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Thread: Single parents on here?

  1. #11
    Alyshayo
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    Me accepting him would be me accepting to be a door matt. He of course does not agree with this and thinks it's my fault. I shouldn't work with men, I shouldn't talk to men alone (for example if I was outside and a man was outside smoking to and spoke to me) I would get in trouble. I am not allowed to post pictures of myself online unless they are with my children or him or my mom. I CANNOT talk about his driving, (the other day I said I think we're following a little close when it was suuuuper icey) and I got yelled at for 45 minutes. I am still my own person. I understand we're married and we shouldn't do certain things. But I am a good mother, I work hard, I make sure my kids are fed well, clothed well, clean, their social needs are met. He says I should give him sex even if I don't feel like it because "he has needs and he needs it EVERYDAY" and I do it.. just to get him off my back. And don't get me wrong our sex life is awesome when I'm actually into it, but when I'm made to do something when I don't want to. I'm just trying to get it over with for his sake. He swears in front of the kids switch drives me BONKERS but I can't say anything because he says I'm being disrespectful and telling him how to parent. He tells me if I'm not going to agree then to just shut my mouth. If I'm 15-25 mins late for work I'm thoroughly questioned about it and he has even asked if "my co workers will vouch for me". I've never given him reason to not trust me except when I was smoking for a few weeks without telling him because I was stressed out from all this crap. I don't know if I can accept him how he is currently because if I do, I will be very unhappy and I'm not sure my kids will be happy either. The other day he was yelling at me THE NEXT DAY about the driving comment and my 11 year old comes up to me and says, "mom, do you need some wine?" I'm like oh my gosh does she think drinking helps you handle stress? Ugh

  2. #12
    Wiseman2
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    Having 3 kids and a young sibling to care for is much better than having that plus the drag and drain of an abusive guy around creating chaos and unnecessary turmoil..
    Quote Originally Posted by Alyshayo [Register to see the link]
    I'd like to hear from single parents on here. How do you do it. How many kids do you have? Is it very very hard? How did you come to the point where you decided to become a single parent? I'm a unhappily married mother of 3 plus take care of my 15 year old sister. I want out, but I'm afraid.

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  4. #13
    Alyshayo
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    And we've gone to multiple therapists, pastors, whatever. It gets better for awhile and then slowly goes to again. One therapist actual said "so your being an ?". LOL I couldn't believe it.

  5. #14
    Alyshayo
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    Goes to sh*t again. And he said so you being an a**hole. Sorry didn't know it wouldn't let me swear lol

  6. #15
    Cheetarah
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    I'm a single mom of a special needs kiddo. Ex-husband has never been involved, so this is all I know. I have nothing to compare it against. Yes, it's hard, but it's our way of life so you just roll with it. But our lives would have been 1000 times harder if my ex was in the picture. I wouldn't be the person I have grown into and my son would have seen things and heard things no kid should ever see. I knew that when I was pregnant although it took a long time for my heart to catch up with the logic. I just have one, and he is 4 years old.

    I think it was the best decision I've ever made in my entire life.

    Being a single mother with the father in the picture and being a single mother completely alone .
    It is a lot different. Different set of challenges. In the beginning I wasn't sure the role my ex would play and I bit my tongue a lot(not easy). Any angry feelings I had towards him, it had to be left alone. I mean, I dealt with it by myself(and you must!) but it had no part in co-parenting. It gave me a real taste of the kind of man that he truly is. If you can have a workable and civil co-parenting relationship, kudos. It's best for the kids but a lot of times it doesn't work out that way.

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  8. #16
    IThinkICan
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    Being a single mom would be so much better than what you described. Like, by a million times.

    Not saying what you have is bad ( it is ). It is that what you have kills happiness. Yours. The kids. And they are learning that it is okay to treat people that way, to treat ourselves that way. That power equals control equals abusive speech.

    Your household, after adjusting to the changes, would be so happy!

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  10. #17
    qwaspolk82
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    Quote Originally Posted by IThinkICan [Register to see the link]
    The sentiments in this post speak a truth: the unknown of our children's lives, and the idea "it would be nice if he could be xxx"

    If my ex were the man I wanted him to be, then he wouldn't be my ex, would he? Accepting my ex as he is required me to divorce; conversely, divorcing allowed me the independence necessary for me to accept him.

    Accept your husband AS HE IS. He will not change, and he will marry again etc. You will not have leverage over him as you do now (if that's relevant).

    Accept him. Where does that leave you?

    Addressing your own fear may itself change the dynamic of your marriage.
    Are you addressing me or the OP? Because this really makes no sense without knowing who you are addressing. You had replied to my comment is why I ask.

  11. #18
    qwaspolk82
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alyshayo [Register to see the link]
    Me accepting him would be me accepting to be a door matt. He of course does not agree with this and thinks it's my fault. I shouldn't work with men, I shouldn't talk to men alone (for example if I was outside and a man was outside smoking to and spoke to me) I would get in trouble. I am not allowed to post pictures of myself online unless they are with my children or him or my mom. I CANNOT talk about his driving, (the other day I said I think we're following a little close when it was suuuuper icey) and I got yelled at for 45 minutes. I am still my own person. I understand we're married and we shouldn't do certain things. But I am a good mother, I work hard, I make sure my kids are fed well, clothed well, clean, their social needs are met. He says I should give him sex even if I don't feel like it because "he has needs and he needs it EVERYDAY" and I do it.. just to get him off my back. And don't get me wrong our sex life is awesome when I'm actually into it, but when I'm made to do something when I don't want to. I'm just trying to get it over with for his sake. He swears in front of the kids switch drives me BONKERS but I can't say anything because he says I'm being disrespectful and telling him how to parent. He tells me if I'm not going to agree then to just shut my mouth. If I'm 15-25 mins late for work I'm thoroughly questioned about it and he has even asked if "my co workers will vouch for me". I've never given him reason to not trust me except when I was smoking for a few weeks without telling him because I was stressed out from all this crap. I don't know if I can accept him how he is currently because if I do, I will be very unhappy and I'm not sure my kids will be happy either. The other day he was yelling at me THE NEXT DAY about the driving comment and my 11 year old comes up to me and says, "mom, do you need some wine?" I'm like oh my gosh does she think drinking helps you handle stress? Ugh
    You need to divorce him. No one should live like that. No you should not just "accept" him acting like that. He wouldn't accept you controlling him. He's controlling, toxic and abusive. That's the bottomline.

    You do NOT have to give him sex when he wants it because you're married. He does not own you. In all honestly if he's accusing you of cheating HE is probably cheating.

    This is a horrible environment for your kids to grow up in. You guys should not stay married. He is not your father and he does not control your life. You are a grown woman.

  12. #19
    Liraele
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    I have two girls.

    You just... do it. I dunno. I've always been a person that stands on my own two feet even in a relationship, so maybe I'm a little jaded on the way it works...

  13. #20
    IThinkICan
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    Quote Originally Posted by Liraele [Register to see the link]
    I have two girls.

    You just... do it. I dunno. I've always been a person that stands on my own two feet even in a relationship, so maybe I'm a little jaded on the way it works...
    This is me also. You just Do. The decision i made for which I am most thankful was that i committed to do as i wanted, without knowing how it would be possible. For example, i committed to a job before i had child care, i got them into the best school for them without knowing how i would pay for it, committed to travel for work before I knew how I would cover them at home. It has been the right way to think because we've not limited ourselves. We have excelled. The solutions will be there.

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