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Thread: Being Taken Advantage of, or all in my Mind?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by notalady
    Yea I agree, I'd be put off by the way you approached it too if I was your bf, not because you denied him granola bars but because it seems so petty and passive aggressive (passive aggressive seems to be a common theme with you from what I read of your past posts). It seems that you have trouble speaking up when needed and taking a more diplomatic approach, rather, save it all up and have an outburst like that.

    It could've been a simple and respectful conversation instead of antagonising him for wanting a few silly granola bars (remember he's not realising you've saved up these resentment and he thinks you're just being petty over a few granola bars, bad look on you.)
    Ugh. Now I'm wondering if an apology is warranted. Instead of apologizing, I'd rather just learn how to deal with avoiding these negative thoughts. It seems like I let their behavior slide one too many times hoping it won't happen again, and then it happens again and it pisses me off and I say a short mean rant.

  2. #22
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    Only you can answer this, but I'm guessing this isn't really about the pens. My guess is that if you're getting this upset about pens, there's a bit more to it than that - and it might be useful to have a look at that bit.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member journeynow's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Naomi99
    Why am I the only one here that thinks taking something off someone's desk is stealing? I don't care if it's .10 cent pen or a $150 fountain pen.
    I never said you could have it, but you took it off my desk because you "saw" I had a ton and you felt entitled to it.

    That's wrong. There is nothing right about it. It belongs to me and no one else. Sure you can use it, but conscientiously and knowingly placing it in your purse or your pocket is stealing, esp. since it's a cute pen.
    I have no idea why people would take pens from another person's house. It has never come up for me. I wouldn't miss pens if they where taken from the desk by the door, they are all cheap pens that I have too many of. My good pens for drawing I keep stored away out of sight on their sides so they don't clog or dry. And so my cats don't play with them and knock them into mystery-land.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Does he reciprocate with meals out?
    Interesting question as well. Not that anyone's entitled to help themselves just because they treat their partners to meals, but it grabbing the odd pen or taking a few granola bars could be the guy's way of seeing things more equitably between the two of you, assuming it does end up he's treating you more often than not.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Naomi99
    Ugh. Now I'm wondering if an apology is warranted. Instead of apologizing, I'd rather just learn how to deal with avoiding these negative thoughts. It seems like I let their behavior slide one too many times hoping it won't happen again, and then it happens again and it pisses me off and I say a short mean rant.
    No apology necessary, but proper explanation as to your reasoning and agree on a solution with him is needed.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member journeynow's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nutbrownhare
    He sulked. You set a boundary, and instead of accepting it, he sulked. This is the behaviour of a petulant little boy.
    Or someone who got burned and doesn't know how to handle it?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Naomi99
    Ugh. Now I'm wondering if an apology is warranted. Instead of apologizing, I'd rather just learn how to deal with avoiding these negative thoughts. It seems like I let their behavior slide one too many times hoping it won't happen again, and then it happens again and it pisses me off and I say a short mean rant.
    Why not kill two birds with one stone? It's absolutely fine to apologize for an over-reaction while explaining the logical source it came from. "Hey, I'm sorry I was kind of an ass the other day with the granola bars. I just needed them for the week and when you asked for half the box, I kinda went jack@$$ mode. I'm perfectly fine with you asking and taking one to work for lunch if you need one."

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Naomi99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Roommates used to love me because I'd eat their ****. I'd drink a can of their pop during the day and they'd have two liters of whatever it was waiting for them when they got home.
    This is my style too. If I take or borrow something form someone, I give back twofold. He rarely replenishes. Neither do my GFs. She's never brought any type of beverage to my house even though she comes here once a week. I tend not to arrive at someone's house empty-handed, but that's just me.

    Originally Posted by j.man
    But it sounds like you're talking about some cheaper, menial stuff. Lay some ground rules in a polite but straight forward way. I could never see myself getting particularly upset over $2.00 of something regardless of the inconvenience.
    Trust me, I think the stuff has added up to hundreds of dollars worth of tea/pens/food/fruit whatever the hell. Not $2.00.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member notalady's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Naomi99
    They "think" they reciprocate but not really. I mean, I think my BF has eaten so much of my food, it's insane how many times he's left me with an empty fridge. My food is super freaking expensive too. Organic walnuts are $15 a pound. All of my diary is Clover and my yogurts are 2.50 a container. Gone, gone and gone.

    And then his idea of "replenishing" is buying me a boxed salad from Trader Joe's.

    And of course he wants my power bars. They're the best ones with the most protein and least amount of sugar. He buys the cheap ones.

    Okay, this is irritating me just thinking about it. Help me quit with this bad attitude I have.
    If he's at your place so much and eating so much of your food, you need to have a conversation about contributing towards groceries (much like you would if you lived together).

    I am too curious though, as to how much / how often he spend on your meals out and other entertainment expenses?

  11. #30
    Platinum Member journeynow's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by notalady
    No apology necessary, but proper explanation as to your reasoning and agree on a solution with him is needed.
    I agree. I don't think you need to apologize. But sure, you can explain if you feel it would clear the air.

    People have different styles. Me, I don't like to run out of basics, so stock up before they run out. My ex, when we were together, was not like that. If basics were running low it was not an issue. For him, the time to think about getting more would be after it runs out. He's that way about most things. (AND he's an adventurous and spontaneous person in general.)

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