Trying my best to stay strong when I am the weak one who cares too much

I've been in a relationship with a guy for a little more than a year. We both have stressful job... we happen to work next door to each other and I often have to see him as part of my job... which sucks right now. We fight a lot. I fight with him a lot about his drinking. He won't ever get help or talk to anyone because he doesn't want anyone at work to find out he has an issue. He is all - I can handle it myself- when he clearly can't. He can also be extremely irritable when he isn't drinking and very controlling for no apparent reason. You are probably wondering why I would even want to be with him. He can be the sweetest guy. I know he means well... but he has so many problems he refuses to address. Before we would fight and I would stop taking to him for a few days... I could never go more than a week bc I would miss him so much... our last fight just pissed me off so much that I've been able to power through and it's been almost two weeks. When I see him at work neither of us say hi or acknowledge the other person. I wish he should wake up and care... two weeks ago, I did what I had to do and decided the only way I can stop me from being the one to going to him is if I block him from my phone and delete his number- so I did that. I deleted him off of Facebook as well as his family and blocked him when o noticed he tried to readd me. He came by twice the day after our huge blow up.. I didn't want any of it... I was so pissed off. I had my first big project at work and I went out with co-workers to celebrate... I nearly ever do that.. but I deserved it... he was upset that I was like 20 minutes late... according to him it was an hour- but whatever... he is so not understanding. I tried rushing... but not to be silly.. as I was waking back to my car with a co-worker to drop him off at his apt... I smelled fries and I was starving so we ran in so I could get fries... I am kind of random.

Needless to say we got ina huge fight. It was so bad I blocked him because I didn't want to see all of the mean things he would say... and I didn't want to be weak and contact him... I guess I feel he honestly doesn't care about me... he seems to think I will always be around by the way he acts... so I am doing my best to not be around. I wish it would open his eyes... but I doubt it will because deep down inside I don't think he really cares... I don't know if he is capable of caring.

I honestly see is going the rest of our lives never taking..which is hard bc our jobs go hand and hand... but luckily I don't see him everyday and it's not like we are co-workers... imagine two jobs the frequently cross paths.. and that's us.

It's hard... but it's good that I blocked him. I can't unblock him bc I deleted his number.. there might be a way to- but I don't want to know how. I need to stay strong. I won't lie... I am upset he has t tried to reach out to me... I know he is blocked but he knows where I live and work... he hasn't really tried to apologize... he is just giving me space... and I am just giving him space with no end in sight.

Honestly- I just don't see him waking up... I don't think he is capable and that I need to move forward. I am sick of dating a guy that doesn't seem to care about me- or even himself if you really think about it. I miss him like crazy. I am avoiding his side of town because it will make me want to drive by his house and I don't want to know if he is home or if he has a girl over... I feel like I've always care more about him than he has me.

I hope one day he sees someone- I hope one day he grows up... it's hard watching someone you care about destroy themselves.

This weekend is going to suck... it's going to be so hard... I feel annoyed he hasn't tried to drop by my house to speak to me... but I also feel like if I reach out to him everything will just go back to how it was and that wasn't good.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. It's very painful. I am not sure whether you will get back together or not, but it sounds like the 'space' that he pushed you into has you moving mentally into a breakup space. Obviously, there is a lot we don't know about your story, but from what you say, of course, that seems like probably a good thing.

People can be self-destructive in many covert ways. More and more, I think most people have a great deal of difficulty with even the basics of accessing their feelings, being open about them, and listening/ empathizing with the other. (These are not merely self-destructive concerns, but I think they are that.) Unfortunately, growing up, many of us are not given the toolbox for these things, which promote healthier relationships (romantic or not).

Your guy has overtly self-/destructive behaviors, as well. This creates a near-impossible situation. Not just because he gets controlling when drinking, or is generally pissy, but because there is no space for him to really empathize with you. We all make mistakes with each other, but these things can be solved easily with two empathetic people. When at least one is not able to be that way, then a 'little thing' can really blow up (and do so often). (Not that 'little things' are always really little, so they may warrant bigger talks. But not necessarily blow-ups.)

If you do end up somehow staying together, I hope that you will push (kindly, empathetically, sure) to make sure that your needs are met along with meeting his. If he doesn't work on his issues, such as alcohol, many aspects are unlikely to improve. That sucks. Breaking up sucks, too. His behavior right now is probably mostly a function of his internal confusion, pain, and inability to access it all constructively – this creates terrible behavior. I know it will be painful, but of course it's 'not you'.

Sorry to hear this. You can't change or fix him. You can only damage and wear yourself out trying.

You can only fix your problem of choosing this over a healthy relationship with a healthy person. He may be sweet and irresistible but he will always choose drinking over you

Never bother arguing with an alcohol soaked brain..it's a waste of time, every time.

Please read up on being involved with an alcoholic: I've been in a relationship with a guy for a little more than a year. I fight with him a lot about his drinking. ... our last fight just pissed me off so much that I've been able to power through and it's been almost two weeks.

I fight with him a lot about his drinking. He won't ever get help

This is a waste of your time, which you'll never get back to live over again. You can't fix the guy, and sticking around is not an 'investment,' it deprives you of your focus, which you can opt to better spend moving through your grief to reach beyond it. THAT is an investment, because it will advance you to a higher vantage point from which you'll see more clearly. Focus on going there, and don't fault yourself for not simply being there right now.

This weekend is going to suck... it's going to be so hard... I feel annoyed he hasn't tried to drop by my house to speak to me... but I also feel like if I reach out to him everything will just go back to how it was and that wasn't good.

Grief is natural. It takes time and an allowance of discomfort. You DO get to decide how painful it 'must' be. You can opt to sink yourself into a deeper hole to climb out of, or you can make it a goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this.

I find it helpful during my most difficult times to move my focus away from catering to a downward spiral. I force myself to step up for someone else. This gets me out of my own way.

Emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. If I wait until I 'feel like' being generous with my time, I will sink myself. So now I spare myself a heap of unnecessary damage. I devote my time to strengthening bonds with people in my life who I've neglected or misused by dragging their attention into my misery. Instead, I teach family and friends to NOT worry about me by offering my time to their advantage.

I help loved ones with home projects, errands, yard cleanup, meal prep--anything to keep me from sulking. I focus on making good memories for THEM while I'm incapable of enjoying much myself. This is actually a gift to ME, because it helps me to feel valued and appreciated. It pulls me out of rumination and mind drilling, and it aids me to create new goals, new interests, new friendships.

Focus on coping and soothing behaviors you'll be proud of in hindsight, and this will take you to higher ground. You will thank yourself later.

Head high.