabulous life without him.

I love that. Go have a fabulous life

DO NOT SEND HIM A LETTER! HE WON'T CARE!

He knew what he did was wrong. Telling him how you feel will not change anything.

Write a letter, and burn it. If you are not able to move on, then I would suggest some counseling.

I guess you are all right

It's just so weird for me to have such ending where so many things are left unspoken.. I wrote that letter but it didn't help me that much.. I still feel like I want to tell him.

But I'm probably still hurting too much and therefore feel that need. I feel like I am not really moving on with NC but if contacting won't make it any better I wonder what makes it better? Because I meet friends and try out things, I do sport and such stuff but I enjoy nothing anymore and I can't help thinking only bout my ex and missing him so so much every minute. He left such a void in my life it feels bizzare he just went away without looking back and there's nothing I can do to change that.

You did the right thing by holding it together. However I must say, when my ex left me, I wrote her a letter, and wham! The Glorious Guilt Punch! I didn't mean for it to make her feel guilty, but it had that effect and she cried. She still left me though.

The difference between me and you? Your ex has no moral compass, so you can't induce guilt. You have Faded to black in his eyes. But Your self respect and dignity is in tact, don't ruin that by sending him a letter. The letter is for you, not him. Write, but do not send. Living well is the best revenge.

It's 4 to 5 months and it still hurts. I'd ask yourself if someone great came into your life out of the blue would you accept them or still be upset over your ex?. I know for me I'd absolutely accept them so basically I'm just causing my own misery going over things 1000 times.

I could not be open to any new person in my life yet. That's what I am pretty sure about. Moreover, I am generally falling in love very very rarely. It happened to me only once and that was with my ex. Now I'm close to 30 and that additionally pressurizes me. I am afraid I wont be able to find love again or to be happy again with a partner.

The only man I ever wanted left me and is happier with another girl. It hurts so so much, outch. It's weird to imagine to never see him again in life. But if I would bump into him on street, I wouldn't know what to do. Probably I would just run away.

Nothing wrong with writing a letter. Vent all your anger etc, but don't send it. Walk away with your head held high, integrity and dignity in tact which is a lot more than can be said for him. Happiness is the sweetest revenge.

It takes time.

I kept super busy, and got involved with many new activities. Have you tried volunteering?

I guess you are all right

 

It's just so weird for me to have such ending where so many things are left unspoken.. I wrote that letter but it didn't help me that much.. I still feel like I want to tell him.

 

But I'm probably still hurting too much and therefore feel that need. I feel like I am not really moving on with NC but if contacting won't make it any better I wonder what makes it better? Because I meet friends and try out things, I do sport and such stuff but I enjoy nothing anymore and I can't help thinking only bout my ex and missing him so so much every minute. He left such a void in my life it feels bizzare he just went away without looking back and there's nothing I can do to change that.

Honestly just time and keeping on doing what you are doing - making yourself socialize, carrying on with your hobbies, work, etc. Also consider doing some new stuff just because. After 4 years, 4-5 months out of the relationship is still very fresh and where you are at is really quite normal. One thing that maybe you could try is forcing yourself to interrupt thoughts about him. Like you start thinking about him, deliberately stop and distract yourself with something else - chores, tv, book, calling a friend, etc. Whatever works for you to jolt your mind out of that groove of dwelling and dwelling on him. The more you practice that, the less you'll find the desire for it and one day you'll realize that you haven't thought about him for days or weeks and....it feels fine.