I believe my son may be gay

I have noticed that my young son seems to be showing some behavior that may indicate he is gay. It is hard to put into words but his general behavior is girl like and he is always very interested and friendly with any of my male friends that visit. He has girls toys that he likes more that any others and I think he is leaning that way. I just want him to be happy but it is difficult when you really do not know. I have talked to him about things generally but have not mentioned anything relating to sexuality. What to do

How old is your son?

What do you mean what to do? You cannot exactly change someone's sexuality.. either he is or he isn't.

I had a feeling when my daughter was around 11 that she may be gay , I can't put my finger on what it was exactly ...instinct maybe ...anyway she is , she is now almost 18 . There was no problem in her telling me because I had already brought it up when she was 13/14 .

Anyway , my advice on it is do nothing ...it doesn't matter , just let him do what he feels comfortable with play wise . I wouldn't fill his head with anything until he has hit his teens and then just make sure you are open and welcoming to every possibility .

What's your goal? Do you just want to know rather or not he's gay? If he's an appropriate age, I suppose you could very tactfully ask..

how old is he?

i'm afraid i don't understand your concern. do you worry about his suspected homosexuality per se, are you wondering about ways of being supportive without forcing the subject on him, something else?

We really need to know age here ....because if he is still a little boy you simply do nothing ..... if he is a teen then a chat to let him know you support whoever he is would be nice for you both .

Depending on his age- my assumption is he is on the younger side (toy reference) I would actually be more of an observer than anything else -let him come to you with questions about his preferences in toys, clothing, friends, etc. Let him come to you if someone says something that hurts his feelings or confuses him. And even then be more of a listener and ask open ended questions to encourage him to have your ear. That I think is the best role you can play right now. And I would say that for similar situations too- whatever it is where the child seems to have less typical beliefs, preferences, etc which fall short of needing professional or medical attention. You want him to feel he can come to you and be open with you and the more you encourage that the better. Put him first as opposed to wanting to find out if indeed he is gay IMO.

Just love him and be supportive of him. Don't try to push conversations on him that he's not ready for (when he's older) and if you ever talk about gay people don't be down on them. Remember that any time he hears you talk about gay people badly he will think he's going to lose his parents if he comes out.

That is, of course, if he's gay. He might not be. Just let him enjoy the things he likes and don't try to force him into things he doesn't like.

Just love him and be supportive of him. Don't try to push conversations on him that he's not ready for (when he's older) and if you ever talk about gay people don't be down on them. Remember that any time he hears you talk about gay people badly he will think he's going to lose his parents if he comes out.

 

That is, of course, if he's gay. He might not be. Just let him enjoy the things he likes and don't try to force him into things he doesn't like.

I would say as parents it's crucial to avoid talking down about any group based solely on race/ethnicity/sexual orientation - to model respecting others as individuals to every extent possible(with some exceptions -groups that are organized for the purpose of doing harm to others, etc).

@Batya33 - And yet so many can't help themselves...

How old is he? Are you gay?

his general behavior is girl like and he is always very interested and friendly with any of my male friends that visit.

He is ten and has some learning difficulties. I am bi but I am sure that I have not had any affect on his sexuality. I think I have done what is best for him but worry like most that I can do more

Is he asking you to do anything?

He is commingle more aware of himself and others and is quite reliant on me.

He is commingle more aware of himself and others and is quite reliant on me.

Are you perhaps enabling that "reliance?" I had asked a question above but your post didn't seem to respond.

sorry I did not really understand the question, I do take care of him. What do you mean please

sorry I did not really understand the question, I do take care of him. What do you mean please

Is he asking you to do anything with respect to his preferences that appear feminine or is it just your observations that he has those preferences?

I suspectec my daughter was gay by about age 7 or 8 but rationalized as being a tomboy. I was certain when she entered middle school. By 8th grade I asked her. She denied. 9th grade I asked again. Her reply: mom, I'm not a fag.

By 10th grade she had her first relationship and got her heart crushed. That's when she sat down and told me she is gay. I simply told her I have always known and was just waiting for her to feel secure enough with this part of her being. She still struggled. Her quote: I wish I was not. In this society, who would CHOOSE to be gay?

I accept her. All of her. And I would not change anything about her sexual orientation. It is who she is. Makes no difference to me at all.

Both his sexual identity and sexual orientation will solidify on it's own, regardless of toys, behaviors, etc. Let hem be who he wants and in time he will make his own discoveries. It should make absolutely no difference in how you raise him.

He is ten and has some learning difficulties. I am bi but I am sure that I have not had any affect on his sexuality.

I will try to raise him to the best of my ability, I do worry about the future i must admit and how it will affect him as he grows up.

Both his sexual identity and sexual orientation will solidify on it's own, regardless of toys, behaviors, etc. Let hem be who he wants and in time he will make his own discoveries. It should make absolutely no difference in how you raise him.

I don't agree. Once you know there is something atypical about your child, or you suspect (and before I get push back by atypical I mean anything that is present in a minority of children - no negative connotation or judgment meant), I think a good parent keeps that in mind and prepares - in his case the way I would prepare is read up now on how to deal with the inevitable questions, the risks of bullying or similar behavior from his peers, "Let him be who he wants" - of course! - but while being prepared to be supportive and facilitate his development and changes by gathering helpful information (and that can take time because often there is so much unhelpful information). Of course he is who he is/it likely will come to fruition on its own but that doesn't mean that parent takes an entirely hands off/passive approach. I would say the same if the child was unusually good at math, or showing a unique ability in another area, etc.

I will try to raise him to the best of my ability, I do worry about the future i must admit and how it will affect him as he grows up.

how did it affect you?

i feel like you had a hard time and are worried you won't be able to protect your child from the same difficulties. are you facing difficulties as a bisexual now?

i don't mean to imply that your concern for your child is inappropriate in any way, i mean to point out that sometimes when we focus our anxiety on a child that isn't expressing that he is experiencing that anxiety, we can create a focal point from which he actually does start to experience himself or his situation negatively.

i know a grown man who struggles to overcompensate for his self-loathing (again, not in the least implying that's what you are inducting in your son), and one of the things he remembers as contributing factors for his self-image is his obsessively religious superstitious father nightly kneeling by his bed when he was a child, praying for his son's "soul". he says he remembers thinking why are we praying for my soul? my soul feels fine? and eventually coming to think "i guess we have a problem with my damaged soul".

it isn't uncommon for parental anxiety to eventually be internalized by the child. the child feels very connected to you and in some ways not yet fully separate from you as well. so the feelings pour to and from you and him before he grows up, like you still share an emotional blood vessel. especially if you are by chance a single parent or have been for a significant amount of time.

i am having difficulties conveying my point succinctly, i hope it is understood nevertheless.

pippy longstocking.. that's great advice!

David Charles, I would also say, if your son does in fact come to you and share with you that he is gay, whatever your immediate reply to him is he will remember forever. Remember that before you react, I think it's important.

My advice is to do nothing. If he is gay he will tell you when he is ready and he might not be ready right now. If he isn't then he isn't. Make sure he knows you are okay with homosexuality and all that and just try to forget it for now. Best wishes.