Jump to content

What should I do about my controlling parents?


beachlover96

Recommended Posts

I am 20, still living with my parents and they control my life. They won't allow me to online date but I do it anyway. They check my phone every day to see if I have dating apps on my phone like Tinder and if they see it on my phone, they take away the app store on my phone when they see Tinder on my phone so I can't re download Tinder on my phone. They pay for the phone but I'm saving my money to buy a new phone. They won't allow me to go out with guys that I meet off of Tinder but I'm on Tinder to find a relationship and my parents need to understand that. Is it wrong of them to not allow me to use Tinder? I really want to use it but my parents don't allow it. What should I do about this? Are my parents wrong for doing this when I'm an adult?

Link to comment

As much as it sucks they are paying for your phone and your life. Once you pay for your own life you can do whatever you want. You are legally an adult but as long as you live with your folks and they rule your choices you aren't really an adult you are their kid and it's unfortunate that they want to control you to this extent but it's their choice.

Link to comment

Tinder is a hook up site , everybody knows it and I guess your parents do as well .. I think it is a dangerous place to meet men . I do think it is a huge invasion of you privacy checking your phone though when you are 20 yrs old ...but they pay for it ... this has so many angles doesn't it .. They need to realise they cannot control you because you live under their roof , they must be happy and willing to support you still so with that they have to accept your are a 20 yr old . But you will never win this because they are still keeping you .

Link to comment

Can you get a job and pay for some of your own expenses like phones, etc.? Sounds like they keep a tight leash on you and you rebel, very typical over-control/counter-control dynamic.

 

Try other mainstream dating sites. Would they be ok with Match or eHarmony? Do they think Tinder is a hookup site? Or are they scheduling you for arranged dating and marriage?

 

What about meeting people in real life through college or groups, or interests or sports or volunteering.

I am 20, still living with my parents and they control my life. They won't allow me to online date but I do it anyway. They pay for the phone but I'm saving my money to buy a new phone.
Link to comment
Can you get a job and pay for some of your own expenses like phones, etc.? Sounds like they keep a tight leash on you and you rebel, very typical over-control/counter-control dynamic.

 

Try other mainstream dating sites. Would they be ok with Match or eHarmony? Do they think Tinder is a hookup site? Or are they scheduling you for arranged dating and marriage?

 

What about meeting people in real life through college or groups, or interests or sports or volunteering.

 

I can get a job and pay for my own expenses. I wouldn't use any dating apps that I would have to pay for and yes my parents do think that it's a hookup app. I can also meet people in person as well.

Link to comment
I am 20, still living with my parents and they control my life. They won't allow me to online date but I do it anyway. They check my phone every day to see if I have dating apps on my phone like Tinder and if they see it on my phone, they take away the app store on my phone when they see Tinder on my phone so I can't re download Tinder on my phone. They pay for the phone but I'm saving my money to buy a new phone. They won't allow me to go out with guys that I meet off of Tinder but I'm on Tinder to find a relationship and my parents need to understand that. Is it wrong of them to not allow me to use Tinder? I really want to use it but my parents don't allow it. What should I do about this? Are my parents wrong for doing this when I'm an adult?

 

No they aren't wrong for doing this. And no they do not consider you an adult, despite what the dictionary defines an adult as. As a parent I absolutely agree with them. There's zero need to defend their side if they still provide for you shelter, food, and amenities. Adults grow up and work with the environment they're put in until they can get out of it and into a better situation. You're focused on the trivial details. However stupid their rules are.

 

At 20, the only thing you can't do in the US (assuming this is where you live?) is walk into a bar and drink. Everything else, you're free to do what you want, how you want, and get what you want. But YOU must do it. YOU can't turn to someone else and say "gimme gimme" or "can I have." Rules are rules in your parent's house, and unless you're being abused, you follow those rules and continue working on what you need to in order to get out of their place and download Tinder, Grindr, POF, OKC, Hot or Not, Hinge, Match, DragonFruit, Sapio, Bumble, Happn, Siren, or any other app your heart desires. Keep saving and building up. Work on making yourself more independent by getting your own place and transportation, and phone... Then do like the rest of us adults and wonder why we wanted to grow up so fast to have our own things and do what we want, and would trade no bills/responsibilities with having a free phone and living at home any day

Link to comment

From your previous threads it sounds like you have been going on dates and hooking up wth different guys...so they are "letting you"? Also from previous threads it sounds like youve associated with pretty slimy guys. Maybe they're concerned, and rightfully so, who's meeting up with you and you being taken advantage of?

 

You contradict yourself a lot in threads, do you want a relationship or just hookups? It seems like you're desperate for male attention. I also feel like something is missing from your posts...

Link to comment
No they aren't wrong for doing this. And no they do not consider you an adult, despite what the dictionary defines an adult as. As a parent I absolutely agree with them. There's zero need to defend their side if they still provide for you shelter, food, and amenities. Adults grow up and work with the environment they're put in until they can get out of it and into a better situation. You're focused on the trivial details. However stupid their rules are.

 

...Keep saving and building up. Work on making yourself more independent by getting your own place and transportation, and phone... Then do like the rest of us adults and wonder why we wanted to grow up so fast to have our own things and do what we want, and would trade no bills/responsibilities with having a free phone and living at home any day

 

Basically, your parents are saying while you are living under OUR roof, using OUR internet, and making calls on OUR phone, we get to overrule actions we feel can be detrimental to you.

Link to comment
From your previous threads it sounds like you have been going on dates and hooking up wth different guys...so they are "letting you"? Also from previous threads it sounds like youve associated with pretty slimy guys. Maybe they're concerned, and rightfully so, who's meeting up with you and you being taken advantage of?

 

You contradict yourself a lot in threads, do you want a relationship or just hookups? It seems like you're desperate for male attention. I also feel like something is missing from your posts...

 

I want a relationship.

Link to comment
I can get a job and pay for my own expenses. I wouldn't use any dating apps that I would have to pay for and yes my parents do think that it's a hookup app. I can also meet people in person as well.

 

At age 20 my parents let me go away for a weekend with my boyfriend (we were sexual but not having sex -we were both fine with waiting) - I lived at home and was in school full time and working part time. I absolutely assumed I needed their permission since I lived under their roof. I think my boyfriend, who was older, paid for most of it. I agree with your parents and if you want this kind of flexibility/freedom then let that motivate you to get a job. Or if it's important for you to go to/finish college and they'll pay for that/let you live at home, then do that and follow their rules. Tinder is typically not a way to find a relationship.

Link to comment
Adults grow up and work with the environment they're put in until they can get out of it and into a better situation. You're focused on the trivial details. However stupid their rules are.

 

Yep, ^this. Adolescence isn't over at age 18, it runs through early 20's, and you're proving that point by bucking your parents' restrictions rather than adopting the patience and focus to earn your way out of them.

 

Are you still in school? If so, your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus. Since you've paid for it already, why not use it to learn how to adopt a more independent focus and address your 'need' to misuse a hookup site in hopes of landing a relationship? If you feel that needy, work with someone who's trained to help you feel more valuable and adopt HEALTHY ways of seeking work options, new friends and eventually, a lover who is healthy, himself, and is only interested in someone who respects herself enough to avoid hookups.

 

Head high, and ditch rescue fantasies. Tinder is no way to meet some prince who will take you away from your parents.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...