she left me before marriage

We were in a long term, long distance relationship. Then I proposed her and she accepted with great joy. We were happy for years. She was telling me that I was the love of her life. We were understanding each other very good, we were laughing together, we were respectful and compassionate, we had a very good sex life too. We were on the verge of marriage.

Suddenly she sunk into a huge depression. She was telling me that she's only happy when she's with me. I moved there, to live with her. I am an optimistic guy, I was expecting that she would beat the depression. I was trying to help desperately. I was dreaming about our marriage, our happy future and struggling with the actual problem. It was difficult for me too because she started to behave badly towards me. She was sometimes insulting me, she was often crying and she stopped wanting sex. I was trying to stay positive and expecting her happiness.

Two months ago, she told me that she's not depressed anymore and she is not in love with me anymore. She told me also that she has feelings for a woman and she left me to be with her. It was a huge shock for me. She tells me that I was great, handsome but she is not interested in men anymore. She wished me to find love somewhere else and she left. She wants to stay friends with me.

I should add that she had no interest towards any woman before, it's a new feeling for her. She also told me that she's not interested in women in general but only this woman.

What I did? I tried to stay strong in front of her (I failed), I told her that I am not mad at her (it's true) but I am just heartbroken (and sad). I told her also that I can't stay friends (at least for now). I wished her happiness and I told her that I respect her choices.

I didn't unfriend her on my social media but I am not answering her comments. She texted me twice (for christmas and new year). I am in no-contact.

I know that I should move on but I can't. I can't let this go. Do you think that there could be any chance for a come back?

Sorry but I don't see this ever working out. Even if she were to come back, this woman sounds like a complete basket case. There is no telling what she would do next. Being long distance, meant that for a long time you only got to experience her good side, thus you fall in love with a very skewed idealized version of her. Her dark unstable side was always there. Her issues were always there. They are a part of who she is. The long distance covered that up. The woman you remember and love does not really exist. I don't see a chance of you ever being happy with her. She has too many issues. I understand that you love her, but the 'her' that you love does not really exist. My advice to you is to grieve the loss and move on. That means unfriending and blocking her on all social media. Anything new you learn about her is irrelevant to you, undermines your healing and keeps you stuck in the past.

I put her on a pedestal, I think I idolized her. She told me that I always made her feel like a princess. I know that she has/had lots of issues but I always believed that she would stay with me because she was happy with me. I thought that we could confront/resolve any problem if we're together.

I put her on a pedestal, I think I idolized her. She told me that I always made her feel like a princess. I know that she has/had lots of issues but I always believed that she would stay with me because she was happy with me. I thought that we could confront/resolve any problem if we're together.

Sadly, this wasn't the case. Her issues are too big. Idolizing people is not healthy. It leads to losing sight of reality, unbalanced relationships and to selling yourself short. You need to learn this so as to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Clio, thank you for this good advice. You know, my brain understands your point but my heart can't accept it. It's difficult. I am in denial. I am still in love with her who doesn't love me back anymore. In fact she told me that she loves me but only as a friend.

Sorry to hear that. You need time in combination with no contact, for your heart to catch up with your brain. For this same reason you need to unfriend her on social media. Good luck with your healing.

Sorry to hear this. Have you moved out and back to your country? Agree that no contact and no friends is best. She may or may not be depressed, be lesbian, bi or whatever. How well did you know each other before you moved there? Why were yoo long distance?

Don't you think it's odd that shortly after you moved in with her, her depression miraculously lifts and she's suddenly lesbian?

She may just not want the relationship after you moved in with her. Was there a language or cultural issue?

I moved there, to live with her. She told me also that she has feelings for a woman and she left me to be with her.I am in no-contact.

Your story is almost like mine except we got married and now she wants to leave me for her first love I didn't know about, a girl friend. Only mine got her green card and I found out it was all a plan by her to get closer to her lover. She doesn't have a clue i know all this. Im gonna give her what she wants a "divorce". Im moving on , no turning back. I learned through my own investigation that the other girl is very jealous and demanding and also has a domestic partner that she's trying to dump so she can have my wife move in with her. Someday my wife's relationship with the other girl will turn sour and I won't be there to help. Ill have the last laugh. "KEEP ON TRUCKING"

Wiseman, thanks for your message. I will try to answer your questions in order:

1- Yes, I moved back to my country and I am in a strict no contact from the beginning.

2- We did know each other because we lived the very first year of our relationship together (in a third country). If your question implies how was our sex drive, we had a very good and satisfying sexual relationship.

3- Than I found a very nice job in my country and I invited her to come and live with me, not forever but for a while (until I find some other position in her country maybe). She refused. We agreed to continue long distance. I was flying twice a month to see her.

4- Finally I found something in her country (with less salary but at least we could be together).

5- Language was not a problem, I talk 4 languages. There were any cultural/religious problem. We were really respectful and curious about each other's culture. Her parents like me very much and they were really upset to loose me too.

Yes I think that the timing is odd. I think that when living as a couple becomes serious or when the wedding approaches, she had to decide if she really wants it.

mine got her green card and I found out it was all a plan by her to get closer to her lover. (...) I learned through my own investigation that the other girl is very jealous and demanding and also has a domestic partner that she's trying to dump so she can have my wife move in with her.

I am sorry that you're in the middle of all this. Why people do that to nice people? In your case, there are malicious people. I am happy that you're moving on. Don't turn back.