Leave encouragement. Making it through or survived the bad break up...

I've come to the conclusion that most people that use this site are in the same position, the stages of hurt. Not really over it yet. Still going through the daily struggles and pain.

I guess that when people heal, and no longer need the support the don't really look back here.

To those of you that have made it through your break up and still came back to check the site out, or those of you who have made awesome progress and no longer feel the daily hurts you did before, please post some encouragement.

Let us know how you felt, and how you feel now. Let us know how you made it.

I really could use some encouragement and light at the end of the tunnel today, because I feel down and bummed. I miss the jerk for some reason. Not feeling a lot of hope.

Thank you!

Subscribing to this thread. I'm sure it's really going to help on those tough days

I need some encouragement too. Everyone keeps talking about NC and getting new hobbies. But does it get better? I miss that jerk too.

When I was in your position I hated when people said it took time. That being said, here's my rough timeline (after a 2 YR relationship):

- near constant pain for 3 months or so, probably extended due to contact. Then I went NC

- 3 months of diminishing pain. I still thought of the ex quite a bit but I went from crying everyday to maybeee a few times a month.

- 6 mos post BU to now: im happy with myself, I'm making lots of friends, I'm in an awesome graduate program, and I feel like the world is at my fingertips. Sometimes I miss the ex but it's more the companionship that I miss.

I need some encouragement too. Everyone keeps talking about NC and getting new hobbies. But does it get better? I miss that jerk too.

Yeah, I mean my recovery so far:

1) Got rid of everything that had to do with him. Pictures, music, texts, emails, messages, all social media, ect.

2) Told all of our mutual friends that I need some time on my own to lean on my friends without reminders of him, so I need time away from them.

3) Been going to the gym at least 5 times a week.

4) Been NC for about 20 days total (not long, but I was NC for a month before that).

5) Trying to get out as much as I can (not much luck there because my friends suck at doing anything in the winter).

6) Been going to a therapist.

7) Reading books, venting on here, journaling.

I understand that I'm only at the 8 week mark after a 2 year relationship (my longest and most significant), but I don't want to be that person a year from now that's still posting about how bad this sucks. The days go so damn slow and are so long, the nights blow. I still wake up random times and can't go back to sleep. The dumb a$$ thoughts and memories haven't faded much yet, two months later. I'm not trying to be negative nancy over here, but sh!$ man...when's this stuff gonna get easier?

When I was in your position I hated when people said it took time. That being said, here's my rough timeline (after a 2 YR relationship):

- near constant pain for 3 months or so, probably extended due to contact. Then I went NC

- 3 months of diminishing pain. I still thought of the ex quite a bit but I went from crying everyday to maybeee a few times a month.

- 6 mos post BU to now: im happy with myself, I'm making lots of friends, I'm in an awesome graduate program, and I feel like the world is at my fingertips. Sometimes I miss the ex but it's more the companionship that I miss.

Well sh!+. Thanks for the guidance and hope haha. Idc if it takes 6 months, as long as it happens. I see people still in this state of depression a year later, and I hope to God that isn't me.

I have cried over him in the last 6 months - I'm certainly not saying I'm 100% better (in fact I posted a thread yesterday where I was a bit sad).

But I'm doing so, so, so much better and I think I'm happier now than I was before I met him. I did everything I wanted and I'm chasing life. Honestly, I couldn't have done all of this if I was still with him and thinking of that is reassuring too.

Well sh!+. Thanks for the guidance and hope haha. Idc if it takes 6 months, as long as it happens. I see people still in this state of depression a year later, and I hope to God that isn't me.

Exactly my thoughts. This week I had better days in general, but Saturday is the loneliest day for me now that he's gone. I don't want to feel like this every single weekend from now on! I need to know that it gets better, I'm really trying!

For me, during my first (and worst) breakup of a nearly 3 year relationship, it took me months. I called her everyday, texted... all but physically stalked her. We never got back together. I was a mess for a long time. It's taken me years to become who I am today and now that I look back on it, I actually laugh. I can't believe I ever did those things. I've been in a few relationships since and have seen and dated around 100 different women. It's gotten so much easier to let go. This past week, I was broken up with by a legitimate girlfriend and while it sucks, I'm still a little raw from it, and she still is on my mind... in a matter of a few days I realized exactly why it was the right thing to do. It doesn't make it any less painful, but experience and the will to never give up has shown me how far I come. I miss her as a person and she was a genuine and wholesome one but I know we were just too different in terms of compatibility.

Most of the time when people are still depressed and focusing on their exes for extended periods of time, it's because they are NOT doing anything different, or because they are still stalking their social media or the social media of their ex's new partner, asking mutual friends for information, doing things like drive-bys, or convincing themselves they need to keep communicating and remain "friends" with their exes or their exes' families.

OP, you're on the right track.

One thing that helped me a lot was giving myself permission to cry or feel bad for 15 minutes a day. Then I moved on to something else. Soon enough (about 2 months) I didn't need that 15 minutes anymore.

Just as a side note, the ex who I'd loudly declared was "the love of my life who I'll love FOREVER!!!111" tried to get back together with me years later. I couldn't have been less attracted to the guy. I found him annoying! But if you'd asked me those first couple of months if I'd ever turn him down I'd have told you that was crazy, that I would wait for him for the rest of my life. "Forever" is a lot shorter than I thought, apparently.

Dumped 6 months ago, and she immediately had a guy lined up and I am history with her. First few months were terrible: stomach pain, worrying about getting her back, etc.... , I was so bent on showing to her that the reasons she dumped me were very fixable and that I am not a broken man.

Fast forward to today, other then a Happy New Year text, I haven't spoken to her. I miss her sometimes, but if I was honest, I just miss the sex with her, nothing more. I am about to graduate with my B.A. in Political Science in May, and my job is keeping me really happy (substitute teacher)!!!

Best advice is to try and do things that make you happy, and get on with your life. Recognize your feelings, when they come, but do not wallow in them!! Also, the "no contact" is a huge help. By avoiding them, you're breaking down the emotional bond you once shared with them. I felt the breakup was my fault, so I would say if you're in that position, to find a way to forgive both yourself and the person who dumped you. It helps a lot!!!

people always hope for those quick strats that someone is going to magically give them to just feel better. sad truth is. it does take time and NC is crucial.

heres my short version of my story:

- 6 month relationship with someone that felt like "the one" but never actually had a chance ended after 2 weeks of struggle

- she was not only my partner but the bestest friend i have ever had so i didnt want to go NC asap

- after 1 week realized its impossible and went NC tho we go to the same college

- probably cried the first week every day more than just once

- first 2 months were the worst i have probably had in my life (coming from someone who has never lost anyone in a relationship because it was the first and noone i care about died yet)

- parents super worried when i visited them in 1 week of vacation i got from college because theyve never seen me like that and i couldnt hide how devestated i was

- not really suicidal but i did wish to just not wake up the next day

- got significantly better after 2 months of no contact

- and from there it just got better. still thought of her a lot but it got less and less over time. i could enjoy stuff again etc.

- to this day 1 year 3 months after breakup we have not spoken a single time to each other although we see each other regularly in college.

NC is super important. as long as you keep contact your brain doesnt even start to heal. you need that stop from contact for the brain to first realize that its over and then heal over time. you cannot be friends with someone you still have feelings for.

NC and distraction like friends, hobbies, work, college really help. anything so that your mind is not idling and thinking about the ex.

these are my last few months in this god forsaken town i never liked to begin with and i cant wait to leave it behind and never have to see her again. because seeing her really makes it harder.

im over her id say. at this point i dont miss her but just a significant other.