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We all need this. Post one negative a day about your ex. Stop idolizing.


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So, I've found from reading threads and seeing things I've posted that so many of us idolize the person that walked away from us, cheated on us, abused us, treated us badly, or simply didn't appreciate what they had. They didn't think we were worth it, but for some reason...we still think they are. The sad truth is, THEY are the ones that aren't worth it, so why do we have such a hard time letting go of the positive aspects of the relationship and even the positive attributes of the person that hurt us the most? I think it's time we work together to support each other and get our frustrations out there. Let's stop idolizing the person that ultimately doesn't deserve us. For this thread, I want people to come on here every day and post something that you DIDN'T like about your ex or the relationship you were in. Come back here every day, and put something down. Remind yourself that you deserve better, and that this person really wasn't what we try to crack them up to be. LET'S GO!

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I didn't like how his allergies to dogs kept him from coming over to my family dinners, even though it meant a lot to me, and him taking an allergy medication just for that day for me was too much to ask because it made him "feel funny". Yet I went to every family function of his and went to every dinner I was asked to go to.

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He took me to meet his parents, sister and friends all togther. This was his idea and seemed important to him. The next weekend he downloaded and paid for Tinder plus. PLUS! He carried on using it the time I was in his country and when I wanted to leave the country he begged me to stay and cancelled my flight to the tune of £800. Then I left a couple of months later and he downloaded another app and paid for it while I was in the air and subsequently I imagine. (know this from google phone bill receipts after a Tinder girl contacted me to warn me as she found him on FB.) To think I called this person 'love of my life.'

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She out of the blue decided to criticize me on my style. I never had bad style, way better than most straight dudes. I got a bit lazy... I'm thankful she gave me a push but the way she did it was harsh I wish she approached it in a more loving, supportive way and a fun thing to do together than to criticizing me and use it as one of the reasons why she was thinking of leaving me.

 

I'm still finding it so hard though to think of things I id not like about her. It's not a pedestal Im the pickiest person on the planet and this girl did it for me. She could have been less aggressive and combative... but her passion is what I also loved about her.

 

My main criticism of her is her long list of complaints about me.

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Something i subscribe to that I can't post because of forum rules but came in my inbox today. relevant to this thread:

 

How to get over the fear that I’ll never find someone like them

 

Ask yourself: Why are we not together anymore?

 

I don't care how awesome your Ex was, how funny, intelligent, hot, witty and caring ... the ONE thing they couldn’t offer you is this

 

Wanting to stay by your side no matter what.

 

I don’t care about their outstanding outside qualities they had, if they don't have that one thing, then they weren't right for you.

 

It's natural that you've put them on a pedestal and worship all the (so unimportant and very common) traits and looks they have.

 

Later, you will learn to look for the things that really matter in a partner, and you'll find someone who is way better than your Ex ever was.

 

 

-

 

Personally I want to believe this and want to be positive but I'm quite negative... Do I think someone better is out there? well yeah obviously. It's the fact that t took me 32 years to find this one person that gives me not a lot of hope another, better person and I will ever meet

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Something i subscribe to that I can't post because of forum rules but came in my inbox today. relevant to this thread:

 

How to get over the fear that I’ll never find someone like them

 

Ask yourself: Why are we not together anymore?

 

I don't care how awesome your Ex was, how funny, intelligent, hot, witty and caring ... the ONE thing they couldn’t offer you is this

 

Wanting to stay by your side no matter what.

 

I don’t care about their outstanding outside qualities they had, if they don't have that one thing, then they weren't right for you.

 

It's natural that you've put them on a pedestal and worship all the (so unimportant and very common) traits and looks they have.

 

Later, you will learn to look for the things that really matter in a partner, and you'll find someone who is way better than your Ex ever was.

 

 

-

 

Personally I want to believe this and want to be positive but I'm quite negative... Do I think someone better is out there? well yeah obviously. It's the fact that t took me 32 years to find this one person that gives me not a lot of hope another, better person and I will ever meet

 

RayF, listen bro, I get it. Believe me I get it. A little background on my situation (since you found your needle in a haystack). I'm a gay guy. A gay guy that grew up at the racetrack and on dirtbikes. A gay guy that if I told you I was gay, you wouldn't believe me. I'm a car guy, have built cars, raced cars, I sell cars as my career. Cars are my life. Never did I ever think that I would find another straight acting gay car guy, until I met him. I'm 28, not far behind you. You know how hard it is, when you're a gay dude, just to find another straight acting gay dude? Super hard. Let alone a straight acting gay dude that knows the active-fuel-management on the 1980s Cadillacs was a disaster and the CTS-V was the fastest sedan ever tested and built around the Nurburgring. So I'm on the same page as you...and my page might actually be worse.

 

But you can't keep thinking that you'll never find somebody like her. Yeah, I loved car talk with my dude. Loved driving to car lots, going to the track, going to car shows. That's all I ever wanted was a dude just like me, and I had it. The only problem is, the thing he was lacking was the ability to work things out in a relationship. Communicate in a relationship. To stick by my side during the hard times. He criticized me. Put me down. Lied to me. Made me feel less-than. So yeah, the thing that over-rides our shared love in the same thing was our shared love in eachother. You'll be better off when you find somebody NOT LIKE HER, but more like you...when it comes to a relationship.

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This thread reminds me of the song by The Black Keys called Next Girl. If you've never heard it, check it out. Its not a sad song hed basically complaining about everything his ex put him through and the chorus says "my next girl, will be nothing like my ex girl". I just think of it in context that ill never be with someone like him again.

 

Ok, so it used to drive me crazy that if i asked him to help me with ANYTHING he'd never help me unless it benefited him. But, if ANYONE asked him for help, for anything, he jumped. He fixed his buddies brakes, my brakes were so soft i could have crashed. Built a whole fence for the neighbors. But I'd ask him to help me move a cabinet and it'd fall on deaf ears.

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I don't care how awesome your Ex was, how funny, intelligent, hot, witty and caring ... the ONE thing they couldn’t offer you is this

 

Wanting to stay by your side no matter what.

 

I don’t care about their outstanding outside qualities they had, if they don't have that one thing, then they weren't right for you.

 

This has what hit me lately. Less than a week before she ended things I found out my dad has cancer (I won't go into detail since I have posted about this before). I'm not mad at her or resent her for breaking up when she did (there's never a good time to do it).

 

But the fact she didn't want to be by my side as I was going through this speaks huge volumes. And ever since the few times she's reached out or liked a photo I posted on IG was just for superficial reasons. I posted something last night about my dad (as we found out that things are not looking good) I got tons of messages from friends and family. Yet she didn't even like the damn thing (which isn't a big deal, in the grand scheme of things an IG like is not worth much), but the fact she has done that with other posts and this one a real personal one for me, really shows how superficial her outreaches were.

 

And she said she wanted to be friends after the break up. Ha, I already have those positions filled and they are with me during this dark time while she is no where in the picture. I'll keep it at that for today, but this tough time has definitely helped me realize what all my friends have been saying and trying to get through my head. If she cared and did want me back, she would have done it, and instead her actions have been the opposite.

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He was so awfully skinny, had ugly teeth, nose hair. He was super insecure and akward, had anger issues, was horribly spoiled by his mother.

This is awesome

 

I hated that he never took a picture of me. And that the top of his bum crack always showed. Seriously. And he had pimples there lol

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The picture thing was big for me too. We did take pictures together, but not often. There were multiple times where we'd be out with friends, and he'd get people together for the group picture...you would think that I would be the first person he'd want in it...but multiple times he would hand the phone to me and say "take this". Made me feel kind of unwanted.

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One time she told me she was tired of seing me smile, especially before/during/after sex.. She wanted me to be a cold ass christian grey type, and unfourtenately i spent too much time trying to be what she wanted..

Damn impossible to satisfy someone like that.. She would complain if i looked unhappy, and she would complain if i looked too happy..

 

Oh, and yeah she never took 1 single picture of us or requested one during the 3 years we were together, now that everyone mentions that, thought i might aswell too.. Didnt mean the world to me, but i actually cared about our memories and making the good moments last forever, she didnt give a fudge.

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