Part 2

Apparently I am rife with confusion over this gentleman. So he and I had a perfect date yesterday. We have a great amount in common, and our conversation was lively and flowing all night. We share similar career goals, family values, etc. And our chemistry is unlike any I've ever had. Honestly, on paper this man has everything I've ever stated I love in men.

Anyway, at the end of the night he told me that he loves how instantly we clicked, he very much enjoys my company, and he's impressed with how intelligent I am and how composed my life is. And then he let me know that unfortunately, he isn't entirely sure if he will be able to get over our age gap. He acknowledged that it has nothing to do with my mental maturity, and it's quite literally just my physical age. I told him I appreciated his candor.

We spent a few more (lovely) hours together after that conversation and today we've been texting briefly.

I'm just really at a loss, because I know that he feels the same connection I do, but I have no idea how I can do anything to ease his apprehension the age gap (absent forging a new birth certificate, haha ).

Any advice?

Is this the same guy in your last thread? The player?

If this is the same guy from the last thread, meeting, sleeping together, yesterday's date, and him telling you he can't do the age gap thing has all happened within...one week? Just trying to establish a timeline here.

How old is he?

What is the age gap between the two of you. My Husband is the most incredible person I have ever met and we have a very large gap between us, which is 28 years. If a real connection is there, he should consider looking passed the gap.

Is this the same guy in your last thread? The player?

 

If this is the same guy from the last thread, meeting, sleeping together, yesterday's date, and him telling you he can't do the age gap thing has all happened within...one week? Just trying to establish a timeline here.

Yes, a little more than a week.

How old is he?

He is 40 years old.

Does he have children and are you of childbearing age with no children? That would be my concern if I were him.

What is the age gap between the two of you. My Husband is the most incredible person I have ever met and we have a very large gap between us, which is 28 years. If a real connection is there, he should consider looking passed the gap.

The gap doesn't phase me. I've dated men older than him with no issues. I just don't know how I can assure him that it's worth exploring what's between us irrespective of age.

Does he have children and are you of childbearing age with no children? That would be my concern if I were him.

He has one child from his previous marriage.

Yes, I am of childbearing years.

I, however, don't want children and he doesn't want any more children, either.

I know that in your case the gap is not an issue, which is why I said that he should consider looking passed it. Keep being yourself and connecting on an emotional basis, because more than likely he will start to not even notice the age difference. Also, so what if he played the field, because he has experience and stories to tell. He's probably more likely to settle down with a women he has a deep connection to.

The gap doesn't phase me. I've dated men older than him with no issues. I just don't know how I can assure him that it's worth exploring what's between us irrespective of age.

Sweetie, if a man doesn't wish to move forward with you (for any reason) no amount of "assuring him," or trying to convince, will serve any purpose whatsoever except perhaps pushing him further away.

Assuming he's still "there."

You have known him one week.

He is a grown man, he knows what he wants, and what he doesn't want, he doesn't need your assuring him of anything.

I'm sorry, let HIM figure this out for himself.

My opinion is that if he really is a player the age gap could be a convenient excuse. One week whirlwind romance - he doesn't want you to get attached. What does your friend say? Did he not know this man has a reputation? Assuming he doesn't drop off entirely just keep it casual; I would advise not sleeping with him again given what he has told you. Unless of course you are okay with a no strings attached type of thing. There is not much else you can do to convince him to change his mind, IMO.

Sweetie, if a man doesn't wish to move forward with you (for any reason) no amount of "assuring him," or trying to convince, will serve any purpose whatsoever except perhaps pushing him further away.

 

Assuming he's still "there."

 

You have known him one week.

 

He is a grown man, he knows what he wants, and what he doesn't want, he doesn't need your assuring him of anything.

 

I'm sorry, let HIM figure this out for himself.

Yep, understood that humans make their own decisions. He, however, is still there, just apprehensive. I'm not begging him, merely ascertaining whether anyone has any advice or experience with something similar.

Thanks for your opinion.

My opinion is that if he really is a player the age gap could be a convenient excuse. One week whirlwind romance - he doesn't want you to get attached. What does your friend say? Did he not know this man has a reputation? Assuming he doesn't drop off entirely just keep it casual; I would advise not sleeping with him again given what he has told you. Unless of course you are okay with a no strings attached type of thing. There is not much else you can do to convince him to change his mind, IMO.

My friends who know him claim that he has stopped playing the field and constantly says he wants to meet someone to settle down with and marry. My friends also claim that he means what he says.

I've made it very clear that I don't want to be a casual fling, and he said he doesn't want that either and his only reservation about me is my age.

My opinion is that if he really is a player the age gap could be a convenient excuse. One week whirlwind romance - he doesn't want you to get attached. What does your friend say? Did he not know this man has a reputation? Assuming he doesn't drop off entirely just keep it casual; I would advise not sleeping with him again given what he has told you. Unless of course you are okay with a no strings attached type of thing. There is not much else you can do to convince him to change his mind, IMO.

This is what I was thinking too.

OP, how large is the age gap?

He chose to go out with you and have sex with you, knowing your age, correct?

Didn't stop him then, did it.

It only concerns him now as you contemplate moving forward towards having a RL?

Something sounds very off about that.

JMO.

My friends who know him claim that he has stopped playing the field and constantly says he wants to meet someone to settle down with and marry. My friends also claim that he means what he says.

I've made it very clear that I don't want to be a casual fling, and he said he doesn't want that either and his only reservation about me is my age.

Well, if he's willing to continue chatting then just keep it casual and friendly. If your friend says he means what he says, there may be no changing his mind. Just don't get too hopeful and keep your options open.

So many people date older and younger without issue. It sounds like he's using the age issue as a disclaimer and loophole for an out because he doesn't want anything serious or long term and sees you are getting all starry eyed for him..

he let me know that unfortunately, he isn't entirely sure if he will be able to get over our age gap

This is what I was thinking too.

 

OP, how large is the age gap?

 

He chose to go out with you and have sex with you, knowing your age, correct?

 

Didn't stop him then, did it.

 

It only concerns him now as you contemplate moving forward towards having a RL?

 

Something sounds very off about that.

 

JMO.

He didn't know my age when we met. He was just told that I'm an attorney and showed a picture of me before we met. I never told him my age that time either. Granted, I certainly don't look old, but I'm also rather young to be a 3rd year attorney.

The gap is 15 years.

He didn't know my age when we met. He was just told that I'm an attorney and showed a picture of me before we met. I never told him my age that time either. Granted, I certainly don't look old, but I'm also rather young to be a 3rd year attorney.

The gap is 15 years.

Well then honestly, I don't see why he would have an issue with your age then.

I mean, you are obviously educated, intelligent, responsible, with a great career.

I could understand if you were some 25 year old floundering her way around, no career path to speak of, a "flying by the seat of your pants" sort of gal.

Obviously you would have nothing in common if that were the case.

But given your stats, again I don't get what his issue is.

All the more reason to believe he is using your "age gap" as an excuse.

He doesn't wish to have a RL with you and doesn't wish to move forward.

That's my take anyway.

I hope I am wrong!

Well then honestly, I don't see why he would have an issue with your age then.

 

I mean, you are obviously educated, intelligent, responsible, with a great career.

 

I could understand if you were some 25 year old floundering her way around, no career path to speak of, a "flying by the seat of your pants" sort of gal.

 

Obviously you would have nothing in common if that were the case.

 

But given your stats, again I don't get what his issue is.

 

All the more reason to believe he is using your "age gap" as an excuse.

 

He doesn't wish to have a RL with you and doesn't wish to move forward.

 

That's my take anyway.

 

I hope I am wrong!

Yeah, that's my concern, too. I do appreciate your input.

The age gap is an excuse. He knew about it going into meeting you. Or he could have been on the fence about someone who's younger but you weren't quite enough of a match for him to be convinced. It's simply a "it's not you, it's me" soft rejection he thinks you'll buy, along with all the compliments leading into it.

For whatever reason, he's simply not interested. I wouldn't think too hard on it.

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