Boyfriend going on a contiki tour

My boyfriend who has been in Europe so far for 6 weeks with family is now departing on his own for 2 and a half weeks to do a contiki tour. I have heard bad things about these tours and am anxious and worried about him hooking up etc with other girls.

Has anyone been on these in relationships?

Thanks

There's not much you can do about it. You either trust him, or you don't. Has he ever given you reason not to trust him?

A guy (or girl) doesn't have to travel across the world to hook up with someone else.

If you trust your boyfriend, you should have nothing to worry about. If he's done something to breach that, then perhaps ya'll need to have a sit down.

He doesn't have to travel on group tours to hookup, if that's what he's after. Why are you worried? How long have you been dating?

My boyfriend who has been in Europe so far for 6 weeks with family is now departing on his own for 2 and a half weeks to do a contiki tour. I have heard bad things about these tours and am anxious and worried about him hooking up etc with other girls.

I've done several contiki tours myself. It really depends on the tour group and obviously, the individuals involved. People who want to cheat will cheat, and people who want to be faithful will be faithful. I've gone on very party-centric contiki tours and other tours were much more sober and friendly with no overt romance going on (though one couple did quietly get together and got married!) Do you trust your bf?

We have been dating for a bit over a year. I find it hard to trust him because things he sees no problem with will bother me sometimes and I guess That is because I am a jealous and needy person. I feel like he will get a bit of attention from other girls and perhaps be a bit flirty himself because he naturally is, and that worries. He also isn't the lovey Dovey message type so I don't get and reassurance really on the whole situation.

I guess the main concern is that there is a lot of alcohol and partying on these such tours and perhaps that increases the likelyness to do such things...

Jealousy and neediness are terrible qualities for a person to have. Either you trust him or you dont. You will chase him away if you cant get your emotions under control.

If you trust this man, you should have nothing to worry about!

We have been dating for a bit over a year. I find it hard to trust him because things he sees no problem with will bother me sometimes and I guess That is because I am a jealous and needy person. I feel like he will get a bit of attention from other girls and perhaps be a bit flirty himself because he naturally is, and that worries. He also isn't the lovey Dovey message type so I don't get and reassurance really on the whole situation.

I guess the main concern is that there is a lot of alcohol and partying on these such tours and perhaps that increases the likelyness to do such things...

Also, in what situations, can you give examples of him flirting with others girls?

I've just read so many stories about boyfriends who have cheated on contiki tours and I don't know wether to bring anything up in conversation because I don't want to come across as needy or jealous but I'm so worried, and also the worry of never truely knowing if he did or didn't.

People who want to cheat will do so regardless. People who want to be faithful will remain faithful.

You wouldn't know it if he's around the corner. Having fun is different than cheating. Are you jealous he's going on the trip having fun and you can't go?

What if you went on holiday without him, would you want him to trust you or be clingy and possessive? Which is more attractive and confident?

also the worry of never truely knowing if he did or didn't.

I guess that is true but I feel if he had cheated here I would definately find out about it it scares me that he could do it and never tell me but just distance himself from me.

Yes from that point of veiw I can understand that it isn't attractive to act possessive and needy but when I get about 4 blunt messages a day during his contiki I don't know if he's just busy or ignoring me. I would not mind at all if I got some messages of reassurance but that is the point I don't get anything like that is more a few blunt replies a day.

I'm starting to think this isn't fair on me and I don't know if I am being irrational but I feel if a man cared he would put in the effort to reply as I can tell he is online on facebook yet doesn't reply to my messages in another app.

I don't want to bring it up and sound needy but I don't want to keep going like this. He is on his contiki for about 6 more days and I don't know if I can just stick it out if I feel like this

You need to slow your roll. He has a time difference and he's having the adventure of a lifetime. A few messages is still pretty good IMO.

But the thing is I could respect that he is too busy having fun etc to talk to me if I didn't see him as "active" and "online" on Facebook often. So it seems he is making effort to communicate with someone and it isn't me. Also he has allready been in Europe for 7 weeks and use to call me every night for atleast an hour and be really good about telling me about what he did etc. then for two weeks was with family and calls were maybe once a week which was understandable and he still communicated with me which was good and now he is on his contiki tour communication is lucky to be 4 messages a day and really insignificant messages like oh the club was . I hate the idea of him hanging around and getting drunk with other girls his age on a contiki tour but I try to stay positive and don't say anything but when I get about 4 messages in a day (and our hours mix pretty well to be able to talk for quite a while) and those messages are mindless crap and nothing like him telling me what he did that day and a simple "miss you" or "love you" it makes me feel like all this group of new people he is getting drunk with everyday is changing him and also he is losing sight of me back home with 2 weeks left a part till he comes home after sticking out 7

I feel as if I've given him the benefit of the doubt and ignored things I thought as being red flags and he never gave me it and I'm starting to believe I shouldn't any longer

Do I arrise the issue with him? I feel I am being weak by just putting up with less and less communication and not saying anything.

I don't want to accuse him of things if I arise the issue because I don't want to sound desperate and needy I think I just need to have him understand he could lose me if he doesn't improve his behaviour as I feel taken for granted

If you sense he's pulling away from you and losing interest, confronting him while he's on holiday will put the nail in the coffin.

The truth is that it sounds like he is off having fun and not all that bothered about talking to you. I have to wonder if he senses your jealousy and neediness in previous conversations and is intentionally putting distance between you so he can avoid dealing with it. That is not to say he is cheating on you or couldn't be more supportive and attentive, but he's doing what he wants and at the moment it includes going out and enjoying his holidays. You should never need to campaign for someone's attention, though. If you feel compelled to do so, you might want to re-evaluate his overall investment in the relationship.

I would not go badgering him about these tours, because that will look desperate. It also wouldn't prevent him from cheating, if he's already headed in that direction. If he's not, then will likely appreciate that you gave him space and didn't hound him. If he cheats, then honestly, there's not a lot you can do about it. You are by no means obligated to say with someone you don't trust - and it's pretty clear that you don't - so you can either chalk it up to your own insecurities or decide that he is crossing a line and make your exit.

I agree, don't raise the issue while he's on vacation. That won't do you any favors. How attentive is he typically?

I somewhat brought it up last night and now am feeling guilty. How much space do I give him? I don't want to fade out of the picture but yet again don't want him to feel I'm smothering him. Or do I stay attentive to him? What's the best thing I can do now

I agree, don't raise the issue while he's on vacation. That won't do you any favors. How attentive is he typically?

Typically when he's been at home he has usually been the one more clingy to me but when he left it dawned on me and roles reversed. He is typically much more attentive than he has been since on this tour. He has over the 7 weeks told me a couple of times that he missed me but I wasn't sure if it was forced because I may have been slightly smothering but I definately pulled back on that till now when I became worried about him on a contiki tour. He also about a week ago bought up that we should go travelling together which I took as a really good sign that he is still interested but then again I get all these mixed messages, some things which I see as red flags and then some things he says which I don't think he would say if he didn't miss or love me.

What issue? That you want him to continually interrupt his holiday to text with you or that you don't trust him having fun?

What effect do you think it will have lecturing and nagging him while he's on holiday? Will he text you more? Will it prevent flirting? Will he dump you for being clingy when he gets back? Will he ignore you and just carry on? Will he rebel being on your leash and cheat for the heck of it?

If it seems 'desperate and needy'...it probably is.

Do I arrise the issue with him? I feel I am being weak by just putting up with less and less communication and not saying anything. I don't want to accuse him of things if I arise the issue because I don't want to sound desperate and needy

But the thing is I could respect that he is too busy having fun etc to talk to me if I didn't see him as "active" and "online" on Facebook often. So it seems he is making effort to communicate with someone and it isn't me. Also he has allready been in Europe for 7 weeks and use to call me every night for atleast an hour and be really good about telling me about what he did etc. then for two weeks was with family and calls were maybe once a week which was understandable and he still communicated with me which was good and now he is on his contiki tour communication is lucky to be 4 messages a day and really insignificant messages like oh the club was . I hate the idea of him hanging around and getting drunk with other girls his age on a contiki tour but I try to stay positive and don't say anything but when I get about 4 messages in a day (and our hours mix pretty well to be able to talk for quite a while) and those messages are mindless crap and nothing like him telling me what he did that day and a simple "miss you" or "love you" it makes me feel like all this group of new people he is getting drunk with everyday is changing him and also he is losing sight of me back home with 2 weeks left a part till he comes home after sticking out 7

It shows I am "online" on Facebook when I am actually not - it is because i have the App on my phone and it keeps updating and pining in the background. So therefore - it shows I am active.

So stop analyzing it.

My dad would go on fishing trips for 2 weeks way up north and mom would only hear from him once or maybe twice. There were no cell phones - but in your guy's case, keep in mind that depending on the carrier in the area, international calling and roaming could be VERY PRICEY and in some case, you have to get some sort of a different chip for your phone to work on the network.

You can't have told him "bye honey, Have a good time" and then wait for him to come back and give him a peace of your mind. He is not losing sight of you - he knows the date he will be back in your arms.

It shows I am "online" on Facebook when I am actually not - it is because i have the App on my phone and it keeps updating and pining in the background. So therefore - it shows I am active.

 

So stop analyzing it.

 

My dad would go on fishing trips for 2 weeks way up north and mom would only hear from him once or maybe twice. There were no cell phones - but in your guy's case, keep in mind that depending on the carrier in the area, international calling and roaming could be VERY PRICEY and in some case, you have to get some sort of a different chip for your phone to work on the network.

 

You can't have told him "bye honey, Have a good time" and then wait for him to come back and give him a peace of your mind. He is not losing sight of you - he knows the date he will be back in your arms.

That is a good point - some of these apps can show that you are "active" even if you are really not. Heck, even right now, my coworker left his phone in my office (he had to run to a meeting and forgot to bring his phone) and now I see his wife has texted several times in a row (probably wondering why he isn't responding).