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Thread: Semi adult stubborn child

  1. #21
    IAmFCA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria66 [Register to see the link]
    Oh I have all the numbers. He would not even know what to say I would have to coach him as to what to say. It may take several tries at the call.
    Yes, i understand.

    I am thinking of ways to encourage his participation... to let him talk it out until he sees it as easy money. As opposed to having to see himself as needy and therefore of course he says there is no need -- who wants to be needy?

    Or to see it as a way he can pitch in

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by IThinkICan [Register to see the link]
    Yes, i understand.

    I am thinking of ways to encourage his participation... to let him talk it out until he sees it as easy money. As opposed to having to see himself as needy and therefore of course he says there is no need -- who wants to be needy?

    Or to see it as a way he can pitch in
    Absolutely, he does not want to be needy. He has never wanted to be. As his mom I want him to get what he deserves. Everyone deserves money to live on and retirement. I want him to have security and stability when I pass on .

    I have thought of a way he can work though. He did really well in a course on how to make iOS and android games . He could do that for money. He is giving that fair thought .

  3. #23
    IAmFCA
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    Good for him!

    I can admire his stubborn stance. It has a certain purity.

    "Let me get this straight. If I agree to call myself broken, you will pay me? Well, Sir, I'm afraid I can't do that."

  4. #24
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    He does have his pride for sure. Both of his families have a lot of pride in hardwork.

  5. #25
    abitbroken
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victoria66 [Register to see the link]
    Absolutely, he does not want to be needy. He has never wanted to be. As his mom I want him to get what he deserves. Everyone deserves money to live on and retirement. I want him to have security and stability when I pass on .

    I have thought of a way he can work though. He did really well in a course on how to make iOS and android games . He could do that for money. He is giving that fair thought .
    You have to put the mothering in you aside right now. it is possible you are coming across to him as a nagging mom or its coming across the line as static. This is not life or death right now. Don't trick or bribe. let it go. Is there literature about this issue available that is written in a less technical manner that people who are not into legalese, etc, can easily understand? Have it available in the house - but don't push it on him. When he is ready - and that could be a couple years - he will ask about it or the conversation can be brought up in an organic way when he makes the cue. It may be a year. It may be five. And in 5 its still okay.

    If he is socially 13-15, he will mature - but with social anxiety. He will get to the point that although financial stuff might overwhem him - he will know that he needs it and needs help with it. I know what I need financially and legally, but now know when to say "please help me" if the actual steps overwhelm me or become the nebulous cloud.

    His issue isn't his social development level - its abstract thinking. I know engineers who have the social skills of a wet sponge, yet they balance a checkbook, invest money, and do all those things brillantly. So approach it from that way

  6. #26
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    He does not deal well with money . He has a severe disability with money. He is in the .04 % for his age group as far as math skills go. But he knows that. Hopefully he reaches out.

  7. #27
    catfeeder
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    [QUOTE=gebaird;6727275]Is there something he would really enjoy that you might be able to bribe him with?

    This ^ along with a clear explanation of why YOU need him to do this. I'd tell him that I'm not going to be around forever to support him, and I need to know that this money will be available to him if anything happens to me. I'd ask him what kind of reward he'd like from me for completing the task, then I'd consider what I can afford to bribe him with.

    I haven't read this thread, but if you haven't had success already, I hope you'll let us know how this goes. Happy new year, Victoria.

  8. #28
    Fudgie
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    I'm all for the "tough love/let him figure it out/he's an adult" but at the same time, I have a bit of a different perspective, having 2 siblings with autism, one who is very dependent and lives at home (and is considered disabled, so she will be eligible for benefits in the future if she can't work, right now she works part time with meal assembly in a kitchen), the other can live alone in an an academic environment but requires some support from afar. They are both in their 20s now.

    My parents got POA (power of attorney) over my sister. They handle her finances and make sure everything is up to snuff. They put her paychecks into her trust and she does get cash that she has on her and she is happy. I am set to take over for them in the future as POA when they are gone or infirm. If it weren't me, well, someone else would have to oversee it because she can't do that herself. She just can't. She is very capable, gets up, does chores, does her ADLs, and work a part time job and she has hobbies - but she cannot do this financial stuff as well as other things. It's just not in the cards given how she is disabled.

    I think your son is very capable, Vic, but I think it's possible, given his autism, that he may never really be able to make good, competent choices in regards to money, especially in terms of future money matters, like retirement. That may be too much to ask for him, but you know, that is okay.

    How do you feel about getting POA over him? Have you thought about this option before?

  9. #29
    Wiseman2
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    Agree this may be a good idea if practicalities like future retirement,etc don't register or seem overwhelming. Also why not just call and make appts for him so he can get this referral? Bureaucratic paperwork and be daunting for anybody but even more so for people who find that type of thing overwhelming and therefore find reasons to put it off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Fudgie [Register to see the link]
    How do you feel about getting POA over him?

  10. #30
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    He would never, EVER submit to a POA. That would end my relationship with me and his dad. He would never trust us again . Probably never talk to us either.

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