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Thread: New relationship & then the one i truly want comes clean...help

  1. #1

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    New relationship & then the one i truly want comes clean...help

    Help im lost now torn between my heart & my head! For 16yrs i have been friends with this guy, best friends & yes it has on numerous times been physical & we have shared so many special times together, the trouble is we were both with other people & i had two children with my soon to be ex husband.

    This summer this guy became single, his marriage broke down, his business collapsed & he was a mess, i helped him & our relationship became physical again, i have loved him for a long long time, 16yrs if im honest & i have told him this, but he always pushed me away saying things like "He wasnt sure if he would be ready for a relationship" etc. This broke my heart but still i stuck around because i knew what a mess he was & i wanted to help him.

    Then through work i met a guy who had rescued me when my car broke down on the way to work, he was married at the time & he asked me out but i refused. Then over christmas he got back in touch as he was now single, & asked me for coffee, i went along but it broke my heart as it felt like i was cheating on this other guy, they one i love. However when i told him this he said i shouldnt be daft as hes not my keeper etc. It broke my heart & i thought well im never going to get who i want so i went on a few more dates & over Christmas i got together with this other guy. Only now the original guy i want has come clean to me, admitting he loves me, wants a full relationship with me & that he only pushed me away because he was jealous that i had gone for coffee & that i thought because of his situation that he had nothing to offer me other than hassle, debt & a broken mind.

    I know all of his family & we get on really well, he & my two kids get on like a house on fire especially my 2yr old boy, but now im with this other guy & he has done nothing wrong but be honest with me as i have about him (including how i feel about this other guy & that i want to remain friends with him) he also gets on with my kids really well, has put a deposit down on a holiday, helped me so much to keep motivated in my weight loss etc but i cant help how my heart feels & i am so angry that my true love didnt speak out earlier.

    My mum says i should forget him & stick as i am, but i cant help how i feel & it doesnt help that i do really like my current guy, but if both were in front of me & i had to choose....id choose the one ive waited for my whole life, but how can i break a guys heart when he has done nothing wrong excpet to try & make me & my kids happy....

    I dont know what to do, the thought of losing my soulmate kills me & dont even mention when he meets another girl because it will destroy me...but what do i do....why oh why didnt he just speak up & admit how he felt! Guys are so frustrating!!!

  2. #2
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    Of course it's only fair to let the guy you're with know about how you feel, however I can understand that you were beginning to accept that you would never have your soulmate and perhaps could've moved on. I'm sure the guy who delayed telling you had his reasons and would've thought what he was doing was right at the time. It sounds as if he, like you, realised what he truly wants and so decided to be honest. I know it would be hard to tell the guy you're with but maybe letting him know about the situation might allow you to understand his feelings on the matter. I'd hope that if he cared about you and is as good as you see him to be that he'll understand that you can't help your feelings and are only trying to make the right decision. Sorry if this isn't helpful, I hope you can find the path you want to take.

  3. #3

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    Thank you, i just feel so angry, he knew how i felt & just couldnt say & be honest, i know his reasons but he still pushed me away & now if i want to be with him ive got to break a guys heart who doesnt deserve it & my kids like him to. Then what happens if i do break it off & it doesnt work out! Plus hes spent money on us for a holiday later in the year....

    If only he had spoken up sooner, id of waited for him, but id waited & waited, hoped & hoped....but nothing so i moved on....but now all along i couldve had what i truly want!

  4. #4
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    16 years...are you going to wait another 16 for him to finally see you as a potential partner ? It's clear he doesn't see you as anything more than a friend, Fwb at best.

    It's not fair to the other guy you're seeing either.

    MOST importantly, please don't confuse your children with different men. They really shouldn't be getting introduced to anyone new until you've dated for a good period and are worthy/of good character

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Break up with the guy you are with. Go for the one you say you 'trully' want. Do it now rather than later. And face the consequences. Any decision you make will have consequences. It's that simple at the end of the day. You all sound like you have caused plenty of heartbreak to others, cheating one way or the other. Time to end this 16 year old charade and find out once and for all what might have been. Or you could leave the past behind and find a therapist to address your disastrous relationship history and failure to commit to your choices and parental responsibilities...Basically you (not your mother) need to make a firm choice and stick to it.
    Last edited by Clio; 01-21-2017 at 07:48 AM.

  7. #6
    Administrator kamurj's Avatar
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    Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.


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