Need answers idk

Okay a little background

He's 12 years older then me I'm 20

He's separated from his wife and they are definitely getting a divorce as she wants nothing to do with him, and she has moved on she will not contact him, and he's not allowed to contact her (I know everything about it and it's petty and not alarming)

We both have kids (both have one)

We were dating for about a month and half

Everything was great we always had fun never argued never got mad at each other nothing

I always told him to take it at his pace I allowed him to initiate everything so he was comfortable, I didn't want to pressure him.. we have basically the same story as everyone else who has been 'the rebound' from a marriage aka things were strong, kinda fast, he told me that it's what he wanted, that he was ready, he always reassured me that he wanted to be with me, then boom one day that changed. I was very hesitant on this relationship due to circumstances but ended up giving him a chance after he was the only one that picked up the phone when I was calling everyone for help with a broke down vehicle in the middle of the night.. he always told me I was beautiful, made me feel great always told me I'm fun and blah blah blah, really made me believe he was interested. He took me on an expensive weekend, when we came back he was a little distant, which was confusing cause I had a great time and he told me he did as well. Then we had sex(sry for the tmi) for the first time, we'll like 3 second sex cause he went soft.. (we've messed around before and he had an issue keeping it up the first time we fooled around which he said was cause he's been with the same woman for over 10 years, after time he didn't have an issue) but he told me he missed his wife after (which yes it's fine, cause I get it.. right time to tell me PROBABLY NOT, but I was very supportive) he told me everything is fine he just wanted me to know how he was feeling blah blah blah that he wasn't leaving me blah blah blah.. whatta shame cause then he ignored me with a follow up text a few days later saying sorry I can't do this I thought I could but I can't .. GREAT THANKS BUDDY. I had him call me with an explanation cause the text wasn't good enough.. he said 'id still really like to see you, if we could slow down and reverce a little' which again I was fine with considering I wanted to take things slower then we were anyways.. well he slapped me with another i can't do this days later a day before we were supposed to hangout so I said k I get it hope all works out .. then after i contact I texted him 'hope you know you could always get ahold of me stricktly as friends if you need to talk or get your mind off things..' 'he says thanks for understanding' I said 'yes I just think you need to talk to someone whether it be me or someone else' no response (no surprise tho cause he ignored me for like 3 days before the break off text lol) well I guess I'm here cause I wanna know if anyone who's gone through this, has the guy ever reached back out? i know no one can even answer This but .. I feel like he didn't even like me.. like I feel like he did then it hit him that he didn't... I feel like he doesn't even care about me being in his life (cause let's be real if he wanted me to be in his life he'd call) and I GET that he's going though a divorce, and it's emotionally straining and unfortunately I was the buffer.. but what I don't get is how he could sit there and tell me how beautiful I am and how much fun I am and after all we have done (I know it was only a month and half but we did a lot) and not even care about me.. and I guess I don't need anyone to answer that cause when we were on the phone after he broke it off with me the first time I asked him if he cared about me and his response was 'well I think you're cute and a lot of fun' .. ???!!!!?!!?! when he's emotionally available would he want something with me (not that I'm waiting around lol, I've already gone on a date, and I have another one coming up I just want to know if this last month and half meant as little as he's making it feel) any insight would be great...

He already gave you the answers you're seeking, OP.

He thinks you're attractive and a good person, but he misses his wife. His heart is with her and not available for anyone else yet. A month isn't long enough to really get attached and I think he was probably trying to fill the hole she left when she ended it. So while I don't think your time together meant nothing, it also didn't mean that he felt deeply connected or ready to be with you.

In the future, when someone is rebounding from a broken marriage and actually tells you he misses his wife - that is your cue to run. Don't try to rationalize it or be understanding or patient and hope he comes around. He might reach out again at some point but I wouldn't wait for him. He's got a lot of healing to do and it will be probably be a long time before he's truly ready to date again.

he just needed to feel a little better what with the divorce proceedings.

he isn't into it, you don't get the satisfaction of proper partnership, the gratification of being wanted, appreciated, loved, and the sex sucks.

don't count on a text, in fact, block and keep dating and steer clear of ones with unfinished business.

As much as I don't like saying this, you were just a distraction. He was going through the motions in the hope that it would fill a void and ease his pain, only it didn't work. He shouldn't have drawn you into his emotional turmoil but, to be honest, the moment he told you he missed his wife you should have upped and left. NEVER settle for second best. NEVER be someone's emotional crutch.

In answer to your question ... it is highly unlikely that he is going to develop feelings for you all all the while his focus is on getting over his marriage break up. When he's at the point where he's really ready to move on, he will probably start afresh (or rather continue to move forwards and not look back). Please don't waste your time thinking about it .... because you would have moved on from him by then anyway ..... right?

I texted him 'hope you know you could always get ahold of me stricktly as friends if you need to talk or get your mind off things..'

Thing is, you don't want to be his friend. It is never a good idea to put yourself in this position. You are asking to be used. Besides, what that really says to him is "I'm not over you. I can't let go of you. I am prepared to be whatever you want me to be just so I can keep hold of you". Don't do this to yourself. You deserve better than that.

Thank you.. as much as I didn't want to hear that.. it's what I needed. You're right it DOES SUCK being dragged through someone else's mess.. and yes I'm trying to move on, I really am. But, then stupidly I try and make sense of it in my head. I know he enjoyed his time with but it just sucks that as fast as it happened it ended. Which reallllly blows, and I hate even more that it's what I knew would happen I kept saying to him I'm waiting for one day for you to wake up and realize you weren't ready and he'd always say that it's not how it is our marriage has been over, we've known this for a long time, I've been over her as much as she's been me for a long time blah blah blah but as a 'woman' (i use that term lightly being in only 20) I know we check out emotionally and mentally long before we do physically. As hard as all of these were to read it's exactly what I needed to hear.

Thank you, I know all of this it's exactly things I've said to myself and my friends to I just needed to hear it from a stranger

you are twenty?? oh girl forget this guy. date, date, date and don't force anything with anyone who isn't downright nuts about you and hellbent on keeping you. at twenty, you'll have guys fall for you something crazy. he will just make you believe you are unworthy of that with his disinterest. it's a very difficult thing to not internalize, and even more difficult to shake off.

Yea lol, I am. Trust me I have plenty of guys interested, and I really have been dodging guys since my child's father and I broke up a year ago, and I realllllly was not going to let this one in, cause I knew it was a bad idea. i have been sooooo good of not getting involved and not letting myself get into situations I know will end, but some how this one slipped through cracks with his smooth talking and he's great at convincing. And annoyingly I'm a fixer 😡 I'm glad I spent that time I did with him and tbh he doesn't deserve me and what I have to offer with or without the divorce. It just racks my brain, and I know it's him not me. But, how does he flip and boom he doesn't like me anymore. It's just frustrating, and I always was very opened. I don't like playing games so I would say exactly how I'd feel the second I felt it, and he couldn't even common curtesy it back and just let me know .. I don't know. I did delete him from everything but Facebook but I deleted my Facebook for the time being.. so idk

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like dodged a bullet. He's still in love with his wife.

we'll like 3 second sex cause he went soft.. but he told me he missed his wife. then he ignored me with a follow up text a few days later saying sorry I can't do this I thought I could but I can't

As I would expect him to be, no doubt. He's told me he hasn't been 'in' love with his wife but that he loves her, and it's still pretty fresh. I do not regret meeting this man. Everything happens for a reason. So even if that reason is to help someone, I guess it'll have to be a good enough reason. And we had an amazing time together, maybe in a couple of years we'll bump into each other. But, I'm not waiting for him. It is what it is I guess.

But, I'm not waiting for him.

That's good to hear.