New girl same problems"

Past year or so I've been on my fair share of dates, some a success, some not, none that have been exceptional, until last Thursday.

A friend from my new job set me up with his sister after I complimented her in a picture, added each other on Facebook and within 2 days of chatting went on a date. Got on like a house on fire.

Arranged to do something when next free, she has a friend from Australia with her this week so said couldn't do anything this week but suggested doing something a few days later. Sunday we went on a 2nd date, had another great time and I decided from my side this girl was definitely one to pursue, feedback I got from her was good, up for a 3rd date, messaged to say she is glad we got to see each other again rather than leaving it a whole week. All good.

Same problems with me creep back, over think too much, literally think about the situation all day, what I'm to do, what I'm to say, does she like me, if not why not, why hasn't she text etc.

With girls I'm not so sure about I'm fine, happy go lucky attitude but I hate feeling like this. I've been here before and I'm not a fan of it.

Right now I'm worried why she doesn't initiate texts, but then calm myself by thinking that she always replies and doesn't leave it hours.

Arghhhh someone please give me a new brain!

Relax, it sounds like it's going great. Don't over-text and just look forward to the next date and keep the momentum going.

Arghhhh someone please give me a new brain!

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That's what I'm trying to do. What is the not over texting/calling? Is it ok to leave a couple of days inbetween to talk?

Yes, do that, but you know volley the texts.

That's what I'm trying to do. What is the not over texting/calling? Is it ok to leave a couple of days inbetween to talk?

On date 3, just casually let her know it would be nice if she initiated some texts too.

As I said once I text she replies really quick and conversation flows good and lasts for the rest of the evening. Just a shame she's busy this week really as nothing beats actually meeting up.

Is date 3 a good date for a kiss?

Play it by ear. Don't just lunge in, however throughout the night use physical touch first, holding hands, put your arm around her, etc...wait for the right moment. If she's busy with visitors this week just be friendly, confident and relax when you see her.

Is date 3 a good date for a kiss?

As I said once I text she replies really quick and conversation flows good and lasts for the rest of the evening.

This could answer why she doesn't initiate texts--it leads to an all evening marathon, so she waits until the right time for that, but you've already initiated. I'd curb the all-evening stuff. Otherwise, all seems good, don't overthink it.

Very true. But that's my issue I know I'm over thinking it but can't stop myself.

I have hobbies and kept myself busy past 2 evenings but it's still on my mind.

What are good techniques to chilling the hell down?

Very true. But that's my issue I know I'm over thinking it but can't stop myself.

 

I have hobbies and kept myself busy past 2 evenings but it's still on my mind.

 

What are good techniques to chilling the hell down?

Decide that if it's a meant-to-be deal, it will all click into place easily. If it's not meant to be, then all the contortions in the world won't change that.

Relax into Who You Are, and don't be afraid to show that person to anyone. It's your best screening device. We each deserve to find someone who owns the vision to see us through the right lens. Most people will not. That speaks of their limits rather than of any deficiency in you.

I find it helpful to think of all singles as walking around with a puzzle piece that they're trying to match with someone else's. Either it fits, or it doesn't. If not, some people try to force a fit, and that buys a lot of misery without changing the mismatch. So let your fit with one another reveal itself without trying to effect outcomes beyond doing your part to enjoy the process.

Head high, and breathe.

this is probably a life long journey. sounds like you have some scarcity stories about women which trigger whenever you meet someone you "really like". i recommend some of brene browns work, specifically "rising strong". i think she has some very positive ways for how to recognize and discharge those stories when they occur in that book.

one thing that's worked for me also is: is there some area of your life where you feel more abundant? maybe family or friendships or career. literally apply what you do there to your romantic life. in my case i feel much more abundant in my career so i've started thinking of analogies where if "girls name LLC" did such and such thing, how would i react in my career and what would i do. i find it leads me to much clearer thinking.

but i agree it sounds like it's going well. don't listen to your stories!

this is probably a life long journey. sounds like you have some scarcity stories about women which trigger whenever you meet someone you "really like". i recommend some of brene browns work, specifically "rising strong". i think she has some very positive ways for how to recognize and discharge those stories when they occur in that book.

 

one thing that's worked for me also is: is there some area of your life where you feel more abundant? maybe family or friendships or career. literally apply what you do there to your romantic life. in my case i feel much more abundant in my career so i've started thinking of analogies where if "girls name LLC" did such and such thing, how would i react in my career and what would i do. i find it leads me to much clearer thinking.

 

but i agree it sounds like it's going well. don't listen to your stories!

This is great advice. It's true that wherever we're successful, we don't impose mind spins on ourselves to question another's perceptions of us--we just operate as competent, friendly people. So narrow your questioning down to, "If I just said or did that with a [coworker, client, classmate or family member] would I feel so insecure about how they view me?"

Thanks everyone for the advice here, I'll have a look later about the literature recommended.

I feel a lot better past few days, been able to take my mind off it a bit more and tell myself how silly I'm being.

Things that have happened to me In Last relationships are 100% making me feel like this without a doubt.

We have our next date lined up for Wednesday, which I'm looking forward to. I still have slight concerns that it's always me initiating conversation, once started though she's always quick to reply and very chatty.

Not sure why someone would be like that?

I still have slight concerns that it's always me initiating conversation, once started though she's always quick to reply and very chatty.

 

Not sure why someone would be like that?

If she's chatty, she's interested. She might hold old fashioned notions about allowing the guy to be the pursuer. Don't sweat it.

If she's chatty, she's interested. She might hold old fashioned notions about allowing the guy to be the pursuer. Don't sweat it.

Freakish enough 2 minutes after posting she initiated a text for the first time I think, and what do you know she's done the same today.

Past experiences really have sent my mind out of control .

So strange reading this back, she's now my girlfriend and we are in love. My gut feeling was right about her

Excellent. Did all the advice here help at all?

So strange reading this back, she's now my girlfriend and we are in love. My gut feeling was right about her

If she's chatty, she's interested. She might hold old fashioned notions about allowing the guy to be the pursuer. Don't sweat it.

Yeah I am like that, esp if the guy has been initiating text with me then I just let him continue until things are more solid like after three dates.