Its been a while like this. Im crying every night. I am supposed to get married next month and im in love with my fiance. But all I think about is death.i feel like the ones I love will die or I will die im afraid of the thought that we all eventually die. Im also feeling pressured by others cuz I. Keeping my thoughts to myself so they just go on nagging and complaining because of me which add up to my feeling of wanting to self harm myself again (I used to do it before). I abuse myself with thought of my sweet loving fiance being mad at me or hating me for always being depressed and ruining his happiness although he treat me nicely and take care of me I still hide these thoughts from him cuz im afraid he would secretly hate me. Like my sister secretly hate me because of things I used to do when I was a kid. She tells me im mean if I am angry she makes a fight if I don't confide in her. I also am diagnoised with stomatic symptoms disorder and but I avoid therapy thus I am in big problem and in constant pain . I am just looking for someone to advice me. Anything and you can be mean with words ill take it.