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Thread: I'm a prisoner.

  1. #1
    AikoTanaka

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    I'm a prisoner.

    Hello everyone, I'm a young mother. Very capable of doing things on my own however, my family was struggling at home financially. So I moved in to help my mother and father. The agreement was that they would watch my child while I worked ( 9-6 Monday to Friday) and all I had to do was pay rent. So I thought sweet I get to be back home with my family. However things didn't turn out like I thought.. it's been a year since I moved in and I'm hardly ever able to leave my house other then to go to work. In case you're wondering yes when I get home from work all my time is spent with my son. But sometimes I'd like to go out, for coffee with friends or shopping. However I get a lecture for being gone all the time and I'm being told I'm a horrible mother. Things have gotten so bad I feel depressed and I dread coming back home after work. I know if I left they'd be struggling again.. I just don't know what to do. I just want to throw in the towel.. what should I do? I'm afraid of losing my family again but I also want to be free.

  2. #2
    Wiseman2
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    Sorry to hear this. Can you offer to pay them extra to babysit evenings/weekend if you go out?

    Also spend some quality time with them here and there.

    It seems there is some bilateral resentment building up that needs to be effectively communicated and addressed.
    Quote Originally Posted by AikoTanaka [Register to see the link]
    my family was struggling at home financially.The agreement was that they would watch my child while I worked ( 9-6 Monday to Friday). But sometimes I'd like to go out, for coffee with friends or shopping.

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  4. #3
    Almira23
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    You are an adult and you have a child. I think the best thing for you to do is to move out. Since you are not financially secure, I would look into any type of welfare assistance that you qualify for. I am not sure what kind of laws your country has pertaining to welfare, but in the United States, a struggling mother can get food stamps, free health care, and rental assistance.
    Do you have any cousins or siblings, who can provide you with a place to stay for a bit until you get yourself situated?
    Yes, you are a mother. However, that does not automatically mean that you can no longer do simple things, like coffee or shopping to escape the stress.
    Family is important, but you should value your happiness and not remain in a situation where you are unhappy.
    If you choose to move out then make sure to speak with your parents about this, so they know beforehand.

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    j.man
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    So you expect your parents to watch your kids for 9 hours daily and then keep watching them so you can go out? I'd count yourself thankful for what you've got. Hire a sitter, get involved with a circle of moms so you can scratch each others' backs so that someone else can watch your kids during extracurriculars. Or, as suggested, offer to pay them a sitter's wage for the extra time if they're financially struggling.

    I'd suspect you're skewing it just a bit when you make it about moving in to help your parents. Is the rent you pay market rate or less? Are you saving money with them looking after the kids for the entire day rather than taking them to daycare or hiring a sitter? If your situation isn't financially advantageous, move out and procure your own freedom.

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    JaggerJim
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    You need to let them know if they can't be supportive of you, while you are helping them out, then you will leave. Going out for a coffee does not make you a terrible mother. Sounds like they are scared you will meet someone and leave them, but this was not a long term arrangement so they will have to get used to the idea of you moving out at some point.

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  10. #6
    AikoTanaka

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    I guess I should have explained my situation here abit better, you see my father is a lazy ass who hasn't had a job in a year since I moved in. and my mother is also working but only part time so, I'm helping with rent and groceries for everyone in the house. You see they told me I'd never need a daycare since I can't afford it with everything I pay here, so they said they would watch him. I don't see the big deal in going out once every two weeks.

  11. #7
    JaggerJim
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    Your entitled to go out for coffee, have friends, and even have a boyfriend. It's your life. Don't waste it.

  12. #8
    j.man
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    Again, if it's really a better deal for you financially to be on your own, then move out, pay for the daycare every workday, pay for a sitter while you go out, and, if you feel so obligated to help, forward your parents all the money you're saving not being in their house.

    I'm really having a hard time believing this is all just you extending one big favor to your parents.

  13. #9
    abitbroken
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    Your parents watch your child all day long. I think if you want evenings out, you ask your sister or friend or someone trusted with similar aged children if they would watch your child at their place for a couple hours maybe every other week, or you go to one of the many places that have cropped up that have a play place for the kids and a coffee bar for the adults and meet one of your girlfriends there. There are also book groups you can join or dinner groups where the kids are watched in the family room or basement by the teenage or older kids of the host and you rotate who hosts.

    If you want your parents to watch your child at night, then maybe based on the child's age, you enroll them in a twice a week preschool or a learning based better daycare once a week or twice a week and then have your folks watch your child one night a week.

    Or maybe until your child is old enough to be in full day school or you are better on your feet you just accept that you are a single mom and its all about your kid right now and you'll be able to go out more as your child grows.

    Your parents deserve a social life, friends, and other pursuits. They deserve to be off when you are home and should not raise your child. They are helping immensely by watching your child while you are at work, but they don't want to raise your child

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  15. #10
    abitbroken
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    Quote Originally Posted by AikoTanaka [Register to see the link]
    I guess I should have explained my situation here abit better, you see my father is a lazy ass who hasn't had a job in a year since I moved in. and my mother is also working but only part time so, I'm helping with rent and groceries for everyone in the house. You see they told me I'd never need a daycare since I can't afford it with everything I pay here, so they said they would watch him. I don't see the big deal in going out once every two weeks.

    You should absolutely pay for groceries. You are living there and your parents are watching your child 40 hours a week. If the deal was when you moved in, you would pay a share of the rent, but have a built in babysitter, than that is the deal. Your mother can't exactly work full time if she is watching your child, right?? If you don't like the arrangement, move out. I know that's not what you want to hear, but its fairly simple.

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