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Should I reach out to him after he disappeared?


vitacoco

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I went on handful of dates with a guy, and after our last date I decided not to initiate any more (it was like 50% me before) and see what he does. Now I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks. Our last date ended nicely as usual.

 

Should I even bother reaching out to see why he disappeared?

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Sorry to hear this. Even when dates go well, people are often multi-dating and move on. You could send a friendly text but do not ask why he disappeared.

I went on handful of dates with a guy, and after our last date I decided not to initiate any more and see what he does. Now I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks.
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How did you part? Were you supposed to contact him or respond to him about something and never did? If so, then yes he probably thought you weren't interested and moved on.

 

If you just had a nice date and parted ways and he never bothered to contact you again, he was not that into you. It's been three weeks - in early dating terms it's the equivalent of a few centuries. This is done, finished and buried and you would look incredibly desperate and pathetic to try and reach out again after such a long time. Early on, he doesn't owe you any explanations either about not wanting another date. You weren't in a relationship. You don't want another date, you don't set one up and that's that.

 

When a guy is interested in you, you can rest assured he will be contacting you within a day or two.

 

Honestly, back when I was dating, after three weeks I wouldn't even remember his name, let alone be interested in giving things another shot.

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Unless the last date ended with you explicitly saying, "don't contact me, I'll contact you." I would go with...he's not that interested. I mean, even if he liked you but was hesitant to contact you because he wasn't sure if you liked him, he'd most likely contact you at least once after the date.

 

No contact means no interest.

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I went on handful of dates with a guy, and after our last date I decided not to initiate any more (it was like 50% me before) and see what he does. Now I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks. Our last date ended nicely as usual.

 

Should I even bother reaching out to see why he disappeared?

 

As all of the other posters have said, even if he perhaps thought you weren't interested, he would have at least still contacted you 1-2X during this time. No contact is a complete indication of disinterest. I would not contact him at all and forget about him. If he contacts you, great, but don't initiate.

 

Good luck!

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This happened to me once (or twice) and what I've done is (assuming I am interested), after about three days, I shoot him a quick text, something light and fun.

 

They've always texted back and we'd continue dating. In one case, long term even (years).

 

Sometimes I think men (not all but some) intentionally wait, just to see if the woman is interested enough to step up.

 

Yeah it's a game, I suppose we all have some sort of game to assure the other person is interested.

 

OP, you could still do that, shoot him a text, DON'T ask him why he disappeared (kiss of death), just something light and fun, you miss chatting, whatever.

 

Nothing heavy, make it light and casual.

 

That's what I did and it always worked out. I never waited three weeks though! So that may make a difference but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

 

IF he doesn't respond to that, then you know for sure he is just not interested and you can move on.

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Three weeks? Yeah, he's not interested. Nobody's life is that busy/crazy/ooops I lost my phone and can't figure out any other technology by which to contact someone I'm interested in.

 

Sorry, he's dating someone else. I mean, when I was dating I would give people the benefit and after a couple of days I'd call them (I hate texting, I wouldn't do it) to see how they were and judge more interest. No response, nope I left it alone and then after a couple of weeks I'd just block and delete them and move on. Even if they came back around I couldn't trust they wouldn't do it again, and I hate being stood up/ignored/ghosted anyways.

 

I'm sorry, I know it sucks.

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Yeah it's probably more likely than not he lost interest, however it is NOT uncommon for men to shyt test women (just like they accuse us of doing), especially if he's unsure about YOUR interest.

 

Both genders do it.

 

I have been shyt tested and have shyt tested myself. It's a real thing.

 

Not everything is so black and white (like he hasn't called so he's definitely not interested.)

 

The early stages of dating are chock full of variances and nuances; things are NOT always as they "appear" to be.

 

I say if you like him, shoot him a light fun text. What do you have to lose?

 

If he ignores or replies with something meh, then you will know for sure.

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