Who do i choose :( am i doing the right thing?

Hi, in my culture you don't really have relationships you get into one only if if leads to marriage. Please bare this in mind when advising me.

I have been with my potential husband for a few years now. Whereas my family only think it has been one year, i told my family so they would avoid finding other guys for me!

My guy has been studying away those years in a different city. I loved everything about him at first, a bright ambitious man, and a to be solicitor in a couple months. Most importantly he was supportive and always knew about this commitment of marriage. His family is very large and complicated he dislikes his dad who has remarried and all together he has 11 siblings.

Over the years he met my parents 3 times to show his commitment to me, but did not want to meet my siblings as he felt scared and that he could not offer marriage proposal right now.

Originally i would always tell him i wanted his family to know about me, i told him if they do not know by December 2016 then i would leave him as i had told mine and i did not want to be a secret anymore in his family. In all of the time I have been with him 3 of his older siblings have gotten married. He is sorta next in line to get married and has a 1yr younger sister. He convinced me to wait for him til his brother got married which was a few days ago.

Before the lastest wedding i convinced him to tell his oldest sister about me and that i was a potential for marriage and to look into it after the wedding. Although he sent that message i heard stories of how much of a struggle it was for his brothers to get married to their potential wives and it failing as they did not get approval from their dad n sister (we are talking them being in a relationship for 10years etc). I confronted him about this and said i would not stay with him and go through what his brothers exs did and wait around for many more years.

I was upset, my dream was to be engaged in the year 2017, that was our plan. He knows this. I am getting old and i will get shamed, my siblings already hate him and are annoyed at me for him not showing any commitment.

I was upset i told my parents and they said to give him 2 weeks for him to get his dad to give my parents a phone call for his commitment/marriage proposal. It seemed reasonable enough, i mean its just a phonecall acknowledging me?

He came to my house crying saying he was sorry for stringing me along longer and for making me wait. He said he didnt want to lose me and he would talk to his sister etc. I have never seen him cry before, but it felt like he was already giving up on us. So negative. Saying they may not call this and that. We were just going around in circles with me saying just to tell his sister the truth and him predicting the worse.

Later that night he told his younger sister and she tried to sweet talk me saying that we will get a call within those 2 weeks and added i can get married after her in december which annoyed me considering she just got with her guy recently and said she would wait til we married first.

So 2 weeks has been placed on our relationship. His negativity leaves me very frustrated and annoyed. He doesnt realise how much he promised me.. or how much i waited. I feel like he wont fight for me. Id rather see him say he'l try his best instead hes saying its an inconvenient time.

At the same time my friend introduced me to a guy looking to get married he knows my situation and has a great personality ready to commit etc.

Some random guy is so crazy to marry me where as my current boyfriend is scared to tell his freaking sister how my family wait a call.

What do i do?

Unfortunately it sounds like guy 1 doesn't want to get married. Can you start dating guy 2?

I was upset, my dream was to be engaged in the year 2017.I was upset i told my parents and they said to give him 2 weeks for him to get his dad to give my parents a phone call for his commitment/marriage proposal. He came to my house crying saying he was sorry for stringing me along longer and for making me wait. At the same time my friend introduced me to a guy looking to get married he knows my situation and has a great personality ready to commit etc.

How many years have you two been together? Why does a sister have so much power over him and why would she object? Anyway, I think that given what has happened so far, you need to wait and see what him and his family will do in the next two weeks. If they don't acknowledge you then it might be time to decide on a final deadline and if you are not engaged by then, then off you go.

@OP, it sounds like we are from the same culture! In my culture, if you are dating someone, it has to lead to marriage or else "I'm so bad". You know what, I decided that I have a mind of my own and kept my dating life to myself. Sure, my family met a couple of my ex boyfriends, but I don't talk or say anything more to them. They could say whatever they like but I feel it's my future and it's someone I would have to spend the rest of my life with so I don't pay attention.

After that being said, my advice is to follow your heart! Don't let your family or his impact your relationship. Not to mean or rude, but your boyfriend needs to grow a pair!! Is he like under 15 years old? He's scared of his siblings? Is that the man you want to marry? Someone who can't stand up for you or himself? How is he going to support his family? Or even be a man? Sorry, I'm just putting it out there. If we are in the same culture, you know what, after you marry him, the family is just going to complain and ask you the same questions I just did.

Point is, I've been there and have been there, the family will never be happy and if you get married and don't get pregnant the next day, you will hear about it also. It just won't end, trust me.

As for guy #2, how do you feel about him? Put marriage aside, do you feel you have a great romantic connection with him? You have to think, getting married isn't the answer to everything and it's someone you will spend the rest of your life with. Don't make a decision based on if this person is going to marry you, make a decision based on how you feel. Follow your gut and your heart. You will have a much happier life.

I did however get married, but it was under my conditions, not my family or his. We dated for a while, marriage actually never crossed my mind until I felt that he was right for me. When I did realized that I want kids and start a family, I told him how I felt and left it at that. Giving someone an ultimatum isn't a very good way to go about either. You are forcing him to marry you, that's a lot of pressure.

The relationship should be yours and your boyfriends, not anyone else. That's why there is a saying, the best relationship blossoms from those who keeps the relationship to themselves. The reason is if you tell others, your family, friends and co-workers etc. Although they think they are giving you good advice, what they are doing is clouding your judgement. Trust me, I learnt that the hard way. It's best to keep your relationship and problems between the two of you. Going on this website is also a good idea because the people don't know either of you, so our advice is unbiased. When it comes to friends and family, it's always biased no matter how you think of it. At the end of the day, only you and your boyfriend is in the relationship, you two knows best on where you stand and etc.

Also, don't compare your relationship with others. Whatever happened to his brother and his girlfriend is their relationship, everyone is different. Every relationship is different. You just have to focus on your relationship. Enjoy the dating process, enjoy the getting to know each other. If you cloud your mind with just marriage is the reason whey you are dating, one of you or both of you will eventually be very unhappy in the long term. Think of yourself first, and what makes you happy, not your family or his. Good luck!

*UPDATE* .. guy number one told me to give him more time but could not guarantee a proposal. I ended it with him. I feel relief i guess, sad i wasted so much time. Its fate at the end the day. A new chapter awaits. Thank you all for your advice!